Does anyone else just get tired of the insensitivity?

[Wordie]

I actually had someone make a comment about how I wasn't working on Dem causes (not here at DU, someplace else). For pity sake, I can't work and make a living, as I did my entire life. How exactly am I supposed to spend all kinds of time volunteering? And it's not as if with my tiny SS check, I can ever be a major donor. Does this mean I should not be able to participate? Should I be content to be invisible?

What do other people do about comments like these?

[catmother]

1. i have had chronic fatigue syndrome

for 16 years. i tried volunteer work and i just couldn't do it. don't know what you have, but i'm asleep by about 10:30 p.m. and i don't get up till 9:30 a.m. sometimes later. i have a very small window to get anything done.

i've also been questioned several times when using my handicapped parking permit. i had to say "not all disabilities show" and one person i told to go screw.

my advice is don't pay attention to it. you know what you can do and not do.

[Wordie]

7. Thanks a lot, catmother. It helps to know other people experience this

sort of thing too. I appreciate it. :)

[Tace]

2. I Dismiss Them, And Don't Give Them A Second Thought

There's also the handy "ignore" switch on DU to mute obnoxious posters.

Dang, please just do what you want. That's the ticket!

[Lerkfish]

3. some people are supposed to be prohibited from public support of issues...

like officers of the court, journalists, poll workers, etc. Others have jobs that would be gone for visibly participating in progressive causes.
I think we should all participate, to the extent we are able, and be grateful for the participation of others, no matter what that entails.

IMHO

[BJW]

4. I wonder if you feel

that there may be some kernel of truth to the criticisms? Not a one-to-one exact match, but that there's something about these comments that hurts, because it's touching on some aspect of the truth?

Like maybe you're not fully comfortable with your actual level of participation here, and that's why this is hurtful to you, or bothering you, or something? Or maybe this person is hurtful in other ways?

I'm only mentioning this because when I've been confronted with critical, offensive or hurtful comments, and it's really bugging me and getting under my skin, when I step back and really pay attention to my response, and pay attention to why I feel the way I do, I've discovered that there's something, often a grain of truth, in what that person said, or that this person is somebody who is a dominating, draining or negative influence that I don't need in my life.

And I've also discovered that when I'm comfortable being who I am, and with the actions and decisions I make, then anybody can say anything they want to me, even if it's unfounded, because I know in my heart of hearts that it's just crap, and what this person thinks about me doesn't matter.

[Wordie]

6. Yep: here's part of what's bothering me: I can't work. BUT

the other thing that bothers me is that being disabled means I am poor. And as they say, "money talks" so it makes me feel as if what I say doesn't count for as much as what someone with money says. Hardly unreasonable to find that objectionable, I think you will agree. Its when these comments occur in places where you would think people would know better that it actually hurts. You kind of expect it from the unenlightened, but this wasn't a republican. hehe

[catmother]

8. fortunately i have a husband who supports me

but i remember when i used to go to a support group, there were so many people (mostly women) who could barely get by on the social security. in fact, most had to have a room mate because they couldn't even afford rent.

try not to let in bother you. just posting on the DU is a good thing. believe me you can do just as much good with words and deeds as you can with money.

if someone says something don't let it bother you -- you know in your heart that you're doing what you can and if that's not enough for people -- then screw them -- that's their problem.

not all democrats are enlightened. i'm pretty new here, but i've crossed paths with a few shit heads.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

5. I'm getting older now

I used to work and go to choir practice, PTO, etc. Not any more. I get home and that's that. I have no more energy to put in a full day in a classroom and volunteer anywhere, for anyone. Sad, but true. This forum is pretty much it for me, and I try to live my life by my ideals, and to explain them when asked.

There are people with the time, energy and resources to volunteer and I applaud them.

Maybe in my next life?

[Wordie]

9. Thanks everyone for responding...you helped a lot. :)

[pop goes the weasel]

10. Case in point, on the insensitivity

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=102&topic_id=1930797&mesg_id=1931341

Why, how dare those uppity cripples speak up for themselves!

[mrcheerful]

11. Which ones are you talking about?

Theres all kinds of stupid people out there that aren't just insensitive but down right hateful. SSI is welfare because you get a state check comes to mind. Or how about those that think they are doctors and can tell you that your not handicapped your just to lazy to work and your taking a free ride off the system. Usually followed up with I know a blind or a guy in a wheel chair that has a damn good job. Then you got the fundies out there trying to tell you that your handicap is punishment from god for something your parents done, before you were born and if you go to their church your disability will be cured. Gee maybe I should go and see if I'll get new toes to grow. Then you have the idiots that want all disabled people put in special homes or hospitals so they are taken care of and they don't have to see the disabled, you know out of sight out of mind. Then you have others that think it can never happen to them so why bother.

