Anyone go back and forth on wanting more kids?

[amandae]

I have three already, ages 7, almost 5 and 2. I've always thought that I wanted four kiddos but lately I go back and forth on it.

Pro side: Another child to enjoy; another sibling for my children to enjoy (and they all really do get along pretty well) and look to when they get older, as we're raising our kids to be respectful and close to one another. Another pro, I love new babies and all the stages they go through as they grow older. I'm thoroughly enjoying my children in all the ages they pass through! Another pro is that by the time we have another my oldest kids will be able to help out in a way that we've never had before.

Con side: Another child is another child and my time will need to be divided to accommodate that, at the expense of the other children. Now that my oldest daughter is in elementary school the time committment has increased (with homework, school events, PTA, outside activities, etc.), and I can easily see how it will increase until she is off to college (or later!)! Times that by the number of kids I have .... lol. Then there is the money factor. Another child means less money for the ones that I have now to do the things they like to do. And then my personal goals ... I'm in school still, almost done with an M.A. in Political Science and I have plans to continue school (hopefully) Fall 2006. That would have to be on hold for a while with a new baby. Maybe.


Anyone else struggling with this decision? Most days I don't want another one anymore. I am so grateful for my children and I want to give them the most I can (not only monetarily but time wise, too). But every once in a while I feel a twinge. Luckily it's not when I see other pregnant friends or anything. I have a few friends/relatives who are pregnant right now and I enjoy the playing with them part but giving them back to mommy or daddy when they cry! LOL! I think I'll make a wonderful nonna :P.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

1. I have.

I only have one (a son who is also 2) right now. I was thinking about having another child, but now I think I don't want one, at least for right now.

The time and money factors are the biggest reasons why I think I don't want another one. I need to have time to pursue my own interests. I worry that having another will consume so much more of my time that I will have nothing left for myself. Also, the money is an issue since we're not doing so great financially right now.

[Pithlet]

2. I know how you feel.

I don't really struggle with it, because health considerations, and the fact that my husband is dead set against another one, prevents me from considering it. But, even if I had the green light, I'd be weighing the pros and cons much the way you have. Going from one to two was very hard. My second one was colicy for the first three months. I stay at home, so another one would mean even more time before going back to work. But, I know that twinge, well :)

[abelenkpe]

3. have a fourth

Your kids have the same age difference of my brother sister and myself. We always wanted another sibling to even things out when playing. However I do understand your considerations. Enjoy!

[mrgorth]

4. Quit while you're ahead.

I have 2. I can't even imagine another 1.

[Chalco]

5. I have one and I can't imagine another one and neither can she!

We're all happy just the way it is, thank you very much. My only has never wanted a sibling. And, I'm just too old. She's 12 and I'm 56, I think!

[trotsky]

6. We have two.

And considering how difficult they are, I'm positive that a third would kill me.

Maybe - MAYBE - when they get a lot older, we could adopt a Chinese girl. I have always felt so sorry for those abandoned babies.

[phylny]

7. We were in a similar situation years ago.

We had two girls, and I never felt like our family was "complete" - not that we needed a boy, not at all, but I had this desire to have a third child. It wasn't really a feeling of wanting another "baby," but more like we just weren't quite finished. We went back and forth and decided to go for it after my mother-in-law said, "You'll never regret having a third."

We did - 13 years ago - and she's an absolute delight. I often say she's the best decision we've ever made.

Good luck :)

[melv]

8. Overpopulation

Is a serious problem and growing (pun intended). Before you decide, educate yourself about this issue. We've got two and are stopping there.

[phylny]

9. Perhaps....

Since I have three cousins who are/were gay men - two died of AIDS and had no offspring, and the third will not be having babies - and I have two cousins who each had one biological child, and one adopted child - I figure our extended family balances out just fine.

Again, we have three and it's absolutely wonderful. Wouldn't change a thing.

[LeftyMom]

10. I'm conflicted too

Pro- Someone for leftykid to play with, I'd like to be pregnant again, I have most of the baby things I need so money shouldn't be a problem for the first year or two. I can do my job pregnant or with a baby in tow. Tax benefits would mostly negate expesnses for the first few years, at least.

Con- We might need a bigger car, pregnancy would take a lot of energy and LeftyKid is rather demanding. Might have another high-need child like LeftyKid. Future finances are uncertain as always. I'd have to put off going back to school for a few years or take it very slowly.

I have no idea. :shrug: I'm new to this whole planned pregnancy thing, how the heck does one say, you know, I think *now* would be a good time to turn my life upside-down?

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

11. LOL...

I feel the same way about it. My son wasn't planned. He was more of a pleasant surprise.

[detroitguy]

12. Gawd yes!

My wife and I adopteda wonderful baby boy about 2 1/2 years back. He is three now and we're trying to decide whether to adopt again. But we're also both in our early 40s. And at our age, I am very conflicted. It could take us two years to get another adoption -- assuming anyone would work with us now. It's a real struggle. If we were younger, it might be easier. But also, there are the money issues, the time-for-them issues, etc.