Boen my beautiful baby boy February 8, 1998 - May 26, 2010

[BrklynLiberal]

My wonderful boy Boen has crossed the bridge.




I had to let my baby boy go today. He collapsed this morning and I rushed with him to the
Animal Medical Center. They found that he had heavy internal bleeding into his abdomen.
All the options were bad...cancer, hemangiosarcoma, tumor on an organ, etc.
The only way to find out for sure would be surgery, which was fraught with numerous risks.

Then they did a chest x-ray.....His lungs were filled with Cancer. Whatever he did have, had metastasized,
and the prognosis turned very bad. His breathing was labored. I wanted to take him home...he wanted to go home.
But I could not take him home.........

There were several wonderful veterinarians and a bereavement counselor on hand to talk to me.
I also spoke to Boen's breeder and a friend who has his sister. The best advice was all the same...
do not prolong his agony.

I finally acceded...At 2PM EDT, Boen left me.

To say that I am heartbroken does not even begin to describe my feelings. Boen was 100% a sweetheart.
He was my friend, my protector, my winter night warmer, my extra vegetable taker, my "get her out of the house even on the worst days",
He kept me sane and comforted me thru some very hard moments.

He never once in his entire life even showed me his teeth in anger. I could do just about anything to him, and he let me.

I cannot begin to explain to those who do not understand the depth and scope of his devotion and love for me. I hope that in some
small way, I was able to make him feel happy and loved, as much as he did me.

I never had even one bad moment with him. He was a VERY GOOD DOG.

I cannot believe that I will never again have him lay on the floor next to me..to pet his warm face, to see his loving brown eyes...to follow in my every footstep, even trip over him. I said I should have named him Shadow, since that is what he was to me...

[Coyote_Bandit]

1. .

:hug:

What a beautiful boy. You were blessed to have each other.

[BrklynLiberal]

2. Thank you so much. I know I was blessed....

[glinda]

3. I just want to cry. Your email was so deep and heartfelt and your sorrow

so evident. I am really really sorry. It is just so darn hard to loose a friend like that.
Again...I am really sorry. What a beautiful beautiful dog.

[BrklynLiberal]

7. Thank you Glinda. There is comfort in knowing that there are others who understand

the depth that the grief can reach.

I cannot believe that he will not be waking me up tomorrow morning with his big fat paw on my head..as he has for the past 11+ years...

[Stinky The Clown]

4. A big, beautiful, loving GSD. I wish you peace. I am certain Boen already has it.

You made me cry. I really do understand.

:hug:

[BrklynLiberal]

8. Thank you. Understanding is comforting.

:hug:

[MadMaddie]

5. I am shedding a tear for you and your loss of Boen

Some of our most difficult tasks are not easy but in the end we know it's the right thing to do.

May he RIP!

MadMaddie

[BrklynLiberal]

9. I am still struggling with it..but I do so want to believe that I did the right thing...

and I did not let him down at the end. I wanted to be able to do more..but everyone said there was no more to be done....:cry:

[virgdem]

6. RIP Boen...

Those of us who frequent this board know exactly how you are feeling because we have all been there. I am very sorry for your loss of your beloved companion. You did the right thing to end his suffering and he is now in peace at the Rainbow Bridge. Peace to you at this time.

[BrklynLiberal]

10. Thank you Virgdem...for your understanding, and your kind words.

I hoe that I will truly believe ...very soon...that I did what was best for him. He trusted me, and I still feel like I let him down.:cry:

[Lorien]

