I think I'm having anxiety attacks.

[politicat]

Situational anxiety, but still. (And no, I can't go into the situation much; it's related to the house fire we had in December.)

My heart races for no apparent reason, my chest gets tight, I'm very suddenly hyper-vigilant, and I alternate between chills and hot flashes.

I'm not sleeping, I'm not eating, and I alternately don't want to leave my house and don't want to be here, where I can be found. Sometimes it feels paranoid but then again, is it really paranoia if there truly are people seeking to do one harm?

I can't concentrate on anything except Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly; my short term memory is shot, I'm ear-worming all the time and I swear I feel like I'm losing what little is left of my mind.

I have to call my doctor tomorrow, but I am so scared she's just going to tell me to suck it up, that of course no one's out to convict me of something I didn't do (even though advancement in the police departments is performance (read: conviction) based, meaning that there is an economic incentive for cops to get as many convictions as possible - even if they're false convictions) and that I don't deserve care.

I've never felt this way before and it's making me crazy. I don't know what to do and I'm supposed to know... this is what they trained me for and I just don't know.

[mrgorth]

1. Deep breaths

Go to the dr. Go from there.

[Tab]

2. Sounds like them

No, the Dr. probably won't tell you to suck it up (if she does, get another doctor). Hopefully you'll get an anti-anxiety med you can pop when you feel that way. They make a hell of a difference.

[politicat]

3. Lots of drugs.

We'll see how much they help. We talked about a therapist, but since I a) know the routines - being a therapist and b) this is situational, there may not be a point in getting a therapist.

So we'll give Xanax, lexapro and ambien a chance to work and go from there.

[mrgorth]

4. Wow.

That seems like a lot just for situational anxiety.

[politicat]

5. I've had two nights of solid sleep, so I'm not complaining.

The Xanax is for when attacks show up, and the lexapro is to get the seratonin in my brain back up; when we talked and figured out that the only time I really felt normal was when I had the endorphin high from working out, that pretty much says that my brain chemistry is messed up (and may have been messed up before.)

Being a therapist, this seems reasonable. If nothing else, I have the ability to be a good judge of what normality feels like.

[EFerrari]

6. When under a great deal of stress, I seem to have the same

reaction. Not all the time: sometimes I'm preternaturally calm.

Remember that taking care of yourself trumps figuring out the "problem".

Remember that putting a frame around it makes it more manageable.

Remember that predicting the attacks can put you ahead of the "pain" or in this case, the anxiety and distress.

Remember that sometimes you can be your own best support and that sometimes you need another person to do that. :)

Short of childbirth, it's the most distressing thing I've ever experienced. Good luck and please bend some ears here when it helps.