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I want to thank everyone here, especially Bobbolink, ClericJohnPreston and balantz for your thoughts and your courage to stand against the current and speak out against the howling mob.
I am now convinced that it is no longer possible to work within the context of modern liberalism - the organizations, the party, and the community of activists - and tackle and overcome, or even adequately address and discuss the problems the country faces. But beyond the futility and frustrations, I think that it is hazardous to our physical, spiritual, and mental health to continue to do so. It requires moral compromise at every step, acceptance of the unacceptable, and there comes a time when each person needs to say "enough" and make a decision.
We are told to hope and believe that if we take all of our concerns and fears, all of our thoughts, all of our efforts, all of our time and resources into electing Democrats. or a particular Democrat, and if we frame everything within that context, reduce everything down to that one solution and see that as the only solution, that somehow something good will happen. We are told that if we question that, we are being childish, impatient, too radical, impractical, unrealistic and on and on. Now we are told that we are not even welcome or wanted.
Modern liberalism and the party as currently configured is the place where hopes and dreams go to die - a slow, painful and agonizing death. Just as the promise of the TV commercials - that by buying this or that brand your life will be miraculously improved - is false, so to the promise that a new brand of Democrat will miraculously improve anything is also false. The opposite is true - counterfeit hope and belief destroys genuine hope and belief. Nothing is more effective at destroying dreams and hopes than the false promises of dreams and hopes, and having that false promise forced on us is highly suppressive and fatal to any real hopes and dreams.
If it were true that the community of modern liberalism were serious about the plight of the poor and homeless, it would be different. But there is no consensus, there is no urgency, and there is no serious commitment.
If it were true that we were forming societies of mutual support and defense, so that each of us were not left alone to battle with the corporate behemoths that dominate our lives, and left vulnerable to the bullies and petty tyrants that are ascendant and that we encounter in every single phase of our personal lives, it would be different. But we are not, and among us are those who will lecture people about "personal responsibility" and "making the right choices." Being part of any group or organization that tolerates that thinking as legitimate opinion is a moral compromise that I am not willing to make any longer. If that is an accepted part of modern liberalism, then I cannot in good conscience participate in that.
If it were true that the modern liberal community stood strongly with the victims of the extra-Constitutional Gestapo round-ups and detentions and abuse of poor brown people, it would be different. But that is not happening, and I think it will not ever happen. I can't stomach "differing opinions" on this subject anymore, can't bring myself to debate it with people.
If it were true that it were possible to live a true and honest life for oneself, let alone actually help others around us, by building a liberal counter-cultural lifestyle, if it were true that tossing a little money to charity, or by promoting the party or liberal causes earned us moral integrity and meant that we were part of the solution rather than part of the problem, then it would be different. But those are not true, and those activities and ideas lead us to attack and undermine anyone suggesting that a more radical, a more engaged, a more determined, a more committed and a more risky path is necessary.
If it were true that we could accept, comply with, cooperate and compromise with, defend and admire the petty tyrants and bullies in our daily lives and see them as clever "winners" and then not get a perfect reflection of that in our national leadership, government and politics, it would be different. But most liberals and Democrats are engaged in the hopeless task of balancing a personal life of bullying and being bullied, and then somehow supporting the opposite of that politically. This is the prime example of the extreme cognitive dissonance that one must surrender to, or continually battle and so be seen as a pariah, in order to participate and belong to the community.
If it were true that what I am saying here was seen as positive, powerful, and hopeful it would be different. But it is seen by too many as "negative" and "discouraging," or as insignificant and worthless - at best annoying - "yeah we have heard all that, but what is your solution? Hmmmm?" they will jeer.
If it were true that by first taking care of yourself, that then others will be taken care of later as a result of that, it would be different. But that is not true. Taking care of oneself first and foremost makes us callous and indifferent at worst, and condescending and demeaning at best, toward those around us. We need to take care of each other - always. One of the supreme ironies of modern life that I se, is that on a person to person level, conservatives are often far more generous and tolerant than liberals. If the Gestapo were after you - if this police state we are sliding into were real rather than hypothetical (and it most surely is) - I know many conservative people who would hide you, no questions asked. Too many liberals would ask "is he guilty?" about you, and be hesitant to help you until "they knew the facts" and could assure themselves that you were worthy of help and protection and not a "loser" or "mentally ill." Democrats and liberals are officially tolerant and compassionate and charitable, so that alleviates them of any sense of responsibility to be tolerant and compassionate and charitable with those real human beings around them in every day life.
If it were true that by being here we were part of a movement that strongly advocated for feeding and housing the destitute, for public education, for regulation of industry and finance, for protecting the little people, for rebuilding the public infrastructure that protects and supports our farms and our food supply, for rebuilding public transportation, for universal health care as a fundamental human right, for equal access to the courts and legal justice for all, for protecting and restoring the environment for the benefit of all, not the few who can afford eco-tourism or enlightened personal consumer choices,the it would be different. But none of this is true. We have a list of a grab bag of "good causes" that "we are working on" and that each little activist can pick and choose from, and do petty little isolated things so they can feel good about themselves. We have no consistency, no cohesion, no clarity and no will to fight - no ethic of self-sacrifice or commitment to community.
If it were not true that to be part of this community required us to see half of our fellow citizens as the enemy, and see our job as "being in their face" and confronting, antagonizing and hating all who do not agree with us, based on the most superficial and petty pretexts, it would be different. But that is what we are being asked to do in order for us to demonstrate our "loyalty" to "the cause."
I know that many, many people are suffering from the heartbreak, the confusion, the gut-wrenching agony, the never-ending frustrations and obstacles that come with being a modern liberal or party activist. We continue to suffer, and accept it, because we think there is no alternative. But if it is to be "every man for himself" - and it clearly is; if activism and social concern are to be subordinate to and subject to individualism and personal choices, then why agonize over any of this at all? Why not just look out for number one? Why not just embrace a "don't worry be happy" approach? Stress does not come from challenges and threats and dangers - it comes from an awareness of challenges and threats and dangers that we can do nothing about. Is there anything more stressful than the position that modern liberalism and the party place us in? That is almost the only thing that it now means to be a liberal - become intensely aware of the dangers, while simultaneously knuckling under to the idea that nothing can really be done about the dangers.
I don't know what the "alternative" is. But I am not going to let that stop me any longer from saying that this alternative - what we have been doing - will never work. That frees me up to go find or create an alternative, and succeed or fail at that, delusional and quixotic or not, that is how I want to spend the rest of my time now. The "alternative" to hitting yourself with a hammer and the solution to the problem of the pain that is causing, is to STOP hitting yourself with a hammer. That isn't "giving up" or quitting, it is starting, it is the necessary step in preparing yourself for new and more productive methods.
Thanks again to everyone who has put up with me, read and considered my posts, and offered so many great insights and observations and brilliant ideas.
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