I need a little help.

[Robb]

I'd like some advice from folks who've been there on the topic of euthanasia.

My wife brought into our marriage a fantastic dog who has gotten on in years, most noticeably in the last six months. She's having typical old-dog times, trouble getting around, confused, slow, incontinent (I think she just doesn't know she's not outside) etc. She still has the respect of the rest of the "pack" here, so she's not getting picked on or anything. But she is getting old.

I don't think the day is here, but I see it coming. How on earth does anyone decide when it's time? How do you even talk about it without sounding ghoulish?

[ginnyinWI]

1. for us it was the dog being in pain with cancer,

so it wasn't a hard choice. She went downhill pretty fast too.

When our cat reached that stage he wasn't in pain--just creaky, losing weight, not too alert, and pooping outside the box. He lingered on for several months and finally died peaceably. I have no regrets letting him go that way. He wasn't suffering, he just got weaker and weaker.

It's a hard thing to determine, but my benchmark would be are they enjoying life or is it more pain than it is worth. Our old cat was still eating, sleeping and peeing in the litter box up to the last day. Kind of out of it, like an old, old man.

[huskerlaw]

2. I went through this with one of my cats...

The answer is clearly very personal, but I decided that it was time when his suffering outweighed his happiness. He had FiV, so he wasn't going to get better. For a long time, he was sick, but he was still purring, interacting, watching the birds outside, etc. Then he got progressively worse until one day he wasn't purring anymore. He was no longer happy, he was in pain...and at that point, I knew it was my responsibility to end the pain for him.

In my opinion, ending the pain is the last act of love you can give your pet. As for when that should be, exactly, I can't really tell you. For me, one day it was just obvious.

[lukasahero]

3. I'm sorry you're going through this, it's really, really hard

I went through it last year with my beloved old Lab, Beau.

If I'm reading you correctly, this is "your wife's dog" and your's by marriage? Let me know if that's the case because the dymanics in that situation change things and I'd be happy to share some do's and don'ts my husband learned the hard way. ;)

That said, it is important to talk about beforehand so you both understand what your expectations are, who will make the final decision, how far you want to go to extend life, what determines the quality of life, etc. This essay by Anna Quindlen helped me make some decisions about what I would look for to know it was 'time'. http://www.newsweek.com/id/32467 Maybe it can provide an opening for discussion...

As I watched my boy age, I realized that in a dog's short life we go through all the phases of our human relationships with them: puppy = baby/child = dependent on us for all things; adult = friend/partner = often protector, certainly chosen companion; senior = parent = again dependent on us as we watch age claim their vitality and their old bones weaken.

It's incredibly painful to lose an old friend but you have the opportunity in a dog to let them go gracefully and without pain. Take comfort in that.

[Robb]

4. Thanks for the link

And yes, she's mine by marriage. :)

I lost a great dog a few years ago, but it was through sickness (swelling heart sac) and it was quick. I was still a wreck. Mrs. Robb hasn't had this happen in her life yet, and frankly I'm at a loss how to help.

[lukasahero]

6. It sounds like you and Mrs. Robb are where me and Mr. Lukasahero were last year

I feel for you both. My boy, Beau, was my first 'adult' dog (I was a fully functioning adult when I got him). I had grown up with dogs but they were never really my responsibility until Beau. That first dog teaches us a lot and the loss, and anticipation of the loss, is tremendous. My husband, heck my whole family, knew losing Beau was going to devastate me but when he turned 12 and then 13 (he was huge and those ages were seriously senior), it became obvious to Mr. Lukasahero that the day was going to come sooner rather than later.

I adore my husband and he really tried, I know, but in his attempts to have the conversation, I felt he didn't trust me to do what was right for "my" dog when it came down to it. One thing I would suggest is just letting your wife talk about what it feels like to face and fear losing her dog. Ask her about her, let her start talking about the memories (before it comes time to make the decision). She will need you in this and knowing you will listen (without getting bored) will help her to talk.

Find out what she's thinking, what she's 'waiting' for, what signs she's looking for. Find out how she feels about who makes the final decision. Obviously, that's between the two of you, but it should probably be her decision to ultimately make. Trust her to make it.

Finally, think about doing the one thing I had planned to do with my Beau that I never got the chance to do. I had taken a week's vacation at the end of which I had decided to have him put to sleep but ended up having to make that decision on the first day of the vacation.

I had planned to spend that week with Beau doing all sorts of fun little things - take him out for ice cream, go to the park, visit the relatives, go for car rides, drive through Dunkin Donuts (the crew always gave him a crueller!) That's the one thing I really regret not having a chance to do with him and it doesn't have to wait until the last week. Plan a weekend for the dog. Your wife will probably fall in love with you all over again for thinking of it and it will give her time to 'make amends' with her beloved dog.

Sorry to have rambled and thanks for the opportunity to talk about a still-tender subject. :hug: to you and Mrs. Robb. Mr. Lukasahero and I came through this closer than ever because he was there for me in 'my darkest hour'. The most important thing you can do for your wife is let her cry and hold her if she's ready for that. Best regards, LaH

[MiniMe]

5. To me, it is a quality of life issue

Dogs can get senile also. It is a very difficult decision, and as somebody else said, very personal.

