I've never been to me

[yasmina27]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezBWBf36724&feature=related

I loved this song when I was in my 20's. Thought it reflected so well my life up until then (although I'd never been undressed by kings nor drank champagne on a yacht). Then I got married and had children, and can so relate to the other side of the story.

Anyone else remember this song?

[Oceansaway]

1. ...

I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ME
Charlene
(Ken Kirsch / Ronald Miller)

Hey lady, you lady
cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother
and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about
the things you'll never do
But,
I wish someone had talked to me
like I wanna talk to you.....

Ooh I've been to Georgia and California
and, anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man
and we made love in the sun
but I ran out of places
and friendly faces
because I had to be free
I've been to paradise
but I've never been to me...

Please lady, please, lady
don't just walk away
'cause I have this need to tell you
why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
still living in your eyes
won't you share a part
of a weary heart
that has lived million lies.......

Ooh I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece
while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo
and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings
and I've seen some things
that a woman ain't supposed to see.......
I've been to paradise,
but I've never been to me.......

Hey, you know what paradise is? It's a lie. A fantasy we create about
people and places as we'd like them to be.
But you know what truth is?
it's that little baby you're holding
it's that man you fought with this morning
the same one you're going to make love with tonight
that's truth, that's love.........

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children
that might have made me complete
but I.....I took the sweet life
I never knew
I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring
the subtle whoring
that costs too much to be free....
hey lady......
I've been to paradise......
but I've never been to me..........

[femrap]

22. I had never heard this song....or if I did, I

didn't listen to the crappy lyrics. Did Phyllis Schaffly write this?

[pop goes the weasel]

2. I hate that song and always have

What ever were you smoking?

Been a'crying for unborn children who might have made you complete, were you? While in your 20s? That sounds less like having been to paradise and more like having been to dollar drink night.

I was in my early 20s when that song came out, and was a young mother. I knew right wing antifeminist propaganda when I heard it, and couldn't understand how such drivel was getting any air play. So, please tell me, what did you think it meant? How could this backlash song by two men have had any appeal?

[Quantess]

3. Will you be my friend?

:hi:

[Mad_Dem_X]

4. I agree - it's an awful song

Seems like she's saying, just be happy being a wife and mother, don't go out and travel or have your own life or you're a whore. :thumbsdown:

[Warpy]

7. Thank you!

I thought it sucked the big one. One of the things I've known from childhood is that I never wanted children, so it's not a case of "Oops, I forgot to breed and now I'm unfulfilled!"

Life is what it is and we don't all live the same one. We didn't do that even in the "anatomy is destiny" days of Freud. If we didn't want to be tied to a man and pregnant all the time there were alternatives, although they were at least as unattractive.

The only time I've seen this drivel done creditably is in the beginning of "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert." Only a drag queen could possibly sell this sucker.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

11. I find it amusing when people ask me if I worry about regretting my decision to be childless

I'm always tempted to respond by asking if they worry about regretting having their children one day. Personally, I'll take my chances with my decision.

[Iris]

14. I have read articles that say when parents are polled anonymously, many say they regret having kids.

The thing is - no one wants to say it out loud.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

16. Oh they say it out loud alright

Unfortunately they often say it to the kids.

[gaspee]

5. Uhm

That's about the most anti-feminist song I've ever read the lyrics for.

The only way women can be fulfilled is to squeeze out kids?

Gross.

There is more to women's lives than cranking out kids.

[Iris]

6. I so totally agree. I'm surprised that at DU there are few people who understand

that the maternal instinct can be fulfilled in many ways. Or may not even exist at all for some women in the same way that some men lack any kind of paternal instinct.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

12. The most dangerous myth in all of human thought is that all women possess a maternal instinct

Nothing could be further from the truth, and the horrifying reports of child abuse and neglect attest to it. But that myth saturates anti-choice rhetoric. These people would have you believe that every woman has this awesome spiritual experience when the baby kicks in the womb or is placed in her arms after birth.

[Iris]

17. Exactly. I shudder to think how many women have been pressured into having children

no matter how ambiguous they were about it. "You'll regret not having children later" "Who will take care of you when your old?" I'm at a point where there's probably a 5-year window for me to have a baby or adopt and at this point, thinking beyond that 5 year period and the possibility that I won't have kids makes me think of all that I can have or do instead.

I particularly remember a neighbor of my mom's saying "She'll want to have a baby just as soon as her brother and his wife have one. That's what my daughter did." I was thinking, "What? Sibling rivalry goes THAT far?" Still, didn't happen to me.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

18. It's true. My sister and I were adopted because my mom was jealous of her sister.

One of our parents (I think it was our dad) was infertile. Our aunt had one child and one on the way and our mother insisted on adopting children. After my parents divorced when I was 4, I didn't see my mother again until I was 18. And we lived in the same town. She's been dead almost a decade and I've made my peace with it but I'm very conscious of the some of the more self-absorbed and self-indulgent reasons that people have for procreating. But they call us childfree people "selfish".

[Iris]

19. Yes, I love it when they call us selfish.

And also say things like we can never understand life until we have children. When someone says something like that, I just think how pathetic they are and can't even imagine what kind of person they must have been BEFORE they had kids.

I'm glad you've made your peace with your mother. I imagine life was pretty hard for her during that time and I'm sorry you had to suffer for it.

[musette_sf]

20. i am so glad that i knew by the age of 14

that i never, ever wanted children. i was pretty sure of it all along, actually, but my baby sister was born when i was 13. i got to be built-in baby sitter FAR too often, and got a real close up view of what motherhood was really like. for me, that was the deal breaker.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

21. There was a study, I wish I could remember where I saw it

That showed that women who were elder daughters with much younger siblings were significantly less likely than other groups of women to marry or have children.

Makes sense, doesn't it?

[TellTheTruth82]

8. I liked this song

Course it was the tune I liked, never really knew the lyrics. (Radio statios say men tend to listen to the tune, while women listen to lyrics, and since I'm a man...)

[One_Life_To_Give]

9. I am with you

I always thought it was meant that being a high priced call girl wasn't all it was cracked up to be. But then again I didn't really listen to/study the Lyrics either.

[Nobody]

10. Since I was 11 when I heard it on the radio

I liked it until I got a couple years older and then I heard the lyrics. Really heard the lyrics. Hated it since then.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

13. Yeah, at least "Having My Baby" by Paul Anka put it right out there

In all it's atrocious glory.

[Nobody]

15. I hate that one too, and here's one more for you

"Every Home Should Have One" sung by a woman country singer* in the mid-80s about how every home should have a wife. It sounded to me like she was buying into the Woman = Property crap and this was an advertising jingle. Every home should have one, buy now and get 20% off! It had an annoying tune on top of it, plus it's country and I've never met a country song I liked.

I can't remember the name, some two-bit singer who only got 15 minutes of fame. With good reason.

* Ordinarily I dislike seeing things like "woman country singer" when a pronoun is not very far away. Here I used this phrase because it's very important to point out the femaleness of this particular country music singer.

[alarimer]

23. The single worst song I have ever heard

Utter crap.

[kiva]

24. Actually, makes my list of top 3 most hated songs.

Hated the assumption that nothing is more important to a woman than having a baby. Besides, I always thought that drinking champagne on a yacht sounded like a lot more fun!

[Taylor4change]

25. Never had a kid....

But I *have* been to me.


And to a few other folks.