A question about tipping waiters

[Dover]

An old friend from out of town was visiting and I took her to a nice restaurant for dinner.
Besides entrees and salad, we both had a couple of glasses of wine each. When the waiter, who
had been pretty attentive without imposing, delivered the check, I began calculating my usual
20% tip on the total amount. I usually give 20% unless the waiter is not that good, in which
case I leave 10 or 15%. Anyway, my friend looks at the bill from across the table and tells me
I really don't need to tip on the alcohol portion of the bill (which, for all 4 drinks, was almost as much as our two entrees). Either I've been figuring it wrong for a long time, or my friend's 'tip etiquette' isn't accurate. I don't really care one way or the other, but now I'm curious. Any thoughts?

[Callalily]

1. Yes, you would definitely tip

on the alcohol portion of the bill too. Even if you had drinks only, one should tip.

As much as I abhor tipping, it's just part of our culture, part of "going out".

Several friends and I meet maybe every 6 weeks at a bar. We only have drinks and "happy hour" food. I always tip the bartender.

[Phentex]

2. the cheap tipper strikes again!

I have a friend who insists on calculating the tip before taxes which might be correct but who cares? I am an over tipper AND I like round numbers so I tend to round up whenever I can.

I don't like to sit there and figure out ways to give the server less money so your friend would bug the crap outta me.

[beac]

3. Your friend is 100% wrong.

I've heard a lot of rationalizations for being a lousy tipper ("don't tip on the tax", "don't tip on the total if you used a coupon" and "it's not MY job to pay the waiter's salary" are some examples) but I've never heard this one and it's a fat load of BS (excuse my French.)

I worked in the restaurant business for years-- in the kitchen, on the floor, behind the bar and at all levels of management.

Waiters generally make FAR less than the minimum wage (in Virginia, it's about $2.50 an hour) and they count on their tips to live on. In most restaurants, waitstaff have to tip out other staff that support them (bussers, service bartenders, sometimes even the kitchen) based on their SALES, i.e. a set percentage regardless of whether some cheapskate had him bring her two rounds of drinks and thought he should do that without receiving anything in return. So, your friend likely COST that waiter money by sitting in his section that night.

Dining in a restaurant is, let's face it, a luxury and if you can't afford to pay the full rate, including a decent tip on the WHOLE tab (assuming service was good), you should stay home. People who try to save money by stiffing their server make me sick.



ETA: Your usual 20% is good and appropriate, as is tipping less if service was lacking (just make sure you aren't punishing them for something out of their control like bad food.)

Edited AGAIN to add: Just want to be clear that the "cheapskate" I referenced was your friend, not you. And I also realized that since you paid the tip (hope you didn't follow her bad advice), he likely didn't lose money on your table. :)

[Warpy]

4. Oh, please, it's 20% of the bill unless he steps on your feet,

spills stuff all over you, and insults people at the table. If he does the latter creatively enough, I add a little extra for creativity, but the stomping and spillage are unforgivable.

He's providing a service when he brings your drinks, so yes, that's part of it. He's also getting paid far less than minimum wage and he depends on those tips, much of the time having to share them with the bartender, maitre'd, cashier, hostess, or whatever.

I tried waiting tables for a living, but with undiagnosed rheumatoid arthritis, I didn't last long and went into healthcare because it was easier. It's a tough job with all the shit you can eat from the general public. Unless wait staff is egregious, I tip and I tip well.

[MajorChode]

11. I don't believe you should automatically tip 20%

I would have to receive very bad service to tip less than 15%, and the number of times I have received service that was bad enough to do so I can count on one hand with fingers left over. This is for full service only. For less than full service I tip from 15% down to nothing depending on the level of service. I do agree that the alcohol portion should be treated the same as the food portion. I never tip more than 20% unless I am just rounding up. I also stack up all my dishes so I'm not leaving the table in a complete mess. If everyone tipped at least 15% for full service, waiting tables would be a much better job than it is.

[nadinbrzezinski]

5. You tip for all the service

at a place like oh chain "family style restaurant," aka IHOP it is 15%

At a fancier place it is 20%

You have been doing this right.

By the way I tend to tip higher for good service, and lower for lousy service.

