How do you deal with people that just don't get it?

[William769]

Concerning passing remarks that they have no clue is hurtful to the LGBT community and when you bring it to their attention, they are like don't be so sensitive.

I don't want to be a asshole but at what point do you just say fuck it and take the gloves off.

Sorry for the rant.

[Bryan Buchan]

1. You pass them over and change the minds

of those that have the aptitude to change, fighting to "be right" about and issue most often results in the issue being lost.

[noamnety]

2. In part it depends on the situation.

If it's at a job with a human resources department, I'd have no problem referring the issue to them.

If it was a friend ... I dunno. I recently confronted a friend about a racist comment. It didn't go too well, but he did agree not to discuss such things around me. So talking about black people the way he did was off limits, at least he got that it was offensive to me. And then the next time I saw him he made a racist comment about Mexicans. And then there was a third group the next time. And somewhere in there he asked if I had black ancestors, like he couldn't wrap his head around the idea that the comment was inherently offensive whether or not I was the target of it.

I came to realize I can't change him. I don't hang out with him anymore. I'm really hoping other people will call him out on it as well, because right now all he understands is that I get offended by such things. It takes hearing it from a number of sources for people to get that they are actively being offensive.

The only other thing I can think is that if you can get them to a more neutral understanding - like watching a movie that brings them to their own conclusions - they won't close up with defensiveness as if they are personally being attacked.

[RKP5637]

3. I was just saying to someone here at home today that fighting with some

people is just not worth the energy. There are some people roaming the earth that no matter what you say, no matter how often you say it, and no matter how forceful they will never change. Their brains are hard-wired for hatred and stupid remarks/comments/thinking. I am just throughly convinced some people roam in the lower spheres of life. I know that sounds arrogant of me, but damn, I think it is the truth.

[duhneece]

4. Plant seeds

If you calmly, lovingly state how you perceive their remarks, you MIGHT start them thinking. I find it a spiritual exercise, and not an easy one, but have been amazed that some people come back years later and let me know that they are now more aware, more conscious. If I'd been focused on immediate changes, I'd have been miserable.

[Warpy]

5. Sometimes you just have to mutter something unflattering under your breath

cut your losses and walk away. Some people are so blockheaded, stubborn and spiteful they'll never admit they might have been wrong about something. See: Republicans.

Your time is much better spent among people who aren't blockheads. You can change the minds of some of them.

[HillWilliam]

6. While I REALLY don't care for confrontation

I don't mind pointing out the offense and explaining why it's offensive. If they insist or want to pick a flame war, screwit, I'm outta there. I'm getting to old to deal with people who are plainly refusing to be educated. And let them think they've won, so what. Eventually either social pressure will cause them to amend their ways or they'll die. After I've made my case and they're still an asshole, I wouldn't care which happened first.

That's just my gay $.03.

I'm thinking we'll have better tools to deal on DU3.

[provis99]

7. Nothing wrong with saying "fuck off".

Getting pretty damned angry is often a useful tool for opening the eyes of the ignorant and bigoted.

[William769]

8. Thanks for all your responses.

I'm trying to hash it out now.