[DemBones DemBones]

12. What gets me is people constantly telling me

"You look so good!" This is often said by members of various groups I have belonged to for years, groups I have been rarely able to attend for several years now. I always wonder if they're implying that I'm not really sick, because my disabilities are not visible unless you notice the deformities of my hands

Sometimes I respond, "Yes, if I'm out in public I am having a good day when I was able to bathe, get dressed, fix my hair, and put on make up. Unfortunately, there are many days when I can barely move, much less shower or get dressed."

I'm not sure it gets through to them, though. Many people are just damn clueless and damn tactless.

[Megahurtz]

13. "Many people are just damn clueless and damn tactless"

And that's including the Doctors! They will only see you if you have money, and if you "look good" enough to work but you are disabled, they don't get it, and they don't care.:(

[ThomCat]

17. Absolutely.

But the oposite is true too.

Many doctors don't want to accept a patient with a visible disability because that might mean actual work. I've had initial visits be rudely abrupt and cursory because the doctors were clearly not interested in dealing with me.

[Liberalynn]

19. I have clinical depression and anxiety disorder(OCD)

and what angers me is how some people equate "mental illness" with lack of intelligence.

I have had people tell me "you are too smart to be mentally ill."

Uh hello, I have difficulty controlling my emotions and handling stress. When I get really nervous and scared I check things over and over and over, but it doesn't have anything to do with my intellectual IQ. I know my behavior isn't regular and I do try to control it with the help of medication, therapy, and reason, but so far I haven't been able to eliminate it. My intellect hasn't helped a damn bit in trying to chase it away. In fact I think it makes it all worse, especially the depression end of my illness.

Also I tried to go back to work with the "assistance" of a state agency and they set me up with one of their programs. The people in charge of that program had no idea what to do with me and they admitted it.

They told me they were used to dealing with people who had little or no education and limited skills. I had a college degree and had worked ten years in my profession before my lapse into severe disabling depression and anxiety.

They told me they had no suggestions as to what I could say when asked about the gaps in my work history. Why I left my job of ten years? Why was I trying to take a job I was over qualified for? All they could tell me is that I couldn't give potential employers the real reason, and admit I had depression and anxiety.

My therapist keeps saying face the fear, volunteer to get your confidence in yourself back, places are always begging for volunteer help, they'd love to have you! So I have applied for volunteer jobs, and guess what? They ask the same damn questions as employers do! I know they aren't supposed to discriminate against the mentally ill, but hey guess what, they do. No one has called me back and I am willing to work for free.

My SSD is undergoing the mandatory review and I don't know what I will do if they don't renew it.
Hell I don't know what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life. I don't know what I can do without feeling the overwhelming panic and the urge to run. I want to contribute to society, I just don't know how I am supposed to do that when I am fighting against the illness itself, and a society who despite the claim to "better understanding" still views mentall illness as a stigma and the people who have it as parriahs.

[jwirr]

14. I find myself in a similar circumstance - I lobby. Write letters,

email, and talk to people. It is one way I can use what I know best to further our causes. In my state they know me by name and that I do know first hand about disability issues.

[Traveling_Home]

15. The oddest and most painful for me

Has been in trying to rejoin the hippies Rainbow Family of Living Light and join in their Gatherings. All ya ever here is "What do disabled people want - sidewalks and ramps in the wilderness or do we have to move our drum circles and potlucks and chanting circles into a convention center?" and "Make the kitchens accessible - what ya gonna do if we don't want to????

Hard to take when even the hippies don't want ya.

Join ADAPT and/or AAPD instead!!!

T

[ThomCat]

18. It's also ironic when civil rights related causes and groups

spend a huge amount of time and energy resisting some really simple basic accessibility.

:wtf:

[ThomCat]

16. I used to be a work-horse

for volunteer causes. I can't anymore. I just can't.

It's been held against me occasionally that I'm not standing up for things I believe in. I've been told that unless I'm currently working my ass off I should keep my opinions and ideas to myself.

F#ck 'em. I put in over 5k hours of volunteer work over the years. The people who complain that I'm not doing enough haven't done that much yet.