My father left the oven on at 300 degrees while he left the house to run an errand.

[no_hypocrisy]

My 86 year old father who lives alone. And defends his action as acceptable. Doesn't believe there's any danger whether he's in the house or out. And he started a fire with a over-microwaved heating pad this spring. The house is just being finished in its restoration and I find out he's doing this stuff.

Someone talk me down.

:-(

[cliffordu]

1. Time for a live-in helper or a nice assisted living spot.

[xchrom]

2. can't talk you down -- try care taking 99 year old mother. nt

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. If he was baking something, then I see no problem...

But I see your point. The microwave is certainly a bigger hazard.
The question is: Is he aware of what he's doing?

If he isn't, then you're right to be alarmed.

It's a tough situation for you, and I'm sorry.

[jgraz]

4. I've done that at less than half his age.

My girlfriend has done it so often that she bought a cooktop and oven that only work on a time limit. If you can afford the expense, that may be a solution for your dad.

[snagglepuss]

5. I don't see a problem leaving the oven on at 300 while he goes out.

Perhaps you could get him a super loud easy-to-use timer when he uses the microwave?

[Miss_Underestimated]

6. Safety for your father & others is the 1st concern. Sounds like he is

endangering himself & others just with the oven and microwave (who knows what else he may be doing as well - driving??)

Time to start having a conversation about either live in care or moving to assisted living. Very painful.

I googled "how to move elderly parents to assisted living" and found lots of useful advice

good luck

it ain't easy

[bobburgster]

9. error

[Chemisse]

10. Safety is not the first concern.

When I get old I would MUCH rather endanger myself with an oven left on than lose my independence.

Really, why should safety dictate all actions when these poor people will be dead regardless withing a few years?

[Miss_Underestimated]

17. I understand where you're coming from. The Farmers Market crash in CA is worst case scenario

remember this? The 86 yr old man who mowed down 10 people had had a mishap with his car a year earlier - he drove it up onto the lawn over a curb and people thought it was cute and funny until this happened a year later...certainly I believe in holding onto independence for as long as humanly possible until there is inevitable danger involved...

http://cnn.usnews.printthis.clickability.com/pt/cpt?action=cpt&title=CNN.com+-+Infant+10th+fatality+in+farmers%27+market+crash+-+Jul.+17%2C+2003&expire=-1&urlID=6944096&fb=Y&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cnn.com%2F2003%2FUS%2FWest%2F07%2F17%2Ffarmers.market.crash%2Findex.html&partnerID=2004

Infant 10th fatality in farmers' market crash

SANTA MONICA, California (CNN) --A 7-month-old boy died Thursday of injuries suffered Wednesday when an 86-year-old man drove his car through a crowded farmers' market in Santa Monica, California.

The boy was the 10th fatality. More than 50 people were injured when Russell Weller drove his car through the pedestrians-only, three-block stretch crowded with shoppers, police said. Weller may face manslaughter charges, police said Thursday.

The Los Angeles County Coroner's Office identified the latest victim as Brendon Esfahani.

Despite the tragedy, officials said a farmers' market will be held as scheduled Saturday at the same location, along with an interfaith service to mourn those killed and injured.

Weller told police he could not stop his 1992 Buick LeSabre as it barrelled through the crowd. Santa Monica's police chief said Weller might have hit the gas pedal instead of his brakes.

The car finally stopped with a man on the hood and a woman pinned underneath, a witness said.

One witness, Anne Sage, called the scene -- about three blocks from the Los Angeles suburb's landmark pier -- "complete bedlam."

"There was one woman who was obviously killed on the pavement," said Sage, a worker in a nearby office. "I went over to a young girl who was just sitting there, completely dazed, and tried to help her. It was horrendous."

Sage's co-worker, Tracy Williams, said she feels "terribly sorry" for Weller. She said a friend, who attends the same church as Weller, is "just devastated and told us what a wonderful man he is, and I feel terribly sorry for him and his wife."

Santa Monica Police Chief James Butts Jr. called the scene "the single most horrific, devastating scene of tragedy I've ever witnessed in 30 years of law enforcement."

Butts said Weller could be charged with manslaughter once police turn the case over to the district attorney's office, which he said could happen in two to three weeks.

"I think at the end of the day we're going to find a driver that had diminished capacity -- and whether that's going to rise to the level of manslaughter, that's going to be for the DA to ascertain," he said.

snip

[Chemisse]

18. Indeed, at some point elderly people need to stop driving for everyone's safety.

But as far as living alone goes, if they are not driving, it is only their own safety at stake.

