Does anyone else dissociate?

[Nikia]

I think that is the proper term. Sometimes, I don't really feel like I am in my body or experiencing reality. It isn't really an out of body experience and it isn't a black out or anything. It is more like I am on auto pilot and passively watching a movie rather than really experiencing living. It is sort of like how some people feel when they are really tired or hungover or on certain drugs.
This has been happening more and it sort of freaks me out. What is the best way to deal with this? Does this necessarily mean a serious mental illness?

[DemExpat]

1. I know the experience.

What helped me a lot was to "write myself" into a daily journal when I used to feel like this, and to take lots of calming time - walks in the park, on the beach, or just sitting or lying quietly focussing on my breathing.

Conscious breathing brings me back to myself every time.

There are many books/tapes on this subject to try.

:hug:

DemEx

[Ladyhawk]

2. I do when I'm going through medication withdrawals or a lot of pain.

I feel like I'm standing just behind myself. The feeling is especially keen if I touch my face. My hands don't feel like they belong to me. It feels as if I am behind myself, guiding them like a pair of tools.

Bizarre feeling.

The only thing that helps is to take whichever pill I'm withdrawing from or to take care of the pain.

[GreyPilgrim]

3. Depersonalization

I have a panic disorder...and usually one of the precursors to a panic attack is what you described. I always thought of it as "Depersonalization," but disassociation works also. ;-) Usually happens in hot, crowded areas.

Not sure if that helps...

[soleft]

4. Dissociation exists on a very broad continuum

From be abscent minded and daydreaming to multiple personality disorder.

I'd have to say this is one of my biggest obstables and challenges in life, because there a lot of things i do unconsciously or on autopilot and I really want to cultivate the ability to be present and aware.

I went to a retreat a few years ago that dealt a lot with the issues of being present versus living uncounsciously. One technique they thought and it sticks with me today is every so often just take a moment to sense your arms and leggs.

The theory is - is that the way we can connect with the here and now is through our physical selves - our five senses. If you take a moment to see, hear, smell touch what is around you it will reconnect you with the present.

I'm currently exploring different theories, practices and what not to work on this so if I come across anything good I'll pass it along.

[EFerrari]

5. Really well said!

My husband and I are both on that continuum. I seem to dissociate a bit under stress -- and become great in emergencies. When Doug decompensates, I help him calm down and come back.

Wanted to say, today it's been FIVE YEARS since we dealt with a major decompensation.

:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

[soleft]

6. woo hoo for you both!

I wish I could mark a day to acknowledge my recovery from major depression - but I've been drug free for - I think it will be five years in February.

[EFerrari]

7. It's a whole '[nother world, isn't it?

Here's to us.

:toast:

[TrogL]

8. I'm on the MPD side of the spectrum

[DemExpat]

11. Yes, I know what you mean here.

This is what conscious breathing does for me, and I trained in Zen Meditation for 3 years a while back which taught me the experience of "forcing" myself for a certain amount of time (Zazen meditation time) to be in the moment as much as possible, to let thoughts, feelings, sensations drift by, but not to latch onto them.....to keep gently drawing my attention back to "just being" in this moment.

Very "enlightening"... :-)

About the technique with arms and legs: this is funny because I have noticed that disassociation states are much alleviated after I take a bath or shower and shave my legs....:rofl:
Practical way for women to do this technique!
Fits into ideas about meditation not having to be a formal exercise sitting down - one can meditate while walking or doing the dishes.

:silly:

:hi:

DemEx

Barb

[EFerrari]

16. Wait -- I just read this -- shave your legs?

:rofl:

You're wonderful! Thanks, I needed that!

:)

[DemExpat]

17. - - - - - LOL....

glad this gave you a laugh as well....but it is true! :crazy:

:D:D:D

DemEx

[undergroundpanther]

9. I do

Alot. I can't remember what I do when the day is done. I am pretty fragmented. I have alot of dissociation. I got complex PSTD. I have had it for years.

I am kinda used to being dissociated.I have "alters"inside I think most people do too..but they just are unconsious of them and dissociatives are aware of them.To cope as an agreggate I have invented little tricks I/we can do to make sure to remember the important stuff I have to do and so don't hurt the body by accident when I can't feel it.

I rarely know the time or what day it is when I am asked. I have forgot my name and birthday(boy is that awkward)It's hard being half here and half somewhere else half of the time. When I get my tattoos worked on I do not feel pain at all. I simply leave the body.

Since I already dissociative I tend to space out by default so I use it sometimes when I can.. Since it happens quite a bit,I miss parts of conversation,and find myself floating around the ceiling and it's not always a choice on where my attention is ,like as I do while having tattoo work..
I see shifting patterns in an almost hallucinatory way in response to music or scents ,even before I had traumas this happened ..and I think the vividness of my senses is due to having synesthesia and dissociation effects together.

http://synaesthete.com/



Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself
(I am large, I contain multitudes).
Walt Whitman (1819-1892)
"Song of Myself", Part 51
Leaves of Grass, 1855

[DemExpat]

10. I had never heard of synaesthete....

very interesting.

I don't have this gift, but I certainly can imagine it, I also recognize it from poetry.

Maybe I do have it in some form, just have not discovered it yet or put a label on it. :think:

I think a person can be disassociative and highly sensitive - I certainly have both traits at times - but probably not at the same time. :crazy:

:hug:

DemEx

[Lilith Velkor]

12. I do

Whenever it happens to me, it's a sign that something is seriously wrong with my situation. The last time was a couple years ago when my activist group fell prey to a psycopath. One by one they got sucked into the groupthink, and it tore my heart out to lose what few friends I had, but I couldn't go along with their insane bullshit anymore.

