I really need some help and insight on a problem that is tearing

[Blue_Roses]

my marriage apart--my husband's mood swings. He was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago by a neurologist, but he doesn't take his meds. He has an appointment in two weeks with a new doctor who is suppose to be pretty good--however, I don't know if I'm going to make it until then.

He knows there is something more that is wrong with him besides the ADHD because he has such severe mood swings. One minute he's being rude and a major jerk to me and the kids by insulting us, the next minute he's laughing and making jokes. He has a problem with crowds and actually breaks out in a sweat when he's in a new situation, but can be very out-going and comical with those he knows well. It's driving me crazy and we fight constantly because his words are always hurting my feelings. I try to ignore him when he is being "curt" or rude and then he badgers me by asking, "what's wrong," constantly. :banghead:

When he drinks alcohol, I actually can tolerate him better. It's so weird 'cause he is calmer and more patient. He's also kinder. Go figure. I just don't want him to have to drink to get along with us.

I take Strattera for ADD and it works great--finally, but I still can't deal with him.

Please, any insight would be greatly appreciated. I'm tired of being sad. I just don't know how long I can stay in this miserable situation. He told me that he is looking foward to this appointment because he too is tired of being unhappy. He doesn't know why he feels this way and it's frustrating for him also. Anybody else heard of these mood swings?

[Droopy]

1. He sounds like my dad when he was young

and his behavior led to two divorces. Then my dad turned to alcohol and was an alcoholic for several years, but, like your husband, was actually a more agreeable person. After I was diagnosed with my illness I spoke with my dad and told him that mental illness is possibly genetic and that I may have inherited my crazy genes from him. It took him a couple of years, but after he had finally hit bottom he sought out the help of a psychiatrist and a therapist. He was diagnosed with depression and prescribed an anti-depressant and amazingly he quit drinking. He's doing fine now, but I think it may be possible that he and your husband are bipolar. But having these mood swings occur in a matter of hours or possibly minutes in your husbands case is not common among bipolar patients. Their mood swings usually occur over a period of weeks if not months. But there is a rare form of bipolar called rapid cycling and this could be the case with your husband.

Whatever it is he really needs to see the doctor and you two should be in counseling together if you want to save your marriage. Try to hang in there with him at least until he sees the doctor, but don't put yourself at risk if you think he may become violent. I think it would be understandable if you decided to leave, though. Best of luck and take care.

[Blue_Roses]

3. thanks and one note here...

he did go online and do a test for bipolar and it said he had more than a 99% chance of having this. This is something his grandmother and mother have, so this could be it. He's not violent and has never touched me--sometimes I wish he would then it would be easier to leave at times--but with this it's just miserable to be around his mood swings and depression.

[hedgehog]

2. Hang in there until he sees the doctor

The phrase that he's tired of being unhappy caught my eye - that's exactly what I said when I sought treatment for depression. Spring is a bad time for depressives and people with bipolar disease. I'll say a prayer for all of you.

[Blue_Roses]

4. I've heard that spring

is a bad time for depressives--why is that?

Thank-you for your prayers.:)

[rockedthevoteinMA]

5. The change of seasons is hell on depressives, and bipolar as

well. I am in the midst of a hypomanic phase. (when my mood swings up.. and I get racy, agitated, angry quite easy, and can't sleep, lose my apeptite, etc.) I told my fiance, and family to fasten their seatbelts a few weeks ago. (Little did I know that I was being serious, I thought I was just kidding).

I believe it has something to do with the extended sunlight, the switch of seasons. I know I get depressed during the fall/winter. I hope for the best for you and your husband.

I know sometimes there is another illness that has to do with rapid mood swings. It's a personality disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder. They say to be diagnosed you must meet five of the eight criteria.

