I'll try this again.

[progressoid]

I've tried to post this a couple times but...

I'll try to avoid most of the details and just get to the point.

How do I get my wife to see a doctor? She knows she has a problem, but refuses to see anyone.

Short story: She was fired two years ago. Add to that a mid-life crisis, peri-menopause, issues with her mother, weight gain, etc. You get the picture.

She says she can solve this herself, or says that doctors can't help and will just give her drugs. Ironically, she saw a therapist and a Psychiatrist about three years ago and was very positive about the experience. Now she thinks she can get better on her own, and dismisses the idea of outside help. I can't convince her that she is actually getting worse. Even her mother sees it (that alone is telling).

She's been suffering from depression (and maybe some other things) for a few years. At least that's what I think - I've been there a few times. I still have seasonal affective disorder. Frankly, I've been of little help because of my own problems. My doc retired a couple years ago and we have been without insurance for a while. I found a clinic at a local University that charges based on income. So, I've made an appt for myself but can't convince her to come.

As I type this I feel like a judgemental ass. I'm not trying to put blame or pressure on her, I just want her to get better. She deserves more than a life on the sofa.

I don't know what to do.

[EFerrari]

1. Hi! You don't sound like a judgemental ass to me.

Maybe bring it up to the person you see at the clinic? A LOT of people have trouble either seeing or believing that they can get some help and support that will make their lives better. Maybe your therapist can make some suggestions?

:hi:

[progressoid]

4. Yeah, I was kind of thinking about that as well. Thanks! nt

[hunter]

2. I'm sorry, I wish I knew.

I've been your wife, and what I suffer comes with a heavy package of stubborness, pig-headedness, and parnoia.

How about couples therapy, even if that's not what you think it's about?

Even if she doesn't go at first herself, you can come back home with some enthusiasm, breaking the ice. Maybe she'll go if she thinks it's about you, not her. It's not at all deceptive because it is about you in the sense that you are trying to figure out how to continue living with her.

But there have been too many times in my life where things had to get completely shit awful before I ended up in the right place. I'm the kind of guy who ends up living in his car, estranged from everyone. As a young man, mostly attending college, I lived out of a P.O. Box for six years because I couldn't ever find a stable living situation. If I didn't have any place to live at the moment, I'd simply work in the computer lab all night, and sleep in the university library or out on the lawn in the day. I'd shower in the gym and nobody knew I was basically homeless.

[progressoid]

5. Interesting.

Couples therapy has actually crossed my mind more than a few times. In fact, I brought it up last summer but the suggestion fell on deaf ears. And I feel like we haven't really made any progress since then (either individually or as a couple).

What you describe of yourself sounds like a little bit of of my wife and I combined. Perhaps, as you say, I can break the ice. Thanks.

[flamingyouth]

3. Hi progressoid.

You don't sound judgmental at all to me. You sound like someone who really loves and cares deeply about his wife. I wish I had some good advice. I'm currently dealing with a similar problem with my dad.

Maybe try a small intervention with you and her mom talking to her together?

I know this is very hard, especially when you have your own personal issues. I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you all the best. :hug:

[progressoid]

6. Not her mother but maybe her sister...

there are issues she has with her mother that would just make this worse I'm afraid. In fact, her mother suggested something like this but I didn't have the heart to tell her that she's would only make it worse.

I could, however, get some help from her sister!

Thanks for the hug...I feel better already.

[Nimrod2005]

7. Here it is:

The best and most effective way to deal with this is to get YOURSELF to where you can deal with the situation...I am thinking you may benefit from seeing someone to sort this out in your own head first. Once, you so this, she will see the benefit in seeing the doc herself.