11. I am so very sorry for your loss and am barely holding back the tears as I type this

I know exactly how you are feeling. My beloved kitty Peewee was a "soulmate" of sorts. I raised him from a two day old runt of a kitten who was rejected by his mother. He was my first cat after having spent 23 years as a confirmed "dog person". We were inseparable. All I had to do was call "Wee!" and he would fly into the room from where ever he was, leap into my arms, wrap his paws around my neck and press his face against my cheek. At age 13 he developed heart disease, kidney failure, and hypothyroid....I only found out because he had a violent seizure. By then it was too late-treating one made the other conditions worse. I tried-he was in and out of vet's offices for months, and he hated every second of it. He was terrified of other people, hated leaving home...but I kept putting him through it because I wouldn't accept the reality of the situation. I just couldn't imagine my life without him-so I kept on. I remember two days before he passed I was just about to put him in his carrier for yet another chest tap. He looked in my eyes and I knew exactly what he was thinking: "let me go". But I just couldn't. He stayed overnight at the vet's. In the morning I came to pick him up. The nurse went back to get him. I heard her say "Peewee, your mom is here!" and then nothing. Endless minutes later and the vet came out. He said that Peewee stood up when the nurse had called to him, then collapsed and died. They tried to bring him back, but he was gone. I put him through so much because I couldn't accept that he wasn't going to make it, that he was too far gone... and years later it's such a terrible regret. I could have saved him so much pain and trauma, I could have been there by his side, had I only listened to him and overcome my denial. You did the right thing Jo. Absolutely. I know exactly how you are feeling at this moment, but you did what was truly selfless, brave and loving.

((((HUGS)))) to you. I know it will be difficult for a good while yet to come. He was so very fortunate to have had you as his own.

"Grief is the purest evidence that we have loved and loved well" -Anon

[spooky3]

56. Lorien, thank you for sharing that very sad story. I am so sorry you went through that.

I know you aimed your post at BrklynLiberal, but as another DUer who had to euthanize my "2nd pea in the pod" to your beautiful Maine Coon, and who has been over and over whether I did the right thing at the right time, and have missed him terribly, I benefited from your experience too. And I currently have a foster kitty with conditions similar to sweet Peewee's. I will bear your insights in mind as we travel down this difficult path.

[japple]

12. Awwww, BL, so sorry about your boy. I've enjoyed your posts

about him (esp. the pictures) ever since I came to DU. He had a great life with you and loved you very much. You did the right thing. May you find comfort and peace in your memories. He was truly a noble dog.

[BrklynLiberal]

14. Thank you so much for the kind and comforting words.

He really was a noble dog...NEVER in 11+ years was he a bad dog...always sweet, gentle and protective.

I never had even one minute of displeasure with him...

I cannot believe he is gone. I am struggling with the belief that I did do the right thing.

It is one thing to know it rationally, and quite another to accept it emotionally.

My heart is aching, and I want him to be here...

I keep hearing his footsteps, and his breathing...looking round for him...
I just feel his presence, but cannot find him. Perhaps these illusions are part of the grieving.

[yellerpup]

13. You were right not to prolong his suffering.

Take comfort that you did the right thing. He would not want you to suffer, either. You'll always miss him until you cross the bridge yourself and see that wagging tail again. Peace.

[BrklynLiberal]

15. Thanks Yellerpup.

My friends and family are telling me the same thing..but the pain refuses to subside.

I am hoping that time and tears will really help, as I have always told others who have suffered loss.

[yellerpup]

18. Grief has its own timetable.

You lost your best friend, your beloved furry baby and it just hurts. Treat yourself very well and know that you gave him a happy life and love. I feel for you. :hug:

[ceile]

16. So sorry for your loss.

He sounds like the perfect dog....
:hug:

[BrklynLiberal]

19. Thank you Ceile.

To me,he WAS the perfect dog.....everything I could have asked for and more.

[proudohioan]

17. I'm so sorry for your loss....

and what a beautiful boy he was; thank you for sharing the pix.

It would be so nice if someone could set up a mobile euthanasia unit, so our beloved pets could be at home when the time comes. If there is already such a thing, I've never heard of it.


Peace,

T.

[BrklynLiberal]

20. Thanks for your kind words proudohioan.

I do know that there are some vets who will come to your house and take care of your pet at home for this final moment.

I was afraid that if I took him home, I would change my mind...and then the end would be one of pain and suffering, for both of us, instead of just for me, as it was at the hospital. I was desperate to do what was best for Boen....

If it had at all been possible, I would have taken him home ...but I did hold him, and tell him how much I loved him and what a wonderful,wonderful protector and hero he had always been for me.

I miss him desperately. I keep feeling his presence nearby, and then realizing that he is not there.

[proudohioan]

21. Just remember that you DID do the right thing...

I had to do that with a 20 year old cat, myself. It was not easy. But it was the right thing to do.

