Hey, I painted yesterday for four hours.

[EFerrari]

This may not be a good thing for Art or for civilization in general but it was a good indication to me that my brain has rebooted after three months of Stunned Troutedness.

In August, I remember thinking, I can't work on that canvas because my hand will shake. (And that, obviously, would have been IT for me. :shrug: )

I don't know exactly why I could paint yesterday and not last week. The deal for me has been to mind my diet and to exercise every day and to try and banish negative listing thoughts ("this bad thing, that bad thing, the next bad thing") and, that's it. Enough for me, anyway.

It felt pretty good to be able to be unguarded enough to get all my stuff out and just work for a few hours. No casualties so far then again, I'm not showing anywhere. :)

[shrike]

1. Sounds good

When I'm on a creative high I feel particularly connected to the universe. It's when my belief in God is strongest.
Sorry, not trying to offend you if you're a non-believer. But I think the creative experience does give you the feeling of being connected to something greater than yourself. Some artists have even said they have the feeling of "channeling" their work, or setting down work that was already out there but needed a form of expression.

[EFerrari]

2. "Channeling" is exactly what it feels like. I freaked out one of my

professors once by trying to describe it. She thought I was having some kind of delusion or something, lol, but I was only trying to describe what flow feels like.

It's funny because I can originate and I can edit (when writing, for example). And, those places are two different universes. One involves being open, having some part of my watchful brain shut down, and having some other (nonverbal?) part of the brain hum along. I usually have to go back and read what I've written because there is a funny kind of "not-knowing" to the whole experience, such that I really don't know what I've done until I go back and "look".

Joan Didion once said she writes to find out what she's thinking. :)

Families that deal with Borderline Personality Disorder (sorry to label but it's shorthand) also deal with a lot of drama and so, with a lot of defensiveness, imho. So it felt like a little bit of freedom to just be able to make a big mess quietly for a few hours.

:)

:grouphug:

[hedgehog]

3. I think your describing an aspect of depression that's very hard

to convey. It's not a matter of just feeling bad or sad. It's not being able to do the most simple or pleasurable things. It's great when the curtain lifts and you can finally breathe again.

What do you think of the theory that if SSRIs had been available years ago we would have missed out on great works of art and literature by people such as Van Gogh and Poe? I tend to think that if they had been well, they would have produced more.

[EFerrari]

4. My Dougala was never very productive when he was psychotic.

I tend to agree with you.