I am in need of some guidance.

[Le Taz Hot]

I have a Great Aunt and Great Uncle, 86 and 85 respectively whom I love and adore. I am the closest thing they have to a child and, as they cared for me a great deal while I was growing up, obviously I feel responsible for their well-being at this point in their lives.

There are several issues that need to be addressed with them but my first, most urgent issue is lack of a Will and Living Will. I've tried gently encouraging her to speak with a lawyer of her choice, but, for whatever reason, she seems reluctant. I don't want to push too hard but I also don't want to see everything they've worked so hard for go to the State of California. I don't care if they leave everything to the neighbor's dog, I just want to make sure their estate goes to who/where they want it to go.

I've never dealt with this situation before and I am at a loss as to what to do about it. If there's anyone here that could offer some guidance, I'd be most obliged.

Thanks,

LTH

[hermetic]

1. Will Kits

You can get them online and at some book stores. It might be a good place to start and they may realize it's not as frightening a thing to do as they thought.

[Le Taz Hot]

3. I'm a little reluctant to go that route

because 1) they have assets scattered in several places and I would not know what I was doing handling all the different types of assets and 2) I'd hate to have a Will like that contested because it either wasn't done properly or because I would essentially be walking through the process with them and I don't even want to give the appearance of impropriety here. (My vermin relatives would contest it in a hot flash if they thought they could get away with it.) I feel it needs to be done by an attorney (which they can afford) and needs to be iron-clad so my relatives can't go against their wishes.

I guess what I'm asking is how to approach it with them in order to get this taken care of.

But thanks for responding. I appreciate it.

[mcscajun]

2. Once you get the kit wills, start with the Living Will.

Stress you need the legal authority to take care of them should something happen. Not sure what the situation is in California, or if you would be legally able to do so without one.

Get over that hurdle first, and the Will may become easier.

[notadmblnd]

4. Do they have a financial advisor?

They could put their assets into a revocable trust? That way it won't go into probate when they die. What I'm wondering is.. what is the likelihood that something is going to happen to both of them at the same time? If One of them goes first, the surviving spouse has control of all the assets. I didn't have a will made up until after my husband died. The only reason I did it though is because I would need to specify who was to become guardian of my child and make medical decisions for me in the event something happens. Maybe you could approach it that way with them? I know they don't have to worry about who will look after their children, but who makes decisions for you in the event you are unable to make them yourself? That issue could be more important to them than who inherits their assets?

[Le Taz Hot]

6. Yes, thank you!

They do not have a financial advisor or he/she would be the first person I would turn to. The likelihood of them both going at the same time is remote, however, my uncle, who is in ill health and would not be able to make responsible decisions for himself (he's already been swindled several times -- petty amounts so far but still . . .) so if my aunt goes first, I'd have no idea where to start. My aunt is still in good health and mental faculties and she would, with my help, be able to handle everything OK.

And you make a good point about who will make decisions for them should they become unable. As I stated in my OP, there are several issues involved here and that certainly was one of them. And you're probably right that that is the issue that needs to be dealt with, even ahead of the Will. It's just that my aunt is so reluctant to even talk about any of it and I'm truly at my wits end.

Thanks so much for your response.

[grasswire]

10. do they have a lawyer for any other purposes?

This would be so much easier for you if someone else urged them to get on with this. Or maybe you could find an article about some horror stories of people who did not settle their affairs. If you know someone who has been through that, you could relate the story if nothing better.

[Quakerfriend]

5. My mother was also reluctant. So, what we did was to start

by discussing OUR OWN living wills, POAs and etc with her. We simply brought out copies of our own paper work after dinner and started talking.

Good Luck!

[cloudythescribbler]

9. good thinking!

[enough]

7. Several years ago, I went through this with my elderly parents.

They were completely unwilling to think about ANYTHING having to do with their death or any planning for their future needs for care, etc.

So I explained to my parents that I had been talking with my old friend who is a lawyer, and that she (the lawyer) was telling me that it was my RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that my parents had their affairs in order, that I really should have made sure it was taken care of long ago. (I am an only child.) I told my parents that I was feeling very concerned that I was failing in my responsibility to them, and that I would really feel better if they would set up the Will, medical directives, POA, etc.

That seemed to work for them. They have a lot of respect for this friend of mine, and they were also swayed by the fact that I was feeling personally worried about it. After that we went through the whole complicated process without a hitch. And later, after my father developed Alzheimer's Disease and my mother had several serious medical issues that made her intermittently incompetent, I was extremely grateful that these things had been done in time.

Maybe there is somebody in your Aunt and Uncle's life or you life who could be in that role -- a respected friend who would be the messenger (either in person, or second hand) to tell them that they really have to do these things for themselves and for those who are responsible for them.

Good luck.

[stellanoir]

8. Just heard about this site

http://www.legalzoom.com/ advertised on Stephanie Miller's show.

I saw up thread that you didn't want to do it online but you could perhaps get the appropriate forms from them and/or call them for some free advice and then get further more specific assistance locally.

Good luck with getting all of this resolved.

[bkkyosemite]

11. My aunt and uncle in their 80's died 6 weeks apart and were pretty healthy.

I would see if you can find a lawyer that will come to the house being they are elderly and call it a hour consultation. Pay for the hour plus travel time. CA will go to probate and their money will go to the state to decide. It can take years. It is a mess. Do your best to get them to an attorney.