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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:51 PM
Original message
I'm done :-(
My husband has been cheating on me a lot, I am just finding this out. I am sooo done.

:-(

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dsc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:54 PM
Response to Original message
1. I am so sorry
That sucks. While I don't think monogomy is for everyone, the people for whom it isn't should be upfront about that fact. You deserve better.
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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:55 PM
Response to Reply #1
4. I ahd always wanted an open relationship
He was WAAAYYYYY against it. Meanwhile, he's fuckign around since basically the day I met him....
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dsc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:57 PM
Response to Reply #4
7. that is even worse
I honestly don't know what to say to that.
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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 09:11 PM
Response to Reply #7
12. It's ok :-)
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benburch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 09:05 PM
Response to Reply #4
9. Here is what to do.
Take all the money out of your joint accounts, cancel any joint credit cards, and change the locks.

If he will tell you he wanted monogamy when you wanted an open relationship, and then CHEAT on you, he will also do anything he can to hurt you during a breakup.
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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 09:11 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. luckily we have no shared monetary dealings
I worked at a bank, I know how vindictive divorcing couples can be, I won't get involved financially on principle alone. I unfortunately have a full plate this week, but ya, he's living somewhere else soon...
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Warpy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 09:28 PM
Response to Reply #4
15. Hurts like hell, doesn't it?
I'm sorry. I do know what you're going through.

Either you have a committed relationship or you don't. That "open marriage" stuff just never really works, whether you're gay or straight. Even if both partners protect themselves and others with safe sex, somebody always ends up with the short end of the stick, and somebody always ends up getting hurt (either inside or outside the relationship).

Monogamy is boring, but the alternative hurts like hell.
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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 09:39 PM
Response to Reply #15
16. I actually believe that open relationships can work
But you're right, often times they don't. I feel terribly betrayed though, by the unbelievable lying he does.....
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benburch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 10:05 PM
Response to Reply #16
20. Open relationships can indeed work.
But they take total honesty.
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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 10:06 PM
Response to Reply #20
22. I agree...
Too bad it all came from my end...
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xchrom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 09:56 AM
Response to Reply #15
27. i've had several that worked just fine, thank you.
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benburch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:54 PM
Response to Original message
2. Damn.
That is a hard one to take. Want to talk about it? How did you find this out?
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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:56 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. We live in a small town
News travels fast (but aparently not that fast...)
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salinen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:55 PM
Response to Original message
3. So Sorry.
I've been dealing with similar issue. Fucking rips your guts out. Try to stay sane if possible.
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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:56 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. I feel like such a fool
I knew about one instance, but thought (hoped) it was isolated. I feel so dumb for not seeing this a long time ago.
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arwalden Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 08:58 PM
Response to Original message
8. Ouch... I'm Sorry To Hear That.
How long have you two been together? And how old is he?

That's happened to me before, so I have a little idea of what you're going through. It sucks! It hurts!

-- Allen

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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 09:12 PM
Response to Reply #8
13. Been together 3.5 years
Married, 1.5, he's 24.
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mike_c Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 09:08 PM
Response to Original message
10. dude, I'm sorry to hear that....
Nothing hurts worse in a relationship than lies ABOUT the relationship. Nothing undermines the reasons for staying together more thoroughly. Pack it in-- there is NOTHING to salvage if you are correct.
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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 09:13 PM
Response to Reply #10
14. Good advice
Stuff I know already but for some reason need to hear from other people to reenforce the issue and make me act on what obviously needs action.
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soleft Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 09:50 PM
Response to Original message
17. I wish you a lot of comfort and strength as you process thru this
I don't know if my ex ever cheated on me physically, but he was - as Jimmy Carter says - lusting in his heart - and the surprise to me was that he wanted out. But that actually was a good thing because we tried to make more out of a what was a friendship than ever should have been.

I don't know if your husband will ever be able to make amends so that you can have an amicable split - but even tho it was a long and at times painful process, we are amicable now, and I'm in a new relationship. So there's lots of healing that can happen after you go thru this very painful time - just want you to know that people can go thru the ringer and happiness does come around again.
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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 10:05 PM
Response to Reply #17
21. We'll see
I am not sure if want any sort of amicable relationship....
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Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 09:52 PM
Response to Original message
18. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 10:02 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. huh?
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Stealther Donating Member (85 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-26-05 11:38 PM
Response to Original message
23. I'm really sorry for you
*hugs*
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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 09:27 AM
Response to Reply #23
25. thanks
*hugs* back
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sundog Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 12:06 AM
Response to Original message
24. sorry man
:pals:
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Ediacara Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 09:27 AM
Response to Reply #24
26. Thanks :-)
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xchrom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 09:59 AM
Response to Original message
28. dude, that's too bad.
so did he say why he went suicidal on the relationship?

i mean, i'm guessing he probably knew he was burning his bridges?

that's really too bad. makes me sad.
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Dookus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 01:44 PM
Response to Original message
29. ugh
so sorry to hear it, Dinoboy. I went through a similar thing a few years ago - it's very painful.
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Misunderestimator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 05:56 PM
Response to Original message
30. On no... I went through that a bit less than a year ago myself...
going through the immense feelings of betrayal is agony. :hug:

At least for me, in retrospect, the betrayal hurried the process in the direction we seemed to be heading anyway, and that's a good thing.
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jonnyblitz Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Feb-27-05 08:24 PM
Response to Original message
31. damn that sucks.
I have read your posts, seen your gallery picture, what was wrong with this guy? yes you will get over this as time passes (cliche I know)though it might not seem like it at present. His loss for sure. :hug:
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terrya Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-28-05 06:47 AM
Response to Original message
32. I'm really sorry to hear about that.
God, that's awful.

:hug:

T
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LDS Jock Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-28-05 10:37 AM
Response to Original message
33. ohh.. I'm sorry.. thats terrible
I've been there, and know the feeling. It sucks. Sorry buddy. :hug:
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davidinalameda Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-28-05 10:52 AM
Response to Original message
34. sorry love
we're here for you if you need us

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nothingshocksmeanymore Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-28-05 11:22 AM
Response to Original message
35. I'm sorry DinoBoy
But glad you recognize it's over and that he is untrustworthy
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swimmernsecretsea Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-28-05 12:38 PM
Response to Original message
36. I'm so sorry...
It's gonna hurt. Let it. But it gets better. Wish I could do something.
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ronnykmarshall Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-28-05 01:14 PM
Response to Original message
37. I'm so sorry sweetie!
It sucks. I had the hardest time when I broke up with my last boyfriend.

:hug:
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ladeuxiemevoiture Donating Member (668 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Feb-28-05 06:49 PM
Response to Original message
38. Sorry!
:( I also have been going through break-up madness, though not quite like yours - mine is bad enough, yours sounds much worse, and for that, you have my total sympathy.

My unsolicited advice: try to do things with friends. If you have too much time on your hands to dwell on it, you'll just get depressed.
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