11 yo son has been officially diagnosed as having ADHD and a mood disorder. This is a

[GreenPartyVoter]

very tough pill to swallow because a) he got it from me, and b) I can't stop worrying that he is doomed to repeat my own messed up life. :(

[elleng]

1. Sorry, GPV, but there is a sunny side to this street:

He's only 11, you've learned about it, you have experience with it, there are meds available that weren't before, docs know a lot more now than they did in the past, you and they know what to look for, and you're in control.

BIG advantages, imo.

22 y.o. daughter has same, I think, but just NOW being 'discovered,' trying to deal with from distance, and encountering problems one might expect from a young adult.

BEST WISHES.

:hi:

[GreenPartyVoter]

2. Thanks! All reassuring points. I'm sorry your daughter is in the same boat, and that

you live so far apart. :( I hope things work out well for her!

[HereSince1628]

3. Sorry to hear that... but about him getting these from you

Is that an awful fear that you have or do you really think that is true? Maybe you're being too hard on yourself.

[GreenPartyVoter]

4. There's something like a 1-in-5 chance of passing them on to your kids, and I

have no doubt it came from me, since I have them too.

I can't kick myself too hard over it. I mean I didn't choose to give it to him. But I still feel badly that it's happened. :(

[mopinko]

5. and someone gave it to you. big deal.

early treatment and appropriate educational adjustments can really change the course of his life. you will be there batting for him. your worst fears are highly unlikely to come about.
beating your self up is a ticket to a black hole. stop it.

[GreenPartyVoter]

8. Thanks, mo. The genetics are a done deal so I'm not going to sweat it anymore. :^)

[Odin2005]

6. I'm sure you will do everything to make sure he doesn't repeat your messed up life!

:hug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

7. Thanks, I'm gonna try! *hugs*

[mopinko]

9. and this little bit of advice does not count as

medical advice, because you didn't ask that. but i believe there have several studies that show that a gram of good cold water fish oil is useful in kids with bp and other mental imbalances. it can't hurt.

[elleng]

10. mop, good for other than 'kids,' like 22 year olds too?

Inquiring moms want to know.

[mopinko]

11. totally.

i don't know why the pdocs don't tell people this. but fwiw, i take 2 grams a day for my cholesterol, but still have my problems. might be chipping away at it somewhat, i guess.

[elleng]

12. So it has to be a cold water fish, eh?

Mebbe I'll send a bottle for her 23d b'day in a month; waddya think??

:hi:
:thumbsup:
:rofl:

[mopinko]

13. well, that i something i would do, but....

salmon oil is supposed to be the best. and mackerel? it is not particularly cheap. i take the stuff from costco, and vaguely remember comparing the 2 and finding little difference. it is about the proportions of dha and epa.

[Forkboy]

14. Can't beat yourself up over genetics.

If it's a 1 in 5 chance that it was passed on from you that means there's a 4 in 5 chance that it wasn't. And even if it was, what could you possibly have done differently? Nothing. Take it from someone who beats himself over things to the point where friends get mad at me for it, it's not worth the energy and negativity it fosters in your own head.

One thing that will help keep him from repeating your "messed up" life is that you have an awareness of what all this means, what it can do, and how it effects people. You're in position to pass that awareness on to him, making it easier for him to learn to deal with this as he gets older. I'm betting no one was in that position for you, and I know I dealt with my own issues for over 20 years before getting help and becoming aware of what I was actually dealing with, even though my father went through the exact same thing. He never, even to this day, has said anything to me about how to deal with it (though he did say once that I should volunteer to be a Mars probe, as that might make me happy lol). At this point I think he just wants to let me do my own thing and doesn't want to tell me how I should feel and react, and I respect that at age 43. But when I was 20 I could have seriously used some help in understanding what it was I was going through. Your son will have that guidance.

:hug:

[ocd liberal]

15. I too have an 11 year old son

He has the hair-pulling disorder - name of it escapes me - but I have been on anti-depressants for 18 years now. My shrink wanted to put my 11 year old on 10mg of Lexapro to help with the OCD she believes he has, but I think he is too young, as his brain chemicals aren't done changing yet. Plus, being a teenager is going to change everything again.

I have a great amount of fear and guilt about what I have passed on to my son.

[mopinko]

16. just my half-assed personal opinion

i think you should do everything in your power to help this kid have a "normal" childhood/adolescence. i think if you just let it go it scarifies and deepens. and gets tangled up in the kind of bad experiences he will undoubtedly have.

good luck. this stuff is incredibly hard on parents. and the guilt is a waste of time. don't dwell there. dwell on helping him the way only you can.

peace.

[hedgehog]

18. I'd really get some more information about anti-depressants and children.

I've done some reading that suggests that depression itself causes changes in the brain. If that's true, and if it applies to your son, early intervention may be more effective than waiting. Good luck whatever you decide.

AS I noted above - depression runs strong in my family. However - the so-called "sane" members and their kids are waaaaay more messed up than my kids and I ever were. So don't feel guilty about your genes.

[hedgehog]

17. The depression/anxiety disorder that runs through my family

landed on my kids big time. ( I suspect there is some of this in my husband's family, too).

The difference is 1. we caught it early and 2. there are all kinds of treatments now. I look at my kids sometimes and wonder where I'd be if I'd had the same kind of early intervention. So, pat yourself on the back that you're doing your best to spare your kid what you went through.