[Dover]

6. Thanks for all the feedback!

And for confirming my suspicions - I knew that wasn't accurate, and did indeed go ahead and pay my usual 20%. I made light of her comment and jokingly told her to butt-out as it was I who was treating HER. I also suggested she had gotten some bum advice about the proper etiquette and should seriously look into the matter before continuing that practice.

I can't even remember the last time I had truly bad service. But if I did get a really bad waiter (unattentive, bad attitude, intrusive, spills) I'd probably be pretty direct about my displeasure so they would know to stop it, or probe a bit and ask them what kind of day they were having OR in extreme cases seek out the manager and let him/her know about it. I'm aware that everyone has bad days and good days and almost always give people providing any service a lot of leeway. And I can only hope others will treat me the same way. I think most people try to be helpful and do a good job and take pride in their work.

[yellerpup]

7. Sounds like you have it down just right.

I have friends who tip on the subtotal excluding tax, but I do, loosely, 20% on the total bill. By loosely, I mean that if a $20 tip amounts to 19.4%, I can live with that and if it amounts to 22%, I can live with that too. I also try to always tip in cash because the IRS assumes that servers receive a %15 tip and tax them accordingly. Minimum wage laws don't cover them and they deserve to be acknowledged with money for providing good service. My mom was a waitress (in the days before servers) and she always said, "If you don't have money for the tip, then you don't have the money to eat out."

Your friend is mistaken. If no one ever tipped on the beverage portion of the bill, then you would never meet a friendly bartender. :hi:

[Stinky The Clown]

8. You're right. 20% on everything

I'm bad about tipping. I now do 25%. Unless the service is crappy. Then I do as low as nothing.

[Lugnut]

9. I always over-tip.

I worked as a waitress when I was in high school and I've never forgotten how much tips matter.

[Warpy]

12. That seems to be the pattern here

If you've done the job, you know how hard and thankless it is and you tip, even if the wait staff is having a bad day, their feet hurt, and you're not getting properly obsequious attention.

[hippywife]

10. As everyone else has said

your friend is incorrect. I can see why some people would think that way as the alcoholic beverages can double your bill. However, from experience I can tell you that the server in a nice restaurant has to tip out the bartender at the end of the day, as well as the busser. So, having the experience I have had with cheap tippers, I always tip 20% based on the total and usually round up.

[NashVegas]

13. Drinks Are Part of the Bill

As for the 15% v 20% stuff ... the last time I waded into this perennial argument, it turned out that 85% of the DUers who were calling 15% tippers "cheapskates!!!!" were eating at frigging Denny's.

Your friend's etiquette, in general, could use some work. One shouldn't pick up the bill if one's dining companion is taking care of the matter, unless asked.

[sandnsea]

14. I tip 15% on everything

I don't know why the proper tip keeps going up and up and up. It used to be 10%, I accepted 15%. Ten years ago it was 18% at restaurants where they figured the tip for you.

When did it go to 20%?

But yes, I tip on everything unless the beverage server is separate and I already gave her the tip.

On edit:

I suppose I should remind folks waiters get minimum wage in Oregon. It's $8.40 hr right now.

[csziggy]

15. Here in Florida waiters get much less than minimum wage

I am not sure how much at the moment, but I have heard it is less than 50% of minimum.

Hubby and I tip 25% unless the service is bad. My college roommate who worked her way through graduate school taught me to tip very generously.

I tend to tip higher at cheaper places, as high as 50% pr more. One of my favorite places to get lunch is Waffle House. For a $5-6 lunch, I usually tip $3. The waitresses there work just as hard as at many more expensive places so I figure they need a higher percentage since the food is cheaper.

Since we now eat out only a few times a year, figuring on a large tip is just part of the extravagance for us.

[hippywife]

16. That's a good idea

about tipping a little more at the cheaper places. Many of those servers are busting their butts and just struggling to make it.

We went to a very expensive restaurant with friends the other night, another married couple. I had a gift card for $50 as a birthday gift from another friend so we decided to pick up the check before we even went. I knew it was going to be pricey and really didn't mind. The check was $108, leaving us with $83, it nearly killed me to leave a $25 tip, but I did.