But missing him desperately is SO hard. We recently adopted some cats from the local shelter. We only intended on getting one, but there was a 10 year old brown mackerel tabby that tugged at my heart, so we got him as well.

He is the sweetest thing; he looks just like the "Sleepy Time Tea" cat. He loves "watching" old movies with me, and I keep thinking that I will be devastated when "his time comes". But I guess I will deal with it then.

Bless your heart, and may peace be with you! You sound like a wonderful, caring person.

:hug:

[BrklynLiberal]

22. Thanks proudohioan.

When I can firmly convince myself that I DID do the right thing, I will feel alot better.


It is so hard to let go of the woulda, shoulda, coulda obsessions.

I WILL be rescuing another dog...soon, I hope. I am leaning toward an older German Shepherd...
I was told by a friend that Boen would want me to "replenish the pack" :D

I cannot express how much your support and kind words mean to me.

[proudohioan]

23. I know, convincing oneself is always the hardest thing....

but I hope it helps to know that others, including Boen, know that you did the right thing.

When my mother was in her final days of losing her battle with cancer (back in 1985), she was begging the doctor to end her misery. It was so tragic to me that it wasn't an option, and she continued suffering in agony for 2 more days. That experience changed my mind about euthanasia, whether it be human or animal. I would not like to suffer like that. We can be 'humane' to our pets, why not to our fellow man?

:cry:

[cheri010353]

24. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Nothing anyone can say will take away the hurt, but you shouldn't feel like you didn't do the right thing. Letting a loved pet go is the ultimate kindness and proof of love. I've posted it before, but this poem really helped me when I had to let my kitty Muffin go, so I'll post it again...


May I Go?

Do you think the time is right?
May I say goodbye to pain filled days and endless lonely nights?
I've lived my life and done my best, an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond, and set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at first, I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now to a warm and living light.
I want to go, I really do; it's difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me and share your love and fears.
I know you're sad and afraid, because I see your tears.
I'll not be far, I promise that, and hope you'll always know,
That my spirit will be close to you wherever you may go.
Thank you so for loving me. You know I love you too,
And that's why it's hard to say goodbye and end this life with you.
So hold me now just one more time and let me hear you say,
Because you care so much for me, you'll let me go today.

by Susan A. Jackson

[proudohioan]

27. Oh thank you....

and that poem has me bawling my eyes out, it's so beautiful.

Thank you for sharing!

T :cry: :hug:

[BrklynLiberal]

28. Thank you so much for that poem.

and your kind words....

I am waiting for the heartbreak to fade to a dull ache...
I hope that i can come to terms with my decision...and know i did the right thing.

[spooky3]

44. BrklynLiberal, I am so sorry.

You definitely did the right thing, as bitterly painful as it seems right now. I hope that Jackson's poem comforts you in days to come. Your dog sounds like the most wonderful companion and family member. I hope your many memories of good times will remain clear forever.

:hug:

[BrklynLiberal]

46. Thank you spooky3.

I know that eventually the memories will be comforting...
Right now they make me so very sad...

I would not trade the years we shared for anything....
I wish I could forget the pain I am feeling now..
but I guess you cannot have one without the other..

SEPARATE LIFETIMES

We who choose to surround ourselves
with lives even more temporary than our
own, live within a fragile circle;
easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we would still live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only
certain immortality, never fully
understanding the neccesary plan....

--- Irving Townsend ---
"The Once Again Prince"

[Lorien]

32. I've used mobile vets to put down a couple of my fosters and my boy Atticus Pye

You have to schedule it several days ahead of time, and that would have probably been too long. I always remember my dad and stepmom whose beloved cat had kidney disease. They just couldn't bring themselves to put him down when the vet said that they should have. A couple of mornings later they awoke to the sound of their kitty screaming in agony. It was a Saturday. They had to drive nearly an hour to another town to find a vet willing to do it, and the cat screamed the whole way there. They weren't only devastated by their loss, but they had that terrible memory of him at the end, and they know that they could have prevented it. You did do the right thing. A morning like that would have been one that neither of you deserved.