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and
marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated
by five (or more) of the following:

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or
self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating
between extremes of idealization and devaluation

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex,
substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating
behavior covered in Criterion 5.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria,
irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

7. chronic feelings of emptiness

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper,
constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

http://www.fortunecity.com/campus/psychology/781/bpd-dsm.htm

Good luck to you both. I know in my area of the woods we have emergency contact lines that go through the local psych hospital, or ones that go through the community mental health center, that one can call at any time ... and they offer advice, or just an ear to listen. You should check that out for you or your husband. It's free, and anonymous. :hug:

[Blue_Roses]

6. wow-- that sounds

alot like him. I read this to him and he said, "hmmm... makes alot of sense." He's really open to finding out why he gets on my last nerve--lol!

On a serious note, he does seem to realize the importance of getting this under control because I told him this is the final straw. I can't live like this much longer. One of the most positive things I see from him is his desire to try, so that gives him lots of points from me. Time will tell.

Thanks so much for the support--I really appreciate it:)

[Droopy]

7. I see positive things happening to you and your husband

His desire to get well will help him a great deal when he goes to get treatment. He is more likely to stick to therapy and medication if needed than someone who will not admit that they have a problem. Here's to you guys :toast:

[Blue_Roses]

14. thanks droopy

:) I went searching on many websites the other night and found so much info on BPD. My husband read alot that I had saved and he too feels that alot of this is caused by BPD, because mainly of his horrific childhood. I've noticed over the weekend he seems more peaceful. We had a long talk Friday night and I said I would stand by him till the bitter end if he tried to find out what this is ...I think that went along way to making him want to succeed...

Time will tell...

I'm so thankful for you all here on this forum otherwise I wouldn't have known to even look at BPD being the problem. His appointment is in a week so we'll see then.

[rockedthevoteinMA]

8. I agree with Droopy.

The first step is realizing that you have a problem. You should talk to
sfexpat2000. She seems to share this issue with you. I know for myself, (I have been dxed Bipolar and Borderline) nothing worked until I decided I needed to get my life on track.

Do you have NAMI (national alliance for the mentally ill) meetings in your area? http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?section=your_local_NAMI
Around here, they have them for the diagnosed, and the families of the diagnosed. I've never been to one... but I have heard they help.

Congrats to your husband for recognizing he needs help, and to you for sticking by him. I know from watching those around me the nightmare that goes hand in hand with a diagnosis like this. :hug:

[TrogL]

9. sounds like there's three different things going on

1. some sort of bipolar thing
   
2. ADHD
   
3. other stuff on the autistic spectrum
   

He has a problem with crowds and actually breaks out in a sweat when he's in a new situation, but can be very out-going and comical with those he knows well. It's driving me crazy and we fight constantly because his words are always hurting my feelings.

That's what I'm twigging on. There's aspects of Asperger's Syndrome in there. He may be having issues with socialization. In particular he may not even realize he's hurting your feelings. He may simply not 'get it'.

[tibbir]

10. I have bipolar disorder and I rapid cycle.

I can have mood swings that change very rapidly, sometimes within the same day. When my mood goes up I tend to go to hypomanic most of the time , but some people's manic episodes are expressed as extreme irritability. This sounds to me kind of like what your husband may be experiencing.

Your husband should go to a psychiatrist for evaluation. The only caution I have is that lithium is the frontline drug of choice for bipolar disorder and it can work very well for people who cycle 2-4 times per year. It didn't work at all for me and I believe that's been the experience for most rapid-cyclers.

People with borderline personality disorder have mood swings, often with rapid cycling. Besides checking current symptoms against your husband's current behavior, look back to the past. Many borderlines suffered severe abuse growing up and this was a coping mechanism.

Just some thoughts. My best throughts go out to you and your husband while you both work to investigage this. Just the fact that your husband realizes he needs help is a major step . Good luck with whatever you discover.

[depakid]

11. I agree with tibbir

Abrupt mood shifts of less than 24 hours duration might be indicative of what's called ultradian (or ultra-rapid) cycling. Then again, there could be other things going on. An experienced psychiatrist who takes a proper history would be in the best position to determine this- but many people (particularly men) are reluctant to see a shrink.

