Abandoned again :(

[Lilith Velkor]

I used to participate in a small egroup in which anything could be safely discussed. After seven years, I felt I'd gotten to know everybody reasonably well.

Apparently not. A few months ago, one member abruptly decided he wasn't a leftist anymore, so he started posting vicious personal attacks to me and then everyone else one by one, because they failed to denounce me. Now the group is pretty much over.

I'm so tired of shit like this. I wish I could have just one friend I could keep, but people need enemies in their lives, and I'm usually "it" because of my eccentricity and stubbornness.

I hate people. Nothing personal to anyone reading this, of course.

[Spider Jerusalem]

1. Yes, people generally suck.

I only have one REAL friend (but we've been friends over a decade now); most people I don't get very close to (being eccentric, introverted, and not really socially inclined anyway means I don't have too many relations with most people that get beyond the 'casual acquaintance' stage).

Sometimes it would be nice to not feel loneliness and to be able to get by without human contact at all, eh?

[Lilith Velkor]

2. Loneliness I can handle

It's the hate I feel that makes me uncomfortable.

I hate this fucker for triggering everyone's PTSD at a time when one of us didn't know if he had to go back to the army.

I hate my former so-called activist so-called friends and their numb looks of shock at finding out I'm not nuts and the NSA really was spying on us.

Sorry if I'm not making much sense, but...you know.

[Random_Australian]

3. I'm glad to say I never had been someone who

abandoned or attacked anyone, and I intend to keep it that way.

"People need enemies in their lives" - I never will.:hug: Post here anytime for unquailified support. I may not know you, or anything about you, but honestly, that won't stop me.:pals:

:hug::hug:

Edit: Spelling.

[Lilith Velkor]

4. Cool

Hope you never need to. :hug:

[Random_Australian]

5. Thankyou. May I complement you on your excellent hug?

Here's one back:
:hug:




;) :) :D

[shrike]

6. The way people treat you has more to do with them and their issues

than it does with you. A psychologist told me this a long time ago, and I've learned to live by it. Mostly because it's true.

There are advantages to being an emotional cactus, which is how I describe myself. I have lots of acquaintances, but only about three close relationships, including husband and sibling, and I like it that way. Don't really need much else.

[Lilith Velkor]

7. Yeah, it was amazing the group lasted as long as it did

...considering that it was two bipolars and four (including me) with PTSD.

The one guy had freaked out before, but never this bad, and he always came back after taking a week or so to cool off.

I like that term, "emotional cactus." Thanks.

[undergroundpanther]

11. Emotional cactus?

If you be a cactus..than damn I'm an emotional porcupine than,I will throw some sharp barbed quills and hurt'em good when the ass-clowns try to get at my vulnerable parts and tear me up for amusement or whatever reason empathetically dense people seem to compulsively do that shit for.
Sometimes being a cactus ain't enough it seems in my case.

It's so much like,when you warn such an ass-clown ahead of time that a bench has wet paint on it, they don't listen to ya and move on, No-oo they still gotta touch it,and than complain they got paint on their hands..likewise when I warn an ass-clown in some thread not to go there,or cross that boundary or else..they go there.Than complain that the got a face full of flaming barbs..Like I give a shit at that point.Sometimes the fount of care and consideration dries up.
And when it does,there is a reason and I ain't gonna place nice no more.geez..it amazes me how emotionally oblivious or hypocritical and hypocritical about being a hypocrite(this is hypocrisy squared) to their own sadism that people can be online.Maddening crazy-making bullshit it is.No good reason exists to put up with it at all.

[shrike]

12. heh. emotional porcupine

I like that.

I call myself "an emotional cactus" in that I don't need much emotional contact with people to be happy. I was referring to the fact that cactuses need very little water, not to the fact that they have thorns. But I like your analogy, anyway.

[mdmc]

8. i once heard a paul simon song

never been lonely, never been lied to, never had to scuttle in fear, nothing denied to..
... boy, that must be nice.

All I can say is hang in there. Courage!

[undergroundpanther]

9. I find people for the most part

socially to be idiots,one way or another the ass hangs out.. The lack of empathy and decency and respect I see as a general "atmosphere" blows my mind.I think it really IS true 1 in 4 people got a conduct disorder that significantly impairs the way they relate to others ..as in they're bullies.
All it takes is one fuckin bully assmunch to fuck up a decent group relationship.
That's why I never take them personal,I make clear boundaries and tolerate NOTHING outta them,I don't want.

Lillith I think you are cool in my book Furry purry hugs to you.

something you may find useful..or others here might..

http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page14.html

[Pharaoh]

10. yes lilith, people suck

Sounds like that guy was in the group for a reason though, as he has some definate issues,

don't take it too personally that other people are fucked up.