[BrklynLiberal]

34. Thank you for your support and understanding.

That is the kind of scenario that Boen's breeder said she wanted to spare me when she told me to let him go...at the hospital.
She lost Boen's brother to hemangiosarcoma a few years back...and said it was horrible to wake up and find him ...I will not go into the details that she gave me..thru tears...
She was adamant that what I did was best for Boen..and spared me, and him, the type of horrific experience that you described.
She was trying to show me that bringing him home at that point was not the best thing..for either one of us.

It would have prolonged, and perhaps worsened, the suffering..for both of us.

Thank you again...

[emilyg]

25. Safe journey Boen.

[BrklynLiberal]

29. Thank you emilyg

:cry: :pals:

[livetohike]

26. I'm so sorry for your loss

:hug: What a beautiful boy. I hope all the good memories of times you had over the years will help to ease the sadness. I had a German Shepherd mix who had lung cancer. The specialist said it was probably genetic from the German Shepherd in him. :cry: with you for your loss and your beautiful tribute to Boen. RIP little guy.

[BrklynLiberal]

30. Thank you livetohike..for your sweet words and understanding heart.

The vet said the hemangiosarcoma is also a German Shepherd genetic thing. I did not think of Beon as so old...but the vets thought 12 years was pretty old....and his age and his general condition due to the internal bleeding made surgery a very high risk..and this was even before they did the chest xray and saw the cancer in his lungs.

[livetohike]

43. Our Smokey didn't make it to his 8th birthday

:cry: and I still cry about him and he's been gone since 1987. It's so hard, but in time you will know you did everything right by Boen and the years you had together have created good memories :hug:.

[BrklynLiberal]

45. The love never ends......

:cry: :cry:

[Zoigal]

31. My sincere sympathy, BrklynLiberal

Having had a couple of GSDs i know somewhat how you feel. They are such loyal sweeties. Mine were
quite protective as well. Sounds like your Boen was the best....z

[BrklynLiberal]

33. Thank you Zoigal. He was the best....truly.

I am heartbroken and simply at a loss to get past the sadness for now...

[Jeanette in FL]

35. My sympathy to you, BrklynLiberal

I too know the deep sadness that you are feeling, but you did the right thing for your boy.

There is nothing like german shepherds. Your boy sounds exactly how my boy was to me.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of him.

In a few days or weeks, you will start to remember all the funny things that he did and how much happiness he brought you. Then the laughter will return at his antics.

I too, never had a bad day with my boy either.

Your boy will be with you forever, you will sense it.

I am so sorry and I wish you didn't have to go through this. I wish none of us would have to go through this.

Beautiful pictures of Boen.

[BrklynLiberal]

37. Thank you Jeanette.

Your understanding is greatly appreciated. It is so hard to put it all into words...

I miss him every minute..expect him to be there at the top of the stairs waiting for me..
waited yesterday at 5Pm for him to nudge my knee for dinner...
It is a physical thing as well as an emotional one.

I still FEEL him here...and then have to snap back to the reality that he is not.

Thank you for taking the time to share your experience with me....

[hobbit709]

36. I'm so sorry to hear that.

I lost one at Christmas, she was 17 and on XMas she couldn't get up and walk anymore. It was a lousy end to a really lousy year.

It's never easy losing a good friend.

[BrklynLiberal]

38. Thanks for understanding hobbit709.

There is never a better time...or a better way. It is always heart shattering.

Was your pup a German Shepherd..that live to 17?

[hobbit709]

39. She was some kind Heinz 57 varieties

She looked like she had some golden and who knows what else in her.
Her official name was Sweetie Pie The Snuggle Puppy and she thought she was a 80 lb lap dog.

[BrklynLiberal]

41. OMIGAWD! She was gorgeous!! What a sweetie pie..no wonder you called her by that name.

[hobbit709]

47. Yep, she certainly was.

I'm now down to four dogs, at one time we had eight. Once we rescued them, they never left.
Three out of the four are getting old, so I'm dreading the future.
But they've all been great dogs.
This one, Bebop, was Donna's favorite. She passed away quietly in her sleep at 15.

[BrklynLiberal]

49. That is one magnificent pup!! You and she were blessed by her passing that way.

Was Behop a merle Collie? She was sooooo pretty..and what a sweet face. There is something about how she is looking at the camera that really captures your heart. What an expressive face.

