Some Advice For People Owned By Pets

[Irishonly]

I received this in my email and thought other pet lovers would enjoy.

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. ; ;Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4.. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

[BrklynLiberal]

1. Forwarded to all my pet-owned friends...and printing it out as well.

Thanks for the laughs.

[yellerpup]

2. Thanks!

I'll smile all afternoon over this.

[Grateful for Hope]

3. Hilarious!

"I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm."

So true!


:rofl:

[Zoigal]

4. Thanks. I support your post 100%;

Am forwarding it to all my non pet loving friends as a reminder of
where i stand. :hug: z

[badgerpup]

5. This is posted in my vet's office...

...but at eye-level for the humans to be able to see it.

What IS it about the bathroom and furkids?
:wtf: :shrug:

[kimmylavin]

6. No idea.

Every single time I come out of the bathroom, there are at least three of my six "furkids" out there waiting for me (and usually one managed to sneak in while I was occupied with the others!) :)

[Joe Chi Minh]

7. Our cat is a real holy Joe. It's not enough for him to follow me into the other room, where I go to

read from the book of psalms, but he has to sing them!

The thing is, I'm not high church, and I'm wondering if he's trying get me to join and I'm not keen on it. I've always been for Vatican II, but he seems to be a "bells and smells" man. What's he going to bring next. Incense?

[CountAllVotes]

8. pistachio nuts - can't eat them w/o the cat showing up at once

she's got a thing for the husks on them and eats them. The second I go to get some she is right there on the table and follows me wherever I go with them.

Add: Controls all pistachio nuts in home to this list! :rofl: