She called me looking for support, but we both got something out of the deal

[Tobin S.]

I've got a friend who lives about 1300 miles away from me. We met online on a dating site for the mentally ill. We talked for a long time via e-mail and then the phone and then we visited each other in our hometowns. Nothing romantic came of it and we stopped talking so much after a while, but we still talk on the phone and send e-mails sometimes.

She e-mailed me earlier this week saying that she was having some trouble with her medication and having a rough time in general. She had partially relapsed, but was still able to function well enough to make it through the day at work until Friday when she had to go home early. Her doctor thinks she has my friend's meds sorted out now, but it's going to be a few days before she gets back to normal. Good thing we have a long weekend.

My friend has the same illness that I do, and I know how quickly we can deteriorate if the meds aren't right or if we miss doses. This is not something that can usually be sorted out by talking, but I felt that I should talk to her on the chance that it might help a little. Maybe it would give her some comfort. She doesn't have many friends she can confide this stuff to and she does not get along well with her family.

I was going to call her today. I was just waiting for the sun to get a little higher in the sky. She's two hours behind me. Then my phone rang at about 8:15 her time and it was her. This kind of thing has happened once before and we talked then, too. She trusts me because I understand what it's like to be paranoid. We've described our symptoms to each other and they are somewhat similar. I speak directly to people and I don't have any ulterior motives. What you see is what you get.

Schizoaffective disorder is a terrible illness. She is a bright woman, college educated, and she has a nice home and a good job. But this illness can reduce her to homelessness and incoherency, and indeed she was homeless for 2 years before she got the treatment she needed. So, this is a very serious situation.

She talked for a while and I just let her go, not breaking in. After she got done explaining what she was going through I told her about how I had felt the same way before, explaining what I had gone through. I tried to assure her that it was just the illness. I don't know if I succeeded a great deal, but she did sound better and she started talking of other matters and asking me how things were going here.

I told her about how I had bought a truck and would soon be hitting the road. I explained why I had to quit a job that was secure to do something not so secure. She told me that I was a brave person and started telling me about other times when she had that impression. I told her that I don't always feel brave and sometimes I feel downright cowardly. She told me that bravery was doing something even when you were afraid to do it.

I've frequently had the feeling that I wasn't good enough, and that has hurt my self-confidence a lot of times in life. It was nice to be told that I'm courageous. A few DUers said the same thing last night, so I guess maybe I can start believing it. :)

I think she will be okay. She'll just need a little time. I told her to call me anytime she wanted. We ended the conversation talking about baseball. We are both fans. She sounded normal.

[elleng]

1. You ARE courageous, Tobin S.,

and you have done a very fine thing!

E

[Tobin S.]

3. Thanks ellen

I hope I said something that helped. I think I will call her today and talk to her again, just to make sure she's going to be alright. I think a care package might be in order, too.

[mopinko]

2. hey, you might have given her a voice that

challenges what the illness is telling her. something to hang onto. a reality check. something i wish i had sometimes.

and you are very brave. very.

[Tobin S.]

4. Thanks mopinko

I hope you are right. I think I'll call her today to make sure everything is going to be alright. She should be feeling a little better by now with another day's worth of meds in her.

I did get her to laugh yesterday, which I think is a very good sign. I forgot to put that in the OP. We are both non-religious people and I told her about touchdown Jesus getting zapped by a bolt of lightening. I live about 15 miles north of there. Let me know if you need details on that. :)

[mopinko]

5. is that the one made of butter?

i know i saw several threads on that, and not sure if any were parody. hard to keep track sometimes.

[Tobin S.]

6. No. It was an actual statue

I'm not sure what it was made of, but it was commisioned by a megachurch down that way that paid big money to have it built. It was a bust of Jesus with his face and arms and hands raised to the sky. It had to have been at least fifty feet tall. It had been there for several years now. Anyway, the damn thing got hit by lightening and burnt to the ground from what I hear. There were a few threads here at DU about it.

[Tobin S.]

7. Here you go.

Touchdown Jesus

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=263&topic_id=40904&mesg_id=40904

[mopinko]

8. ohio is a strange place.

that's all i can say.