[hobbit709]

52. Yes. A blue merle

She was definitely a herder. She would herd puppies and kids every time she got near any. She actually got her herding certificate even though she had no training at all-it was all instinct.

[roody]

40. I am so sorry---what a wonderful life he had.

[BrklynLiberal]

42. Thank you roody. He sure made my life wonderful by being in it..

[roody]

54. This song comforts me when I lose a pet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UTuQeM6q0E

[a la izquierda]

48. I'm so, so sorry...

I lost my buddy, Knuckles, today. I'm just sick about it. He was a hard dog to love at first, but I will love him ever day of the rest of my life.

I miss him so much, and he's only been gone a few hours.
I'm really sorry for what you're going through-I know *exactly* how you must be feeling at the moment.:hug:

[BrklynLiberal]

50. oh dear a la izquierda.....I am so sorry to know that you are suffering like I am

I know the heartache.

Tears and time...the only things that both of us can count on to eventually ease the pain...from unbearable to bearable.
If you care to share any of the details about your relationship with Knuckles I would be happy to know.

How old was he? Had he been sick? Did you rescue him? Do you have a picture of him?

:cry: :cry: :hug:

EDIT: Just saw your post about Knuckles..

[a la izquierda]

51. He had canine cognitive disorder

(aka Doggy Dementia), with severe muscular degeneration in his legs and he was totally blind. He lived in a very dark, confusing world. Basically, he had no idea what was going on, and couldn't walk anymore. It was time (long overdue, but I was selfish and couldn't let go). He hadn't been the same dog for about a year.

I found him on the streets of Pasadena, CA, in 2002. I think he was about 5 at the time, so he'd have been about 13. He was an abused dog, so we had to work very hard so that he could overcome his insecurities. He destroyed tons of my stuff when I first got him, because he couldn't bear to have me out of the house. When I showered, he sat on the bathmat and waited for me. That kind of separation anxiety. He got over it, eventually.
He was the love of my life (well, I guess besides my husband and his brother dog, who died in 2006). I love my two current dogs, but I have a very different relationship with them. I doubt that I will ever have another dog as mellow, sweet, protective and good. I am just distraught.

[BrklynLiberal]

53. I am so sorry his final year was so difficult..for both of you.

It sounds like you changed his life for him. and his gratitude showed thru his inability to have you out of his side.

Guess he felt that his good luck would leave whenever you were not with him.

You saved his life, and he enhanced yours. What a wonderful relationship.
I do know that when you have a special needs dog, the relationship gets very deep and profound.


I know exactly the pain you feel, having just lost Boen....
There is no way to make it painless....and no way to even shorten the time we mourn.

My life will never be the same...and I know you understand.

I am so very sorry for your loss....my heart aches too.

[spooky3]

57. a la izquierda, my condolences are with you. I hope you will read the

poems in this thread and feel comforted by them.

[jtuck004]

55. After many years and dogs, we found their life

is far too short a reward for what they bring.

But we have also found that the memory of those years will always be with you.

We will have some good thoughts for you both.

[BrklynLiberal]

58. Thank you jtuck004

They do bring so much to those of us that love them....and ask so little.

[Vinca]

59. I'm so sorry. What a handsome guy he was.

I think it's all the "never agains" that are the hardest to deal with. :hug:

[BrklynLiberal]

60. Thank you Vinca...

and you are right...each day there is another "never again" that I cry through...

[Duppers]

61. ...

:hug:

I know he'll never be forgotten.



I cry every time I read a post with a pic of a lost pet, especially if it's a big dog. They're THE best in my book.

I lost my girl almost 4 yrs ago. The pain has gotten some better, though I stare at her pic every single day. Sigh.

Take care.

[BrklynLiberal]

63. Thank you Duppers....

I still cry every day...

[AndyA]

62. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I know how you feel. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because I have been exactly where you were when you wrote those words.

Boen took all the love you gave him over the years with him. And he left behind all the love he gave you. Neither of you are truly ever alone. The love lives on forever.

[BrklynLiberal]

64. Thank you for those kind words Andy.

I will try to hold onto the belief that he is still with me...