Trauma: Get Over It/When to let go. How to heal.

[InkAddict]

http://www.utne.com/pub/2006_136/promo/12168-1.html

Every life has at least one crisis-an avalanche that reshapes its emotional landscape.

Torture manipulates the mechanisms in the brain and body in a way that results in trauma. And while it is an extreme act, unthinkable to most of us, the physiological effects can be virtually identical in people who face less dramatic situations.

It's tempting to think of posttraumatic growth and posttraumatic stress as two opposite ways of coping with a crisis. But the truth is more complicated than that. Some behaviors fit both conditions. For example, some friends of mine who lived through the Viola tornado told their story over and over again-they couldn't stop talking about it. Psychologists call this "rumination," and it has long been linked to depression. It's also linked to posttraumatic growth. "You can have high levels of PTSD and still have signs of growth," explains Ai.

Currently, doctors "pathologize" the victims of trauma, says Ai, as if the mental suffering that results from a sexual assault or a car crash were some kind of illness.



I found some hope in this article and perhaps those of you that I've come to see here will find its message useful as you go through your own particular darkness. Peace! :grouphug:

[DemExpat]

1. An excellent article IMO.

It mirrors and expresses many of my own life's experiences and my ideas about mental pain, trauma, coping, and healing.

Thanks, bookmarking this one,

DemEx

[EFerrari]

2. Bookmarking. Excellent article. I love the way rethinking how we

approach trauma can in itself be a gift. :)

[stepnw1f]

3. This Just Made Me Tear Up

Sigh... So it's called rumination.... This happens to me all day long. Some days I am less obsessed with the same negative thought... the years I have spent, the friends I have lost, the sorrow that I feel today because my depression won't leave me alone. I ask myself everyday what I did wrong to make me feel this way... or what didn't I do that needed to be done.

I every now and then feel the sunshine, and feel at peace with myself... but it is always short-lived.

Humbly,
Thank you for this post.

[Mike03]

4. The Past

I bookmarked this site because I can't print this article out, but thank you so much for posting this ray of light.

I was encouraged by my therapist to ruminate because it was supposed to make me better, but I don't think it did.

This month is literally the ten year anniversary of a mistake that destroyed me. Ten years, and I still can't recuperate. But this article seems to suggest that I have been taking the wrong approach, and that gives me hope.

[CoffeeCat]

5. I spent three year ruminating...

...and it was productive, healing and essential.

I was finally dealing with sexual abuse from my childhood--and I could not stop thinking about the
abuse, my anger, details about what happened, things that were said, my losses, the sorrow, my disgust, etc.

Looking back, I am proud of that time. My mind was ready to deal. That's why I thought about the
abuse and felt the emotions so much. I was finally strong--strong enough to handle the past. Ruminating
isn't about being weak or wallowing in pain. It's about stepping into pain, processing it and working
toward understanding and healing.

My mind eased up when it had released what it wanted. For so long, I buried the intense emotions. My
mind gladly carried the weight for a long time--but finally--my mind said, "You're strong enough now. You
can handle this, and frankly, I'm a bit tired. So, I'm going to release some of the pain from storage
and give it to you to process, so we can both let it go."

I got through it all by realizing that my intense pain/feelings were from the past. I allowed the sadness/anger/rage to move through me and experience them. It wasn't a picnic, and at times I felt like hell. It was definitely the scariest time in my life--worse than the abuse. I didn't do it perfectly either. I used
food to cope sometimes, and I'm still trying to break that coping mechanism. However, it was totally worth it.

In my estimation giving yourself permission to ruminate is essential. Society always wants people to "think
positive" and not "dwell on the past." Dealing with pain is not dwelling, nor is it negative. It's courageous and brave.

Peace and light to everyone who is dealing with heavy issues. :)

[DemExpat]

6. I agree, and think both are needed to move on - examining the past

as well as deciding to Move On.....

In my estimation giving yourself permission to ruminate is essential. Society always wants people to "think
positive" and not "dwell on the past." Dealing with pain is not dwelling, nor is it negative. It's courageous and brave.

I spent about 5 years in intensive psychotherapy which gave me great insight into my family dynamics as well as my own responses. Invaluable knowledge. But at the same time it felt sometimes as if I were losing any grip that I may have had on reality, creating a victim and illness label and stamp on everything in my life that I found very limiting and even distateful..... and this galvanized me to look past the past and to try to Live Now.

It all comes down to Balance, imho....

DemEx

[CoffeeCat]

10. You're so right...

Hi DemEx--

Delving into painful stuff can leave you feeling like you're losing it. I so understand that.

I often wondered...ok, how long do I have to do this? Is there an end to the muck? Are survivors EVER done processing? I remember reading in "A Courage to Heal" some encouraging words that kept me sane. The author said that most survivors--while they are processing the pain--feel as if it will never end and that therapy will destroy them, because it is so painful.

The author emphasized...it DOES end. It WILL end. And you will feel normal again. I hung onto that and it helped me to go to some scary places.

I agree with you though--each person has to find a good balance. Examining your past and dysfunctional family dynamics can take you to dark places. It's essential to balance the light and the dark--and it sounds like you've done a superb job of doing that. You sound very self aware.