My great grandmother lived alone by herself until she died at age 94. She had her wits about her until she died and - luckily for her - nobody decided she needed supervision.

[2Design]

23. get the drunks off the road first - they kill a huge amount of people every year n/t

[Chemisse]

26. Good point

The elderly driver plowing into a crowd of children makes for a splashy story, but all the people who die via drunk drivers every year would make for a pretty huge crowd.

[Lasher]

7. Your apprehension is justified.

I know of an eldery couple whose children have jumped through hoops to get them free assistance in their home for preparing meals, light cleaning, running errands and such. After six months of swimming through administrative rivers of snot, said children were rewarded with their partens' refusal to sign the papers. This same scenario played out thrice, with the children having to start all over as though they had never before applied for such assistance. All the while the parents have not been shy about asking the children to take them to doctors/emergency rooms, pick up prescriptions, prepare meals, do light and heavy cleaning, run errands, and somehow find time to drop by regularly just to chat.

My advice: Usually there is one sibling who gets tagged with almost all the responsibility. If there is any way whatever, get full blown power of attorney before you do anything else.

[no_hypocrisy]

8. In a perfect world, I could do all that.

My father has enough mental capacity to oppose any minimal control over him. He won't let any of us live with him or have a live-in. He shouldn't be driving but he is and yes, lots of "fender-benders". We'd take away his keys except he'd go out and buy another car tomorrow. We have to wait until he's partially incapacitated and that's tragic by itself.

[Lasher]

16. Trust me I can relate.

Step back for a moment. Is it best to support his current independence despite associated risks discussed in this thread? That might very well be the case. Might not. But there is one thing for certain, you can do everything you can to help. But pay heed to this: You must protect your own emotional health. It might come to a point where you just have to go into seclusion.

Good luck my friend,

Lasher

[tularetom]

11. It's hard for him to acknowledge that he needs help from his kid

After my mom died, we tried to get my dad who was actually in a lot worse shape than my mom had been, into a home. He pitched a major fit and we backed off. Within a week or two we started getting calls from his neighbors that he was doing a lot of goofy stuff. When we found out he would sit on his back porch and shoot at squirrels with a .22 we sent my brother over there to disarm him (we live 1000 miles away). That started the argument all over again, but before we could settle anything he had a massive stroke and passed away.

I honestly believe if it were somebody other than his own sons making such an argument, he might have gone along with it. But he wasn't about to admit that his kids knew best.

[rgbecker]

12. "Death Panels" look more and more like a good option!

[ret5hd]

13. Well you're a sick little fuck tonite, aren't you.

[99 Percent Sure]

14. Okay, I'll bite. First, is the stove/oven gas or electric?

If it is electric, I don't see the problem. If gas, there MAY be a problem, but not much, IMO.

I don't care for microwaves and don't own one myself, though I'm not elderly. I happen to believe that it is a much bigger hazard for the elderly for the reason you mentioned.

Is your dad suffering from any form of dementia or senility? If he is, I understand your concern. If he isn't, then ... Really, there's not enough information to gauge whether your father is truly endangering himself and his home.

I leave the electric oven on and leave the house myself, particularly if I'm planning to bake and have toi run to the store.

[CTyankee]

15. OK this happened to my mother. She lived in TX and I lived in CT.

My brother, who had lived with my mother, had a stroke and was now in a nursing home. So I talked to my mother and her dear friend also talked to her about the assisted living facility nearby (not far from her).

It was the BEST thing I ever did for her. She thrived, gained weight (she was dangerously underweight living by herself), and was safe and had her meds right on time.

Her assisted living facility was the nicest place in the world and they treated her beautifully. She wasn't overprocessed. She had the help she needed (meds, help with showers, and meals).

If anyone has this problem, I urge you to look around for assisted living places in your areas. I found one, amid many that were not as good, in the northwest corner of Dallas, that I absolutely loved and one that helped mother enormously...

[enough]

19. Having recently gone through the last years of my 86 and 88 year old parents,

I would say that the two biggest questions are: What does he want? and Is he endangering other people? The question of driving is the place where our elders have the greatest capacity to harm others. Also the question of firearms in the house.

After that, you have a very delicate dance (which may take years) of figuring out what he really wants and how able is he to live life as he wants it.

All the best to you and him. Thanks for caring about it. A lot of elderly people have nobody around to do that for them.

