My 12 year old want to wear black to a wedding.

[Chalco]

I took my daughter shopping for a dress for an upscale wedding--my brother's kid. We looked at a lot of gorgeous things. The outfit she liked the best was a gorgeous scoop neck black top with a skirt that was equally gorgeous. I mean it will fit right in being upscale but is black ok? According to a friend of mine it is if the accessories are colorful. She will probably be wearing blue accessories.

Sorry for the etiquette question, but all of a sudden I've got a teenager and I don't know how to negotiate this. I haven't bought the outfit yet. I thought that she looked best in a different outfit.

???

[wildeyed]

1. Ah, it begins.

Hey, at least she will go shopping with you. When I was that age, I could barely speak to my Mother.

My Mom was always fairly controlling about what I wore and it really backfired on her. I wore mostly black and stuff from the thrift shop from about 13 on. Also cut and dyed my hair myself.

I guess it is a matter of choosing your battles. Plus, if she goes and looks ridiculous, she has to deal with it, not you.

But my .02, I don't see anything wrong with wearing black at a wedding. Some of the brides maids dresses are black, now, especially for evening, formal weddings. So there is probably no problem with a guest wearing black.

[Chalco]

2. Yes, I decided to let it go and just go along with her choice.

I mean the dress is not ugly. It has lots of style. I think she'd look better in something with color but she likes it. So I'm going to go along with it especially since black is now in at weddings.

What I worry about is whether she's going into things that might worry me. She also bought for everyday wear with her own money a black wristband with a bunny with fangs on it. She's very creative, writes and draws a lot and is on the computer many hours a day. I just hope she's not into some dark stuff. Just rambling here. But I am worried. She also bought some music that seems dark--Good Charlotte: The Young and the Hopeless. Some of the song titles are: my bloddy valentine, the day that i die, emotionless. Others are: a new beginining, the anthem, lifestyles of the rich and famous. So they are not all dark.

I'll have to listen to it. Sorry for the rambling. I'm not looking forward to the next few years.

[wildeyed]

3. She is just growing up.

Sounds like she is creative and wants to express herself, experiment a little with new looks.

You are paying attention, and that goes a long way. If she gets into real trouble, you will be there to catch her, help her get back on track.

[SoCalDem]

5. Use reverse psychology.. tell her how much YOU like the "look"

Kids usually like to tweak their parents at that age.. My own son grew his hair long, and used to "ask" me if I liked his hair.. I merely reminded him, that guys I dated at his age had hair they could sit on.:).. He got tired of screwing with long hair and cut it soon after:)

He asked about piercing his ear.. I said sure, why not:).. He stopped wearing the earring soon after..

Thank goodness no one wanted a motorcycle. I would have been "found out" with that one :)

[Chalco]

6. Yes, my mother used that on me. I'll have to try it;.nt

[TrogL]

4. Don't worry too much about goth

About 1/4 of the kids in the high school my kid goes to are into goth in one form or another. The goth kids seem to be saner than the rest of them.

[Bouncy Ball]

7. I had to ask my 10 year old to remove the skull and crossbone

earrings before we went to the Passover Seder this year.

Good luck!

[Chalco]

8. Update. The wedding was yesterday. Interestingly enough

on the whole, women guests 30 and older wore brightly colored clothes while women under 30 wore black! This wedding was in Florida. I was totally shocked. So my 12 year old fit right in with the under 30 set. Who'd a thunk it!

[cally]

9. Wow

I had no idea that younger women wear black to weddings. I'm glad you allowed your daughter wear what's comfortable for her.