I see dissociation as a protective function, like a firewall. It may be the very reason I've never gone totally psychotic. From a survival standpoint, it is better to be a little detached than it is to completely lose touch with reality.

[undergroundpanther]

13. YES

I was with a support group for GBLT people with Mental illness. I was on the board there for awhile.One time a pedophile (he was convicted so by law he had to say what he was)tried to become a member.I really had a bad time with that whole idea.And some of the more stupid and idealogical,but lacking common sense board members took awhile to"get" why this guy was not our peer and in fact would endanger the mental health of the entire group.I was really out of it while I waited and waited for the board to call the meeting. I didn't attend support group for a month because If I saw this guy I would be tempted to kill him knowing he was a pedophile. So in effect this criminal interfered with MY mental health and nobody noticed that.. I had nightmares during that time and all sorts of scary phenomena because I was scared to death for the group members and my safety ...while the other oblivious board members "decided" when to call a meeting on it..which really pissed me off because they should know a pedophile is DANGEROUS.Especially to a group that has a majority of abuse survivors in it.

Anyways the group did the right thing,the vote BANNED pedophiles and sex offenders from membership.
The stress of all that was horrid.

[Kire]

14. I do

I don't really have much to add about what it is or anything, just wanted to tell you that I'm here...and I go away sometimes.

[undergroundpanther]

15. I like the way you put that Kire

I'm here...and I go away sometimes.

[Deja Q]

18. Yes and no.

I'm still in my body, but I refuse to associate myself as being part of a society that wantonly hurts and abuses others.

But re: the autopilot thing, I do that often enough too. Usually in public; years' worth of PTSD broguht about by Asperger's ensured that.

[CoffeeCat]

19. Disassociation...

I have PTSD due to childhood trauma.

Four years ago, I began therapy to deal with my childhood. Because the therapy stoked so many awful memories--stuff I pushed aside and never dealt with until that point--I would often disassociate.

My therapist said it was a coping mechanism.

I actually learned to make friends with this state. In my case, I had honed the ability to disassociate, as a child. So, when I began processing my childhood pain--a protector part of me kicked in and put up a cloud of protection in my mind.

It was as if a part of me was shielding me, or giving me some anesthesia, because things became too stressful or intense.

I remember feeling totally "off the planet" one day. I felt as if I was half present and everything happening around me felt artificial or unreal. It's hard to describe. I called my therapist--totally freaked out--and she talked me down.

As I began to process the past, write about it, continue with therapy, talk about the pain and heal--the disassociation lessened and stopped. However, sometimes it creeps in. I'll lose a few seconds here and there--or I'll start to get more spacey. Then I know that a part of me wants to be heard (a very hurt part) and that hurt part is accompanied by another part who wants to protect.

I sometimes dialog with the protector (disassociate) part. I thank her for wanting to shield me and I tell her how amazing and resourceful she was and is. I honor her for helping me to zone out as a child--and I tell her that she is loved. Then I ask her to step back for a bit---and to realize that I can handle things now--that I am an adult now, and it's ok. I also assure her that she is still needed. Sometimes parts can panic, if they feel that they're no longer needed. I tell her that, since she's so adaptive and creative--that later on we'll do some painting or free-association thinking. Then, after she's agreed to step back, I ask the hurt part to come forward. Sometimes she tells me things...other times all she can do is cry and want to be held.

In my case, the dissociative part precedes other parts. If I begin dealing with the hurt--underlying the disassociation--that helps the disassociation to weaken.

Just thought I'd share some of my stuff. It may not fit with your experience, but I wanted you to know that I understand. I also think it's important to understand and appreciate disassociation. It can be quite scary and confusing. It's important to understand--that even if disassociation makes you feel out of control--that really, you are in control---you just need to understand how.

[DemExpat]

20. Very well said, TwoSparkles....

your experiences come very close to mine shaped through the years I spent in Primal Therapy (lots of regression) in the 80s.

I never did do Voice Dialogue, (sounds like the technique that you use to talk to your protector) but have read some about it and have met several people who have benefitted greatly from it.
The closest I came to using this very successfully is with challenging the overwhelming fears in panic disorder and phobias in situations where I stood up to and eventually dispelled them (in most cases...:-))

Describing dissociation as a protective mechanism for strong negative feelings is right on the button IMO. When I detect this state of sensations rising I always take my self, my consciousness, awareness or presence (don't know which word to choose here!) back down into my body by writing, taking a warm bath, or a fun walk in nature with my dog.

Thanks for sharing your view and experiences.

DemEx

[CoffeeCat]

21. Thanks for your thoughts DemExpat....

I like your methods of dealing with disassociation...taking a warm bath or going for a walk with your dog.

Those activities seem to bring us back to ourselves.

It's comforting to hear that you have gone through some intense therapy--and that you're doing well. I began therapy, for years ago, that involved lots of regression too. God, it was awful. I look back at that period of my life and I wonder how I made it through!

It sounds like you were very courageous in your therapy. You stood up to your fears and weakened your panic attacks and anxiety quite a bit. That must be one of the hardest things to do! I really commend you.

I feel fortunate to have benefited so well from talk therapy and from the latest psychotherapy techniques. My therapist used EMDR and we did a lot of regression. At one point, I wanted to speed up the healing and I was hypnotized twice. That was really enlightening. I'm very easily hypnotized. I guess people who disassociate with ease are also easy to hypnotize.

I wish you continued peace and strength. Thanks for sharing your stuff. It gives me hope!