[maglatinavi]

20. From the horse's mouth

I am 79, recently moved to Texas at the insistence of my brother who has lived in this city (???) here 28 yrs. after retiring from the army. mayor of the city for three terms, civil, political leader, etc. Great?!? I am miserable ... I do not have a car ... and without wheels life is no life ... My daughter bought me a house in a nice section of the city, about 2 miles from my brother ... but without "wheels" life is not life .. Brother is so busy with his social, civic and political activities, plus he is a rabid Aggie fan ...atic that goes all over the nation come futbol season ... I cannot really count on him ... children live in California ... daughter doesn't want me to live with her ...
I do forget the oven and the stove, ergo, I hardly use them. I only use the microwave for the simple fare I have ...am vegeterian ... I have a dog that I adopted from a shelter when my blood pressure went over 200 ... it helps and is my solace, but has no wheels to take me out...nor speaks ...
People say I do not look 79 and I don't feel 79, although I am diabetic and depressive...
Have been very active as a prfessional and as an advocate for homeless, immigrants, civil rights animls, volunteer at cast off store, etc. and now I have my hands tied because of my non mobility.
My daughter doesn't want me to have a car ... but I don't have one because I do not have the $$$ to buy one...
Have you heard enough??? ... By the way, I am a yellow democrat and luckily have hooked with the "Move on org" people here who take me to the rallies for health reform that have taken place in the last few weeks ... I am at heart a "rabble rouser" when it comes to civil and any other human and animal rights... by the way, member of UCLA ... but there is no group in this frigging city where I live...
I also paint, but have the same problem ... no wheels ...not much I can do with my products ... :rant: :rant: :rant: :patriot: :patriot: :patriot:

[WVRICK13]

21. Love To But

I have an 89 year old father and 87 year old mother who live alone and my father worries me with the microwave. His sight is bad and he frequently puts in things for 2 hours and thinks it is 2 minutes. I try to work around the issue. When my mother was in the hospital I went to their house and it the clock button. If you don't set the time and hit the clock button the microwave is locked up. My father called and told me the microwave wasn't working, I told him I would look at it later and fixed it when my mother got home. Many ovens have a sabbath mode, set that and it won't work until you disable it. One day we too will be in those shoes and I hope someone protects me without making me feel too bad.

[no_hypocrisy]

22. That's how the fire in April started.

My father put a heating pad in the microwave for 30 minutes, not 3 minutes and he didn't soak it at all first. Long story short: the pad was burning hot, he wrapped it in a towel, put in his easy chair, the hot pad fell into the chair, and smoldered.

We were downstairs, eating dinner for 2-1/2 hours before the DOWNSTAIRS smoke alarm went off. (He took out the batteries for the UPSTAIRS smoke alarm . . . ) Black, thick, choking smoke.

Dad.did.it. And denied he did it. Blamed it on an electrical outlet that had no plug inserted.

[2Design]

24. you can get him declared incompetent and take over conservativeship - my sister did that and he hate

he hated her for it - pleaded with everyone to stop her - they went along with it - I had no money to fight her - they put him away in one of those assisted places against his will - he hated losing his freedom - eventually he died of a broken heart - he had a tenant that he gave all his stuff to at the beginning of them take him and his house and stuff - they seemed more concerned about the stuff being gone and wanted to go after the tenant - I sent him a letter and told him he had to hire his own lawyer and prove he was capable and get his own doctors - he did that but it was too late - he was already in one of those places - and they drug them to keep them sedate - with multiple drugs eventually he had a mild stroke - so you can put them away and kill their spirit or find another way.

[no_hypocrisy]

25. We've thought about it but he has enough sensibility to overcome

the challenge. He's quirky and irresponsible. That's not enough to prevail on our part.

[eleny]

27. I haven't read this whole thread but let me ask something

What actually happened? Did he put something in the oven to cook while he was out and all went well? Or was he gone too long and something burned?

The reason I ask is because ovens usually have a timer you can set to go on and off. You can put something in the oven before going to work and the food is ready about when you get home. It's advertised as a feature.

My point is that people can do this and it's no big deal. If your dad left the food in the oven, went out and completely forgot about it, then it's a problem. Tell me more about the circumstance.

[kaehele]

28. and the problem is?

Don't put the elderly chap on an ice flow. If there is nothing in the oven, what is the problem?

People of all ages can buffoon us with their habits, but leaving an oven on or over-heating a pad in the micro is not necessarily a sign of anything other than that he lives differently from you.

Not sure your needing to be "talked down" is reasonable, are you? Are you too impatient with him?

[eleny]

29. You meant to respond to the OP