What to do when your partner disagrees about a school issue?

[Sabriel]

My 8 y.o. daughter has to choose an Asian country to research for her next unit, and she wants to do Afghanistan. However, my partner doesn't want her to AT ALL, although I think she should weigh the issues and decide for herself. She's aware of the cultural and political issues surrounding its history (we just finished reading The Breadwinner together) and says she could be fair about discussing that. But my partner--like many of us--is tired of the constant barrage of war, death, and depressing news and feels it's just a bad choice. Our daughter could end up offending someone who may have a relative in Afghan combat, says my partner.

I'd like my daughter to make up her own mind, but.... Is it worth the battle and potential hard feelings if she chooses one opinion over the other? I'm really torn here.

(edit for MW)

[lostnfound]

1. The hardest part of raising a child is raising the other parent.

I don't have a good answer. But I would tell your partner to never diminish the power of your daughter to make a difference.

It's quite possible that your daughter's open mind and curiosity at this age is more likely to have positive effects on those around her (her classmates) than ever. Plus kids learn more when they are interested than when they aren't. Plus I think we have to respect their 'inner daemons' -- it shows confidence in them and deeply honors the individual they are becoming.

I used to tell my son "Life can be hard -- that's why God made you strong. Life can be complicated -- that's why God made you smart. Life can be painful -- that's why God made you brave." It was my way of counteracting the constant disempowering directions that tell him that he is weak, insignicant and dependent.

Tell your partner not to underestimate your daughter's kindness for others either. She can find her way through this project without offending soldier's kids.

But no, I don't know whether it is worth the battle and potential hard feelings. That is a daily dilemna for many of us I suspect.

[wildeyed]

2. I'm with you, it should be her choice.

Kids should be challenged by their education, and picking a controversial topic will accomplish that. She will have to think critically about the topic, not just regurgitate facts. If it were my kid, I would be proud that she was willing to address herself to such complex issues so early in life. As a parent, I would want to support and reward that type of drive and curiosity.

Why does your partner feel so strongly about this? Is he afraid there will be social repercussions for her if she chooses this topic? Maybe talking to your daughter's teacher would be the best way to gage potential negative reactions from the class at large. If it is just his own unwillingness to engage in the topic, I would hope that he would be willing to recuse himself from the proceedings and allow her to explore the topic with your guidance only.

Either way, sounds like you have a cool kid :)

[Sabriel]

3. My partner is just tired of the constant focus on negative events

Bombings, women being shot, beheadings, IEDs, ad nauseum. And choosing Afghanistan means having to deal with it.

I don't honestly know how my daughter can do this WITHOUT offending someone. She has very strong opinions about Iraq and Afghanistan, so I imagine the urge to editorialize about the country's history might be too much for her.

Let's face it, even talking about the country's crops/exports is potentially going to lead to trouble...can you say "opium"?

[tigereye]

4. isn't it wild that kids that young are so aware of the world and it's

complexities?

My 11 year old has been reading Supersize This, and also talking about Gandhi at school. last year they worked on American Indian history - the real stuff. Both my husband and I think it's very cool.

But at times, I think we should let the kids decide - they might find a fresh and hopeful perspective we may not have seen.

Best to you all.

[BklynChick]

5. my advice would be for both of you to share your concerns, pro and con about it with your daughter a

and then let her make the final decision.