Vital Signs

[Tuesday Afternoon]

Her name was on the list. I started at the top of the list and worked my way down to her name. Family was gathered all around, looking at me with hope in their eyes. I looked down at her, lying in the bed. How peaceful she looked. Too late. The family was watching. They wanted to know. What else could I do? I took her vital signs. I spoke her name. I watched as the muscles in her torso contracted and pushed her chest in and out. I stroked her wrist. I was not going to let down the family. Damn stethoscope!!

Sometimes my job sucks and sometimes it really sucks out loud.

Friday 6/27/08. She was not hurting anymore and she had family around her. She is one of the blessed ones.

[petgoat]

1. Nice vignette, deft and well observed.

I'm a bit confused in this sentence:

I watched as the muscles in her torso contracted and pushed her chest in and out.

From "contracted" muscles I get the picture of a spasm. If you're talking about
normal (maybe labored) breathing I'd suggest

I watched as the muscles in her torso pulled her chest in and out. (That's what
muscles do, right? Contract and pull. They can't push.)

If you want to say something dramatic is happening with these contracting torso
muscles, you have to say so.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

2. what I am trying to say is that the muscles were working

involuntarily, making her chest wall rise and fall, giving her the appearance of breathing. I will rework that sentence. Thanks for the ctritique.


Her name was on the list. I started at the top of the list and worked my way down to her name. Family was gathered all around, looking at me with hope in their eyes. I looked down at her, lying in the bed. How peaceful she looked. Too late. The family was watching. They wanted to know. What else could I do? I took her vital signs. I spoke her name. I watched as the muscles in her torso contracted and pulled her chest in and out. I stroked her wrist. I was not going to let down the family. Damn stethoscope!!

Sometimes my job sucks and sometimes it really sucks out loud.

Friday 6/27/08. She was not hurting anymore and she had family around her. She is one of the blessed ones.