One thing you can do is look at his family history. Whatever else is going on with bipolar disorders- they're genetic- and so if you look at his immediate family and his "bloodline" so to speak, you may see instances of people who show bipolar symptoms, even if they weren't actually diagnosed. Recognizing those may help to persuade him to see a professional and follow-up with treatment.

[DemExpat]

12. I never looked at this in this way before...

...."but some people's manic episodes are expressed as extreme irritability".

Thanks for giving mre something to think about, because I always felt that my mood swings - also the "manic" swing- were always very internalized and not like my girlfriend's bipolar manic periods of extreme extrovert behavior.

:hi:

DemEx

[Blue_Roses]

13. one of the main reason

I think he may have borderline personality disorder is because of his horrific childhood. I know he is ADHD but this mood swing thing that he has going on is much worse than ADHD. In fact, I did about 3 hours of reading the other night after someone mentioned BPD. I went to numerous websites searching for answers and bingo! I was amazed at how this rang true in everyway. I even joined a website for those who have loved ones facing this. My husband read some things that I saved and he thinks too that this hits the nail on the head. He has an appointment a week from Tuesday with a new doctor and I just hope this doctor has heard of BPD. That's what worries me and my husband--what if he doesn't get the proper diagnosis? It seems we know our spouses better than most doctors do and I just hope he will be open ...

I'm so thankful for this forum because otherwise I would have never heard of BPD.

:)

[mopinko]

15. if the doctor never heard of bpd

run.

[rockedthevoteinMA]

16. Remember to tell him, if he doesn't like the way the doc treats him,

it's his right to leave and find someone else. BPD can be a funky diagnosis - they don't always like to discuss it with those suffering from it. I don't know why, I ran into that problem myself. I'm glad we were all able to help you and your husband... and :toast: to you both for taking the steps to get help.

[EFerrari]

17. Hey, Blue Roses

Reading this thread, I REALLY RELATE! Doug used to get on my last nerve and everyone else's too, including his own. Sometimes, he seemed completely unaware of how much he upset other people and at the same time, really lonely because he didn't feel "close" to any of his gazillion friends. :(

I tend to agree with Trogl. There's more than one thing going on here and one of them may be on the autism spectrum -- but then, I'm a writer not a doctor.

My husband is like that. It's a mixture of being exquisitely sensitive sometimes and being sort of blunted about social interactions at other times. Really confusing.

And then stir in, being insightful at one moment, then losing that insight the next.

It's been a while since you started this thread. Do you have an update? Keep us posted.

Best,
Beth

[Blue_Roses]

18. UPDATE: finally got him to the appointment

today and he was given a "reaction" test on a computer to rule in or out ADHD and it came back definitely ADHD, however, the guy who gave him the test wasn't able to prescribe meds, so he has to go back to the psychiatrist that they set him up with for the meds and whatever else the doctor finds. Kind of frustrating since we were there for and hour and half and NO MEDS were given today, but hopefully once he sees the doctor we will know more. :banghead:

In the meantime, I'm hanging on...

[EFerrari]

19. Well done, you two! From here, that looks like a big fat step.

When we live with an urgent situation, the whole rest of the world seems to crawl sometimes, for sure.

So, how soon is the appointment with the psychiatrist? And, how are you doing, Blue Roses?

It took me and Doug eight years to move through the morass to find the right stuff. Yikes. I can hardly believe that now.

Along the way, I guess I got uppity, as in thinking there was no good reason for Doug (or me) to do without what we needed when it was legal, known and available.

