Thought all of you DU moms would get a chuckle out of this email

[lizzieforkerry]

Dear Santa:

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two
children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor,
sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade
tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine
patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples and a glue
gun.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases,
since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the
back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows
when I'll find any more free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids
(in any colour, except purple, which I already have) and arms that
don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming
toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh
month of my last pregnancy. If you're hauling big ticket items this
year I'd like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio
that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any
programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret
compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says,
"Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-
trained toddler, two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans
that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, "Don't eat in
the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my
voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can
only be heard by the dog.

And please don't forget the Play-Doh Travel Pack, the hottest stocking
stuffer this year for mothers of pre-schoolers. It comes in three
fluorescent colours and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet making
the in-laws' house seem just like mine.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the
luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being
served in a styrofoam container.

If you don't mind I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare
ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the
house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an
organized crime family; or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking
downstairs to eat contraband ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet
under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a
safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and
come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help
yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many or leave
crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM.

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep
my children young enough to believe in you

[amandae]

1. That's great!!

I sent that to some other moms I know :) Thanks for the laugh!!

:hi:

[rbnyc]

4. Hey There!

Congrats on being a mod. I'm so proud of you.

:loveya:

[amandae]

9. Thank you!!!

I still can't thank you enough for showing me to DU :). I was just thinking about how great it is to have a Parenting Group now so that we can post questions/comments here and not have to visit boards like the one that you know what I'm talking about :P!

:loveya:

[wildeyed]

2. funny.

I really would like the secret refrigerator compartment for talking on the phone. Would improve my life immensely.

[lizzieforkerry]

3. That's the part that made me LOL too!

[LibertyLover]

5. Letter to Santa

That was too funny - and please Santa - give me the arms to carry a screaming toddler away from the candy aisle too!

[Pithlet]

6. Loved it!

I'd add to the list: A secret bathroom hidden from all the children in the house. I can't remember the last time I went to the bathroom without the kids either in there with me, or "Mommy! Are you going potty? The stand up kind, or sit down kind? Can I flush the potty when you're done?" from just outside the door.

[blondeatlast]

8. Yes, indeed!

And let's not mention that mommy's bathroom time is "get the fragments of my mind in coherent order" time too!

[blondeatlast]

7. That last line has me sobbing, my son is 7 and still believes,

but I know it won't last.

I'm going to print that out for all the moms I know, including my own!

Thanks.