If your son came to you and said partner was going to have an abortion, what would you say/do

[uppityperson]

Yes, this is similar but different from the daughter on.

How would you feel? Would you be happy about it? Sad? Supportive? Try to find other choices?

I am leaving the age of the son and partner, and the "partner" status (boyfriend/girlfriend, acquaintance, spouse, etc), out of the question, to keep this open to more possibilities.

[mzteris]

1. the exact same thing I said

in my other thread. . .

in the end though, I would tell him, it's HER decision, not yours to make.

[PeaceNikki]

2. 100% supportive

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

3. "Do it."

"If you need to."

:think:

[uppityperson]

4. Same thing I said on daughter one. Be glad he felt he could talk with me, listen and

if I could help in any way, do so. Supportive.

[duhneece]

5. "How can I help support the decision?" nt

[HopeHoops]

6. Well honestly the age of each would seriously impact my opinion.

[uppityperson]

12. Let's say they were 14. Now let's say they were 18. How about 26? 35?

[HopeHoops]

15. 14 makes a lot of sense. 18 is questionable. 35+ is starting to make sense again.

It really depends on the reason. If it's just birth control (as many wingnuts claim), that's not a good justification. I really don't think there are that many women who use it that way. I've got three daughters, 16, 18, and 20, so trust me when I say I've given this issue a lot of consideration. But I also don't have a say in what the older two chose to do and frankly the youngest would be able to get one with or without my consent (in some states).

The main issue with young (under 18) girls is the responsibility and impact on their education and loss of "kid years". Our school district does an excellent job of handling that, but it is still a major burden. "Just say no" isn't the way to deal with it - "put a rubber on it" is far more realistic. With older women, it really comes down to a health issue - both for the mother and the child. It isn't an easy subject no matter how you feel about it.

[pennylane100]

17. It is a legal procedure and the reason is only important

to the woman who will carry the child.

[HopeHoops]

19. That's sort of what I was trying to say - but 14 (or even 16) isn't a woman.

That's technically and developmentally still a child.

[uppityperson]

20. That depends on the definition of a child. 14 or 16 is a woman.

In many places of the world, even in different times here in the USA. Now we give people more time, overall, to grow up, to mature.

There is not sudden change at any particular age. A female does not become "a woman" when she reaches age 15, or 16, or 17 or 18 or 21.

[HopeHoops]

22. It's more of a cultural definition than physical, sure.

Just because a kid has sex it doesn't mean they're mature. Hell, I'm 48 and I doubt anyone close to me would call ME mature. :evilgrin:

But we do have secondary education that runs through (nominally) eighteen and those are important years from a social perspective. The responsibility of caring for a child is a serious obstacle for girls who wish to pursue post-high school education. I specifically used "girls" in that statement because they are often the primary if not only caregiver. One of my daughter's friends had a baby about a year ago (so called "boyfriend" raped her and she got a restraining order). Her parents have been wonderful about helping her, as was the school district, but it did put her behind by a year and she's a young single mom now. It is a sad reality, but the "sperm donor" isn't always in the picture and so-called "child support" payments don't make up for the work involved in raising a child.

[uppityperson]

23. You used "girls" to denote "the primary if not only caregiver"? How does using "girls" show respect

to those who are the primary caregivers? Seems being mature would allow them the designation of "women". Confused at this, please clarify as I'd rather not assume something you didn't mean.

[HopeHoops]

24. Sorry. Old habit - we still call our kids "the girls" just because we always have.

Actually it is rather amusing when my eldest is home from college and her boyfriend is with her - I STILL say "the girls" when I mean all of them including her boyfriend. He doesn't mind. He still calls me "sir" after over a year of dating my daughter and I keep telling him to cut that out (he's in the military).

[pennylane100]

25. Well what if she has been raped by her father or guardian,

Does he get to decide for her. Even a child should not be made to carry a pregnancy to term against her will.

[uppityperson]

21. " "Just say no" isn't the way to deal with it - "put a rubber on it" is far more realistic"? Clarify

please.

Also, are you saying abortion for "older women" should be only for health issues?

[d_r]

7. my son's only seven

so I'd ask where he heard about this "abortion" thing

[sinkingfeeling]

8. 100% supportive of her decision.

[dtexdem]

9. I'd say that he should support her decision,

financially as well as morally.

[JDPriestly]

10. Probably ask whether money would help and try to see what I could do

in that regard.

[SheilaT]

11. It's not up to me to judge or to

try to persuade them to do anything different.

They have not come asking for advice. But by telling me of their decision I suspect they are hoping I will support them. And I would.

[Name removed]

27. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Scout]

28. no one has to. does that bother you? n/t

[abelenkpe]

13. I would be 100 percent supportive

it's not my decision to make. But then privately I'd cry.

[HockeyMom]

14. That would HER decision, not my son's,

or mine.

[pennylane100]

16. I would be supportive of anything they decide

but I would remind my son that it is the partners body so in the end it is her decision.

[LiberalFighter]

18. I would have to tell them that if they are doing it for the right reason

then it is okay. They need to feel comfortable in making that decision. I would support them if they had a child and I would support them if they had an abortion. Or took precautions to prevent a pregnancy to even occur until they are ready. I would also tell them that it is neither right or wrong what they do and not allow others to judge them for doing what they believe is best for them. It is their body and their life.

Now if the person in question is much younger than I would make sure they know the consequences either way. Feeling guilty about having the abortion and guilt that others will put on them. Or going through with it and having 9 months of pregnancy and how long for feeding, changing diapers, late nites, less time to enjoy young life, etc. And if they do have the child not to expect me to be on call 100% of my time. But will help out when reasonable.

To start out I guess I would also ask what choices they are considering.

About the only time I would be upset would be if the person has too many kids and they are only interested in procreating without considering how it will effect the other children.

[G3ND3R_B3ND3R]

26. It depends

On if it's her decision or his.

If it was her decision, I'd be fine with it and tell him he needs to support his partner. No matter what.

[MayHamm]

29. Well, that's an easy one

"Oh, that's too bad. Do you need any money or anything?"

Pretty much the same thing I'd say for any other medical problem they had.

[demicritic]

30. Supportive but..

I will try to be 100% supportive but will find ways to have a constructive and preventive solution to the issue.