Bad attitude me. (Thank you, Universe, for my bad attitude. :) )

Thoughts & wishes to you and yours,

Beth

[Blue_Roses]

20. Honestly, I'm feeling very depressed today

He was diagnosed by a doctor (neurologist that I see for ADD), but he didn't have the testing that he had yesterday. This previous doctor just took his medical history and that's how he came up with the ADHD diagnosis and gave him some medication then. My husband took it but said it didn't work so he stopped. The guy who tested him yesterday said he (my husband) was "classic, hard-core ADHD and that he really needed to be on medication. He told my husband that he can't just take it a couple of days and quit if he doesn't think it's working. He said he needed to be on it at least 2 weeks to see a difference. I worry that he will quit taking it again. If he does then that's the final straw. I can't live like this anymore.If he can't do his part to help himself, by taking his meds, then I quit too.

So, with that said, I write this with some depression today, wondering how this will turn out.

[EFerrari]

21. Well, no wonder! When you live with all those ups and downs

you go up and down, too. It can be exhausting for everyone in the family.

When is the next appointment? It wouldn't be inappropriate, imo, for you to lobby for it to be asap. If the doctor knows what he's doing, he will understand your position.

Fyi, when Doug was put on his neuroleptic, I saw a distinct benefit after 24 hours, then another at 48 and 72. Then things sort of leveled out until we got to the two week mark, and yet another more gradual improvement.

The meds aren't magic. Sometimes Dougala feels so unwell, the best he can do is go lay down. But, it's night and day from the old days.

Hang in there, BR. I hope today is better for you.

Best,
Beth

[Blue_Roses]

22. the guy who tested him said they would call him

with the psychiatrist appointment:eyes: When I asked my husband how long that would be he said probably weeks. I said, "weeks" or "week"...and he said he didn't know :banghead: Geezee...it's like raising another child.

I really need to do something for ME today and forget all this, 'cause it's going to drive me nuts.

[EFerrari]

23. Good idea!

Taking down time is how I got on the net in the first place.

And, it's not okay for the tester to leave you hanging like that. "Weeks" and "I don't know" are not an answer, they don't qualify as consistent and predictable treatment, do they? :eyes: I'd call, that's for sure.

[EFerrari]

24. I misread your post, I see.

I thought the tester said "I don't know."

And wanted to say this: Especially before he was stabilized, Doug had a lot of trouble carrying information from doc to doc, or doc to home.

So, I put in this practice that made everyone's life easier: Doug and the doc would write down the next step before Doug left the office. Doug would come home and put it on the frig. That way, we were all on the same page, appointments were not missed and meds adjustments went as intended. fyi. B.

[hedgehog]

25. Excellent advice

Bravo!

[EFerrari]

26. Hey, hedgehog, it was either us or the great unknown

We chose us. :)

[Blue_Roses]

27. lol, yes, I can relate

the "great unknown" and BTW great advice:)

[Blue_Roses]

28. New Update as of 4/29!

We have been waiting for the doctor to call about scheduling an appointment and they haven't called yet, so we (me and my husband) went in the office and asked the receptionist when would he be scheduled. She said she was just going to call us about that today:eyes: so while we were there my husband asked if he could go ahead and schedule an appointment. It was made for JUNE 3rd!! I finally spoke up and said, "look, I know he's booked up and you guys are busy, but is there any other doctor we could see"? She gave me the list of a few doctors (family) who deal with ADHD and could prescribe meds. I called one that she spoke highly of and they had an opening! He's got an appointment Monday @ 3pm and he's already signed the release for his test results to be faxed over to this doctor.

I'm beginning to see that if your not an advocate for your own care, no one else will be.

[DemExpat]

29. Good going!

I'm beginning to see that if your not an advocate for your own care, no one else will be.

This is SO true with any medical needs IMO!

I learned this when my children were babies, with my mental health needs, when I fell seriously ill with pre-cancer, when my elderly parents were nearing their deaths...

If somebody's Eagle Eye and Loud Mouth is not around, things don't tend to be taken care of in quite the efficient and necessary manner.

:toast: and best wishes to you both,

DemEx

[bertha katzenengel]

30. Congrats on your appt on Monday, Blue Roses.

I've been thinking about you guys since I read this thread and I'm very happy to read this update. Keep us posted. :hug:

[EFerrari]

31. Bingo!

That's a rule that should only be second to "Don't Panic!"