Actually, people like that show me that there are many people out there that are more fucked up than me!:party:

And of course here at DU , we have the ever usefull alert and ignore buttons>>>.:hippie:

[kiraboo]

13. Well it sounds to me like we'd get along fine.

I hate people too, except for those who are eccentric and stubborn. :hug:

[Tab]

14. Listen to yourself...

Lilith,

You wrote

one member abruptly decided he wasn't a leftist anymore, so he started posting vicious personal attacks to me and then everyone else

So, HE decided, and then posted against you AND everyone else.

Why did he post against everyone else? You explain:

because they failed to denounce me

Ah - so they stood up for you, and wouldn't join in? Sounds like everyone in the group, except for this one asshole who seems to have problems of his own, is on your side. That doesn't sound like abandonment. It sounds like you found out who your friends are, and were able to get rid of one asshole in your life. I'd say you're doing well!

It is true, though, that small groups are fragile, and sometimes events like these, if they are strident enough, can ruin a group, particularly if it's a group of people whose grouping power is tenuous at best. That part sucks. Maybe you can form the group with all these people that refused to go against you. But it doesn't sound like everyone abandoned you, it's more like that guy abandoned the group, and the group was so disgusted that they were happy to abandon the guy.

I think that you have proof that you DO have friends, rather than the opposite.

Best,

- t

[Lilith Velkor]

15. Please do not invalidate me

The group is now gone, over an issue related to the one that currently has DU in full freakout mode.

War drives people insane.

[Random_Australian]

16. At least this group is kinda calm.

I like that.

As for that exchange, well, I will just chalk it down to Tab wanting to say 'you have friends' and not having it come out right. :)

Now I think of it, given how many many problems this group gets, but how supportive we are, I sometimes think that this is the real DU and that the outside one is where the people who have the issues go. :)

You are damn right about war, sadly.

Why is it so easy to solve problems and so difficult to solve them? *sigh* the eternal troubles of the world.

[Lilith Velkor]

17. Tab is OK

This is just one of those times when I don't want to hear about how everything's gonna work out fine.

The nice thing about being a pessimist is that one is either right, or pleasantly surprised.

[Tab]

18. Lilith

I didn't mean to do that, and perhaps I worded it wrong. I know you feel that way. I just wanted to point out that if you look at it from another direction, as well as thinking the person being a jerk (which he obviously was) to also recognize that everyone else who knew you stood up for you and refused to go along with it. So, yeah, he was a jerk, but there are jerks, and he probably has his own set of problems.

Everyone else was on your side. That's a good thing.

It's unfortunate that something like this split the group, but sometimes this happens - groups, even large ones, are fragile things. It is regrettable, but it's not you - it was the one other person doing something divisive that pitted the group against him and then just got too emotionally heated for most people's taste. I know you feel affected by that person, and I'm sure that doesn't feel good, and you have every right in the world to be upset with him. But that said, there's affirmation in that incident about the respect you've earned from others that you might not have known about otherwise.

But I didn't mean to come off as insensitive, and apologize if I did so, and hope I'm not digging a further hole with this post. :)

I think the world is on your side. I also think that other person will leave a trail of destruction wherever he goes. Hopefully he will someday get the help he needs, and if he's lucky, he'll end up with the kind of friends that you already have, and earn their respect, as you have.

Best,

- Tab

[Name removed]

19. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Tab]

20. Ummm....

From what you described, that wasn't the reading I got.

Rather, they stood up for you, but for whatever reason, the group took a bad turn and they gave up on it.

Do you have anyone in the group that you contacted privately that is not talking to you? (aside from the jerk-guy)? Or did the group simply disintegrate?

[Name removed]

21. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Random_Australian]

22. Ok Tab, I am going to have to politely interject here.

I feel that if you drew the kind of reaction that gets the message deleted, you are causing the person considerable distress, and though it may not be understood why, I think that this could really cause pain to all concerned if it is not worked out.

1) From her above post, Lilith points out that she feels your take invalidates her viewpoint on events.

2) Your continuance of this, though with good intentions seems to have created a lot of stress and distress to Lilith... and well.. it just seems that...

Look what I am trying to say is that it looks like you two have had rather the falling out, that what you were saying has hurt Lilith and that the road to making things better probably starts, well, with an apology.

There I said it.

In here we must tread ever so lightly, ever so faintly, and I believe that this exchange is souring the trust that at least Lilith had in her ability to feel safe in this forum.

I just think that you have made her feel unsafe and that steps need taking to ensure harm is not permanent.

I am sorry if I have upset you. :(

I will gladly help any way I can. PM me if you need support, and please tell me if you think I am bieng too judgemental.

Cheers,
R_A.

[BigMama50]

23. I had a similar situation

on a mental health (bipolar) support board. One of the members (not bipolar) came in and got a following and milked it for about a year before being exposed for a fraud. By then she knew everybody's real address and we were all freaked.