OMG! WTF? LOL! BBQ :)

[Heddi]

Don't call it a comeback, i've been here for years....

ahem.

So last week I had a patient that came in the ER. Complaint on the computer was "WORMS IN EYES".

omg!
wtf?
lol??
no BBQ!

So within a short amount of time into the initial interview with the patient, it became quite clear to both myself and the Nurse Practitioner that this guy had *far* more intense problems than wormy eyeballs ifyouknowwhatimean :ahem:

But his worm problems weren't just ANY OLD WORMS...that would be far too pedestrian.

They were..

..wait for it...

MORGELLONS DISEASE WORMS!

OMG!
He said MORGELLONS DISEASE

I was biting the insides of my cheeks so hard to stop laughing that I made them bleed. I had to WALK OUT OF THE ROOM because my poker face wasn't so poker. I came back and was like "did you say MORGELLONS disease?" And he said YES! The threads! The worms eat the threads.

He then pulled out of his pocket a very old urine specimen cup filled to the RIM not with Brim(tm) (mmm) but with what appeared to be years and years and years of what we in the medical profession call "eye sleep". You know that crusty shit in the corner when you wake up? Eye snot? Sandman Sprinkles?

That.

He collected it.

and kept it in one of many containers.

And he had that as proof of the worms.

THAT was the worms, he said. THIS IS THE WORMS and he opened the bottle and tried to pour the EYE GOO CHUNKS onto the bed. Perhaps he stopped short when he saw me vomiting in my mouth a little bit, but at any rate, he did NOT spill eye drippings onto the bed, thank god.

needless to say, laughter and pitty, but more laughter than pitty, and a little empathy, was had by all.

The patient was very disapointed when no one, not the RN (me!) or the NP (her!) or the MD's (them!) would validate his personal diagnosis of MORGELLONS DISEASE and eradicate the eyeball worms that had infested his head.

He said "That's okay, you frauds don't know nothing" and left, making sure to take his bottles of eye crusties with him

BUT THE AMAZING THING...

I was the only person, out of 2 NP's, 1 PA, 2 MD's and several med students/residents, and other RN's on staff that had ever heard of MORGELLONS DISEASE prior to this patient's arrival.

I felt so smart for being such a fraud. :cry:

[Odin2005]

1. Wow, what a nutcase. Sounds like he's mentally ill.

[Warpy]

3. You think?

Seriously, if they have medical insurance they get psych consults. If they don't, they're SOL.

[Heddi]

4. Psych Consult?? ha ha ha

:wipes tears from eyes: Oh that's funny

I work for a community hospital, very large, lvl 1 trauma psych inpatient, and we've been on psych divert for the last month or more. The only way you're going to see a MHP is if you have SERIOUSLY attempted to kill yourself or others...these days, taking a handful of tylenol won't even get you into Psych...you'll be medically cleared and out the door for the most part.

Psych consult...oh that's funny. :rofl:

and 88% of our patients are uninsured, underinsured, homeless, working poor, etc. It has nothing to do with insurance vs. uninsured, it's just that we're a state hospital, budget is in the toilet, new president of the Univ. associated with the Hosp gets a huge salary meanwhile the outpatient community mental health clinics & urgent care and neighborhood clinics are closing up, not taking new patients, and so eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeveryone comes to the ER for care. Only so many beds, and the sickest gets em... :cry:


oh but yes, this gentleman had more issues than eye goo....sadly, he was neither a danger to himself or others, presented no harm to the community, and did not request to see a psychiatriast, so we could do nothing further than offering him a clean speci-cup for his goo harvest :rofl:

[Warpy]

9. Well, honestly, unless you didn't direct him to a woo store

for a homeopathic treatment for Morgellon's, you weren't doing your jobs.

Homeopathy was tailor made for head cases with made up diseases.

But you're right, even private hospitals require the symptom of attempted mayhem to pry a psych consult loose. Oh, and insurance.

[TZ]

2. Uh oh

I KNEW I shouldn't have told you about my experiments at work...;)

[Heddi]

5. whoops!

my bad!

I shouldn't tell them about the microchips in the flu vaccine, either, huh?

[semillama]

6. Thanks for the levity, Heddi!

I've missed your incredibly funny tales from the frontlines of meeting applied woo in action!

[TheWraith]

7. Sweet holy undead mother of fuck.

That is... wow.

[mr blur]

8. It's a comeback!

Sorry.