I'm sorry so late in peeking in. But, I'm so glad I did!

much love to you, Blue Roses. What a great job you're doing.

Beth

[Maraya1969]

32. Sounds like a rapid cycling bi-polar to me

I recognize it because I have it. There are support groups for families of mentally ill persons. My mother went years ago when I was out of control and it helped her a lot.

I'd make sure I got to the doctor first and tell him about your husband's behavior.

And if you are sad maybe you should ask your doctor if you have clinical depression. Even if it is a result of the situation sometimes a good antidepressant can work wonders. I can deal with the world much better since being on my meds.

That being said; I divorced my husband because he was nuts. I swear he was bipolar along with some other obsessive jealousy issues. He was so much better when he took the medication but then he told the doctor he didn't like it. And then he didn't like the next one and the next until finally the doctor gave him Zanax and he really got crazy. He stalked me for almost a year after we split and I was in the court room with him several times for breaking a restraining order. All he ever got was probation and ordered to counseling and a psychiatrist. I don't' know how he is now because he has FINALLY left me alone.

I truly understand your frustration and pain. It is horrible experiencing mental illness and it is horrible being affected by someone else's mental illness. You can always contact a crisis hotline and maybe they would have some better options for you. Or contact family services in your area.

A hug for you: :hug:

[Blue_Roses]

33. another NEW UPDATE:5/3

Well, yesterday my husband went to the doctor for his meds and he really liked the doctor. The doctor put him on Stratta and blood pressure medicine. The doctor said his blood pressure was dangerously high. He also did a full blood work, cholesterol screening and EKG. The blood work showed a slightly high white blood count. Needless to say, he needed all this and I saw a difference in my husband when he came in the door--like a sense of relief. He seems dedicated to gettng on track with this med regime. I feel very hopeful. He goes back in two weeks to see how the meds are doing.

Thank-you all for your support. It really means a lot to me.:) I will keep you informed as his progress goes.

[Blue_Roses]

34. Forget the update---spoke too damn soon

I wish there was a 24 hour time frame we could erase what we write here sometimes. Talk about how 8 hours can make a difference in your life.
I'll try to make the newest update short. Here goes...my husband came home from work today and he said the medication made him so sleepy he could hardly stay awake. He drives for a living, so staying awake is very important.

Anyway, I was at work yesterday when he went to his doctor and I had the checkbook so he wasn't able to pay the co-pay at the time. Today I swung by there to pay it and told the nurse about the meds making him sleepy. After asking the doctor, she said for me to go sit in a room and he would be with me to talk to me about the meds. Okay, I'm thinking "cool, very attentive doctor," well,wrong. After pulling out the damn pamphlet from the 40 milligram Strattera bottle, he tells me that this shouldn't be causing this. He tells me that next week he wants him to increase the dose to 80 milligrams since this is what the damn label on the bottle says. I then tell him that "I take 25 milligrams and so far I'm doing okay," and he says, "NO WAY, are you sure? I didn't even know they made 25 milligrams." By this time I starting to think :wtf: He then goes on to say "well, if they keep making him sleepy, he can "quit 'em"!
QUIT 'EM!

FUCKING QUIT 'EM? :wtf:

I then asked --very nicely-- "well can you prescribe something else, "maybe Ritalin, or Concerta, or something else"? He said I don't prescribe those 'cause they are stimulants and they are bad for you. WHAT?? WHAT?? THAT'S WHAT YOU USE FOR ADD AND ADHD--stimulants...:eyes: I wanted to ask, "what the hell do you really know about ADHD--nothing! To just "quit 'em" and not try another medication!??:mad:

Then I get home and tell my husband what an idiot he is and he got mad and said he liked him and I'm too hard to please. Oh, give me a break:eyes:

To hell with it--I'm done...fuck it.