[roody]

7. I had lost 3 dogs in three years due to diseases of aging.

I think you will know when they would rather not suffer more.

[hamsterjill]

8. Although most of the up-posts cover just about all of my thinking

I wanted to express to you that I can tell from your post that it is so obvious that your dog is loved. It's an awesome event when you "inherit" a dog via marriage and fall in love with it. You must be a very kind and loving soul.

Thank you for caring about this dog and others.

I'm involved in rescue and I have had to face euthanasia decisions many times. I can only say that each is different, each individual. I have the assistance of some great veterinarians who have helped guide me at times to know that it was time to let go. I fully believe that if you know the animal, you should trust your own instincts, too, as to being the "voice" for what the animal might want for himself/herself.

And no, it never gets any easier to see one leave this world. All we can ever hope to do is to lessen any suffering.

Peace and comfort to you and your furries!

[Bertha Venation]

9. Robb, this is so hard. I feel for you.

We had similar problems with Richard. Doc couldn't diagnose anything, but it seemed that he was wasting away. He was peeing all over the place, and he was clearly very uncomfortable in the way he walked and sat.

We waited, heartbroken, until we realized his quality of life was nil. That's when we decided.

I believe it's a question of quality of life.

Best wishes to you in making your decision.

[spooky3]

10. I agree with the well put opinions expressed here and would add this:

The actual act of euthanasia can be emotionally wrenching, but it is quick and peaceful (in most cases, if done properly). The vet can give your pet a sedative or pain killer before administering the final shot. Some people can't bear to watch the process; I couldn't in an earlier transition. But in my latest experience, I wanted my youngish but fatally ill kitty to know I loved him and would be there till the end. I held him on my lap and watched his pain go away as he really did seem to slide into "sleep".

While nothing can lessen the extraordinary sadness you feel when you lose a beloved pet (and during your grieving time afterward), please know that for aged or suffering pets, when you decide it is the right time, then it is, and your pet makes a very gentle transition into a better place.

I am so sorry you have to face this but your DU friends are with you.

[roguevalley]

11. for me, it was when the decisions I was making were leading more

to keeping me happy and balanced and not the pup. My Andrew has an eye wound. If it is not very well healed by Friday, he will have to go to sleep forever. He is too old at 15 to have his eye removed. I could do it but it would be for me, not him. He won't suffer to make me happy. I love him too much. Good luck. I am with you.

[lavenderdiva]

12. may I just add something about the incontinence?

My dear Sadie, who I had to have euthanized many years ago, after she started having severe seizures, started experiencing incontinence when she was about 10 years old or so. Her vet prescribed estrogen, just like older women have. He told us that it is a symptom of low estrogen. Sure enough, after taking it, and keeping her on it, the incontinence went away. Its something you might want to check out with your vet.

[emilyg]

13. I've been through this with dogs and cats

Indication of pain is one clue. When my old cat stopped eating, moving - I knew it was time.

[glinda]

14. When the pet has a poor or no quality of life

To me that means that they are too sick to get up at all or just lie there. If he has a bit of dementia and if you can take him out more frequently, he in my opinion is still hanging in there. We may all get there. Our real old dog was peeing last year in our home. This year, she has improved and is on "Long Life" , a little expensive fish oil, we have fed her less to help her loose weight. She still gets rather senile and such but as long as she can walk.... we engage her more to attempt to keep her attentive. It is a tough decision. Maybe a trip to the Vet and some supplements might help some and you will know in your heart, you have given him every bit of the fullest life possible. I guess I am trying to keep positive in my advice because it is a difficult subject.

[Tab]

15. I agree, when it appears QOL is gone

I've only put down a few dogs (and I've owned scores - we used to breed, and rescue). Aside from the ones we did for extreme aggression issues, only one - ironically the one we had when I was growing up - we did because his quality of life was going. He was going blind, had arthritis, and cried in pain sometimes just laying there. It finally just seemed the most humane thing to do - you'll know when the moment comes.

We also had a very old golden retriever. We did not put her down. But one day she stopped eating. Soon she started crawling off into the woods and laying there until I would get her. She really couldn't move on her own. She was becoming incontinent. I just had a feeling, to use an old term, but it seemed appropriate, that she was "fixin' to die".

One day I made her go out (practically had to carry her out) because I knew she had to (it was morning). I cleaned her off (diarrhea), walked/supported her back inside - she lay down in front of the warm woodstove, and died shortly thereafter.

If I die, I want to die in front of a woodstove, toasty warm, with a clean butt too.

But if I'm in such pain that I cry (and dogs don't normally cry, so this is an indicator of severity), and it's clear I'm not going to get significantly better, then sometimes it's best to say goodbye.

It's such a personal decision; I can't direct you beyond that. It's your bond with your dog. It's when you think she'll be happier with release than trying to make it through the day.

It's funny, but there just comes a day when you know it's right, and you're doing a kindness. Only you will know that, because only you know your dog.

I apologize in advance if a decision has been made - I wasn't able to read the whole thread. As long as you treat your dog with love in all your decisions, even the difficult ones, you will have done well.

- Tab

[Lorien]

16. I know that it might seem silly to say this, but they let you know

I've had to have several pets put down. They had been getting by for weeks or months or even years, and then one day you wake up and you know that they are really suffering and want to be set free from it. They just look you in the eye and you know.