Here's to living "in the now" and moving forward! Congratulations on all of the hard work you've done, and all of the insight you've gained. :)

[DemExpat]

13. Thanks for your most sweet and kind words, TwoSparkles.

I have certainly not reached the "end", and I am not sure that in life our problems and learning ever really do, but when delving deep into past and repressed feelings it really does feel like one is drowning and losing any hold on some sanity - at least if felt like this a lot for me in those years.
Yes, I have processed a lot, have found some balance, and have priceless insights into family dynamics and feelings, but I don't feel like I am totally healed and as healthy as I might have been!
I do now accept this as my lot and my life, and honestly, I love my life and would not have wanted to miss all that I have learned, and learned about love and joy, from all my experiences.

Hugs and very best wishes to you on your continuing journey,

:hug: :hug: :hug:

DemEx

[MuseRider]

7. It was essential for me.

I think we discussed this briefly before in another thread :hi:.

I am not perfect, I stopped when it got too painful but I really did not want to recall some of the memories I had put away. Maybe someday BUT the work I did was like yours and I no longer cry whenever my childhood is brought up and I can cope with life as an adult. It was so good to put that behind me.

It seems the finishing touch for me was to have someone recognize that PTSD and depression were the end result. The meds are helping me very much and at 52 I feel worthy to breath. Funny how that is. :crazy:

[CoffeeCat]

9. MuseRider...that's awesome...

Muserider, you sound so centered and at peace, in your post. I literally got goosebumps reading your post. ...happy for a survivor who is doing so well. :)

I now remember that we DID talk about this stuff in a previous post! I go in and out of peace/processing and sometimes I feel like I cycle through the same stuff repeatedly. I remember both of us sharing our similar processes and how painful the initial memory-recovery work was.

It sounds like we're in a similar place on the recovery road. About four years ago, I did lots of processing and the memories were pouring out of me. I feel as if I climbed 100 flights of stairs and now I'm on a landing--resting and soaking up life with a mind that is better rested.

Like you, I know there are more memories there. However, I know what happened and I really don't need to see further details. I sometimes wonder if having additional buried memories means that I'm not fully healed? I didn't chose to experience that first batch of memories, so will I experience an involuntary second round of memory processing?

Those are questions that hang in the back of my mind. However, the abuse is in the background and my "self" is in the foreground. Before therapy, my "self" was buried and I was a human cluster of coping mechanisms based on the abuse. That was beautiful how you described it... "I feel worthy to breath." That's so awesome. You've made great strides in your life and I applaud you for getting yourself to this point. It's hard work and you DID it! :)

Thanks for your thoughts. Hugs to you. :hug:

[DemExpat]

12. May I add recognition here as well...

That was beautiful how you described it... "I feel worthy to breath."

One of the last times that I experienced a looming full-blown panic attack while riding a city bus about 10 years ago, I made a conscious decision, out of a rebellious stance, to NOT fall into that trap again, that, Goddammit, I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE RIDING COMFORTABLY IN THIS BUS AMONG OTHER PEOPLE!!!!!!

I swear, this was a breakthrough moment for me, as, along with breathing techniques and Homeopathy as a support, I seem to have tamed the Panic Monster and can now do most of the things I want to do in public life comfortably and relatively calmly. :D

Feeling worthy to breathe....to BE....to take part - yes, I know this feeling and the absence of this feeling as well.

:hug:

DemEx

[MuseRider]

15. Now THAT speaks to me!

Dealing with the "Panic Monster" by being rebellious! Oh my does that ever speak to me. I am going to try that. Since I started on the meds I am so much better. I only take the anxiety med at night but I do still feel on the edge of panic sometimes during the days. So far breathing has helped but I love the idea of also rebelling my way through it. Perfect.

I am so glad it worked for you. Thanks, I doubt I would have thought of that and being rebellious is my life theme ;) so it is perfect.

[DemExpat]

16. Do try it, MuseRider.....

it is possible that this technique works well for us rebellious types!

:hippie: :silly: :hippie:

It was such a lightbulb and enlightening moment for me to discover the incredible power of my thoughts and intentions - that I DID have some power over my raging adrenaline and my bio-chemistry run amok - which is what panic attacks are all about!

:D

All the best, I am happy that you are feeling so much better.

DemEx

[MuseRider]

14. Back at you, that was an amazing account.

"A human cluster of coping mechanisms" I know exactly what you are saying. I am amazed I was able to have friends, get married (and stay that way) and raise a family considering it all.

The only good thing to come out of it all is that I knew what I would never ever do to my children and it made me a really thoughtful parent.

The last time my memories were stimulated was the last day that my brother was able to speak and we both knew he was very ill. He brought up stuff I had hidden away, we both tried to not talk about our childhood but this was important. It was awful but now I really wish we had talked about it all before, it might have helped us both. Now I am alone with whatever is locked up in my mind. I really hope it stays there. I don't need it. As hard as it is it seems to take knowing enough to be able to give up the fact that your childhood sucked in the meanest way and that is just the way it is.

Do you ever find yourself hearing about an awful situation and thinking to yourself that that isn't all that bad meanwhile everyone else is cringing and upset? That always worries me but there it is.

Yes we have survived. We are much stronger now than we would have been if we had not dealt with it. We should be proud because it is not easy and every day is a little threat that you learn to deal with. It is so good to be able to talk about this. Not many people really want to hear about it (for good reason) but, as it is with grief, it needs to get out. Thank you for being here and being so thoughtful about it all. It helps me a lot.

BIG hug :hug:

[stepnw1f]

8. Just a Hug

:hug:

[CoffeeCat]

11. Hugs back at ya...

:hug:

Thanks stepnw1f!

:)