Did you know that Jesus assists surgeons...

[rexcat]

I had shoulder surgery last Monday at a catholic hospital. While waiting to get a nerve block I looked up at the opposite wall and what did I see - a rather large picture of a surgical suite with nurses and doctors in the middle of a surgical procedure and there was Jesus helping the surgeon do his thing. My surgeon is Muslim so did Jesus help him or does he only help christian physicians? It took two tries to get an IV going pre-op and three sticks to get the nerve block right. I suppose that will teach me for being an atheist.

edited for spelling

[Warpy]

1. Jesus is a busy guy

From helping sports teams to talking to Stupid to guiding a surgeon's hand to helping an occasional gambler win at craps. No wonder he didn't have enough time to prevent the earthquake in Haiti.

[immoderate]

2. He takes a big interest in the Grammies, and not just Gospel artists.

--imm

[rexcat]

4. Since people do die on the operating table...

is Jesus responsible for those deaths? Personally I would prefer that my surgeon was well trained and had lots of experience with the procedure at hand as was the case with my doc.

[onager]

3. He also helps country-gospel stars get their D-I-V-O-R-C-E...

Old news but still entertaining:

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (ABP)--Gospel recording artist Amy Grant says she felt like a failure for getting a divorce in March but believes God "released" her from her 16-year marriage to Gary Chapman. She acknowledges she is now dating country music star Vince Gill but denies tabloid rumors that they were having an affair while she was married.

http://www.baptiststandard.com/1999/12_8/pages/grant.html

This is a puff piece from the Baptist Standard. So don't bother looking for such phrases as "she and Vince Gill canoodled like a pair of rabid weasels before the divorce" or "Jesus touched her ladyparts."

Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today,
Me and little S-O-B will be going away...

(Rewrite by The Circle Jerks, on "Golden Shower of Hits")