Newbie

[Liberalynn]

Hi all I am a newbie to this Forum,

I have been around DU awhile but am new to this forum.

I have been suffering from Depression/Anxiety/OCD for over ten years now. Part of the problem is chemical, part of it is from attending an excessively centered on corporal punnishment Catholic school when I was an adolescent, and then later in life meeting up with a particulary nasty boss, who made me feel like I was back in Catholic school, part of it was home environment, and part is me and how I react or fail to react. I am on medication and go to see a therapist once a week and am making progress but often times it is still a struggle.

Like today. I am feeling a bit physically down do to a infection and had a therapist's appointment today. I got crying again which I have been trying to control better, not because I feel crying is wrong, just that I find myself still doing it way too much, but I think I made her feel bad and I wasn't trying to.

She wants me to face my fears but today I admitted I was getting really stressed out and feeling guilty and ashamed because I couldn't face one in particular, and she apologized for maybe trying to nudge me along faster than I was ready to. I don't feel she did that, I'm just angry at myself for not being able to let the past and my fears go so I can move on in my life. I'm stuck and in a lot of ways I don't want to be stuck, but then again being stuck feels safer. If that makes any sense.

Anyway I feel really drained and weepy and I hate those days when therapy is so draining emotionally.

Well that's me anyway and I just wanted to say Hi.

[DemExpat]

1. Welcome, Liberalyn....

I remember well the feelings and state that you are in right now....
all I can say is, I know.....and give you a big :hug:

It helped me to write stuff down between therapies in a journal, and sometimes gave me insight into how I was keeping myself stuck.

I hate feeling stuck, which still comes back to me once in awhile even after all these years, but now I do know that it is a temporary feeling, and after a short period it passes.

This is a good Group to just vent in and share what you want to share about experiences that all of us here probably can easily identify with. Even if you don't get lots of replies, I think others read and appreciate the putting it out here.

:hug:

DemEx

[ernstbass]

2. Welcome to this group

and I know what you mean about feeling stuck - it can be comfortable at times. Don't be too hard on yourself - this is a long slow process. I'm glad you have a therapist who is sensitive to your needs and emotions. Hang in there!!

[Liberalynn]

3. Thank you

DemExpat and Ernstbass,

for the encouragement and the welcome. They both mean a lot. It is good we have this forum to come for support from people who understand. :grouphug:

[NMMNG]

4. Welcome Liberalynn