Introduction / Vent

[WV_Biker]

I'm not a very good writer so bear with me. I am a single male 49 years old. I have depression/bipolar II disorder. I have been seeing a woman on and off for the last 13 years. She is an alcoholic. I love this woman dearly. She claims to love me. Between her alcoholism and my bipolar crap we fight a lot. When I'm with her all I want is away from her and when I'm away from her she is all I think about. lol She also has a 17 year old son and I love him as if he were my own.

We haven't been getting along very well these last few days. She believes that there is no such thing as being bipolar and I should just quit my meds. There is a part of me that thinks maybe I should quit my meds. I believe I am bipolar, but I seem to have gotten worse instead of better since I've been taking meds. I have been to numerous doctors and been on all kinds of meds and truthfully I think I would have been better off if I had just “rode it out” and never went to a doctor in the first place.

We had a pretty big blow out last night. I think this one may have been our Armageddon so to speak. I know that ultimately I will be better off with out her. I don't know if I want to pursue a relationship with anybody else or not. If I find someone else sooner or later “The Demon” will surface and they will be gone. I'm normally a calm mellow guy till “The Demon” comes out. Then I'm like Satan himself. Which is why I always end up back with her. I don't know what the point of my post is. I guess I just needed to vent.


WV_Biker

[EFerrari]

1. Welcome to the forum, WV_Biker.

:hi:

[WV_Biker]

3. Thank You EFerrari.

Thanks

[laylah]

2. Welcome...

:hug: For her to minimize, degrade, and deny your mental illness is reprehensible! I am bi-polar II, just diagnosed when I was 58. Had I known earlier, my life may have been very different.

That said, you are following a pattern I knew too well. Stay with your meds, find further counselling if need be, ask Creator to provide your lady love with Infinite Love and LET HER GO.

Just my two cents.

[WV_Biker]

4. Thanks laylah...

....I know you are right. I definitely have to let her go.


WV_Biker

[laylah]

5. SOOOOOOO much easier

said than done until you learn your own worth, deal with your mental illness (nothing to be ashamed of!), and realize you are WORTHY of a healthy relationship. Your lady has her own issues she needs to address. I wish her, and you, well :hug:

[blueamy66]

11. Great advice.

I agree wholeheartedly.

My fiance doesn't understand my anxiety issues, but he accepts them and would never dare to tell me to stop taking my meds.

If she is an alcoholic, she has her own demons to deal with.

You would probably be in a much better place without her. I know, easier said than done.

[Terra Alta]

6. Welcome WVBiker!

You definitely deserve someone better. Bipolar is very real and for someone to tell you it doesn't exist and for you to go off your meds.. that only hurts you more than it helps. As for quitting your meds, I wouldn't advise it. Have you seen a therapist? I know seeing a therapist helps me a lot. Good luck to you!

[WV_Biker]

7. I was seeing a therapist....

...but she kept missing appointments. I know I need to find another one. I thought I could deal with it without one but I can tell now I need one. I've been in a really bad place the last couple of days. I guess Monday I'll start looking for a new one. I appreciate all the responses here. You don't know how much it helps.


WV_Biker

[Terra Alta]

8. sounds to me like you had a terrible therapist.

no therapist who cares about his/her clients would keep missing appointments. I've been seeing my therapist every two weeks going on two years now and I can count on one hand how many times she had to cancel an appointment, and she had a good reason every time. I hope you find an understanding therapist!

[WV_Biker]

9. She wasn't bad when she showed up...

...she was even progressive. My last appointment I was sitting in her office waiting when she called and said she forgot. I had already taken off from work to go to that appointment and didn't want to have to take another day. She had missed or was late showing up for a couple of appointments before that so we parted ways. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I'm having a tough day today. I haven't had one this bad in awhile. I just hope I'm alright by Monday. I keep telling myself it will pass with time.


WV_Biker

[Terra Alta]

10. I know what you mean...

this whole past week has been rough for me. Not just the MA election, USSC decision, etc. but there have been things going on in my personal life this week that have made me want to scream. Today is probably the best day I've had in this long, horrible week. You are NOT alone, trust me. :hug:

[laylah]

12. To all...

you are NOT alone :grouphug: