So, how does one comfort an atheist who only has 6-12 months to live?

[Synnical]

Edit to add - she's 53.

I'm living this story.

I'm taking her to lunch on the beach Sunday.

I haven't seen her in about two years, we had a falling out awhile back.

She and I both know there is no "afterlife."

I suppose the best thing is laughter, and remembering the good times we had together.

-Cindy in Fort Lauderdale

[enlightenment]

1. Absolutely.

Recognition of the fundamental 'unfairness' because, let's face it - it's never fair if you're not ready to go - and sharing your strength with her to help her remember to enjoy each day she has remaining to her and each good memory of the days she has already lived.

[PassingFair]

2. My dad was sad about leaving us...

he wasn't sad about dying. He was worried about us.

His last words to me were to "be happy" and to
take care of my mother.

:cry:

Yes, tell her she will never be forgotten.

:hug:

[CrispyQ]

3. "I suppose the best thing is laughter, and remembering the good times we had together."

That's what I would want - a fantastic walk down memory lane, an opportunity to recount all the things, wonderful & not so wonderful, in my life.

[yellerpup]

4. She should know all the reasons you love her

and be reminded of how much light/love she has brought into your life. Recall a time when she said or did something that helped improve your life. People need to know they are loved and it helps to know (as specifically as possible) the reasons why they are worthy of love.

[Synnical]

10. Thank you, what you wrote makes great sense

And very much something of which I needed to be reminded.

-Cindy

[Warpy]

5. Keep it real

and be honest about why you had the falling out. Don't tiptoe around it if the subject comes up.

You'd really rather let go of those feelings than a friend, right? Let her know that, too.

The worst disservice you can do to her is lie at this point.

In any case, just be there to offer whatever help she says she needs. A lot of your job will be to listen. Your job won't be to fix her in any way, even if she suddenly wants to believe in heaven, if not one presided over by a god.

My mother had a typically Irish view of things, that death was a long rest followed by reincarnation, no heaven or hell.

All any of us knows for certain is that it's a one way trip.

[skepticscott]

6. It's maybe not about comfort

but about helping them see that they've lived a full and satisfying life in the years that they've had so far, and that they've left things a little better than they were. That, and convincing them not to stop living before they actually do.

Sorry this is a little late, Cin...but hope it may still help.

[onager]

7. This is a hard one.

Which is why I haven't responded, coward that I am. I don't think I can add anything to what has been said, other than I will be thinking about the two of you.

I believe the memories of our friends and relatives are the only kind of immortality we can hope for. And the best kind.

[and-justice-for-all]

8. With the truth...

"..laughter, and remembering the good times we had together."

The Human animal is no different from all the other animals, all made of the same stuff and all will meet the same end. That is just a fact and the truth...nothing wrong with that, it is the natural order of things.

[Synnical]

9. Thanks, All. I told her I had posted this here

Her name is Judy. And she's always been a lovely, caring person. Second generation atheist.

I sent her a link to my OP. I think I should have asked her first, but I was just so shocked when I found out the news, well, I just came to this forum for support in dealing with this and as always, all of you have been great. Thanks so much.

She wrote to me that she was not upset that I had posted about her situation and was actually flattered, thanking me for a tiny piece of immortality.

So, if you all don't mind . . .

We had a really nice day on Sunday, went to Hollywood Beach in Florida, walked the boardwalk for a bit and had a nice lunch under beautiful South Florida sun with a nice breeze.

We plan on attending on the First Annual Carl Sagan Day on November 7th at Broward College.

She's in good spirits right now. She has sent me her "Bucket List", which mostly involves traveling. And she hates to fly!

Thanks again, everyone, and Judy thanks you, too.

-Cindy in Fort Lauderdale

[Deep13]

11. Just be there.

You both know the facts, so there is no point trying to be reassuring about her condition. The most you can do is to try to reassure her about those being left behind who might be relying on her.

[Synnical]

12. Judy and I have e-mailed about the "Left Behind Letters"

NOT the "Left Behind" Xian stories.

See http://www.thecurestartsnow.org/desserich/

-Cindy in Fort Lauderdale

[Synnical]

13. Judy died today around 4PM EST

No deathbed conversion, no prayers by/from those of us who knew her best.

She'll be missed.

Thanks to all who commented and thanks for "listening". I was able to spend some personal time with her in the last month, alas while she was in the hospital.

The last time we were able to do anything together in public was Carl Sagan Day. She and I both loved Sagan and we had a terrific day together. I wrote about it here ---> http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=263&topic_id=38646&mesg_id=38690

-Cindy in Fort Lauderdale

BTW - do you know how difficult it is to find a card (in a local store) that doesn't say, "Get Well Soon"? Or one that doesn't state, "I'm praying for you." Or "god is looking out for you."?

[meeshrox]

14. My thoughts to you...

I just read your story and am heartbroken for your loss. It sounds like you were able to get close again in the last few weeks. What a wonderful memory to have with a dear friend, Carl Sagan Day.

As for the greeting card, I usually find a "thinking of you" card and add my owns words of sympathy.

Thanks for sharing and much love your way! :hug:

[Synnical]

18. Thanks, yes, we re-connected in the last few months n/t

[Odin2005]

17. I'm sorry!

:hug:

[charlie]

19. I'm sorry, Cindy

She died having at least one friend who understood and that's no small thing. I surely wouldn't want to go any other way.

Good on you. Good on both of you.

[ZombieHorde]

15. Seems to me you did the right thing. nt

[onager]

16. Thanks for the update, sad as it is.

I'm glad you have a last happy memory.