hate to use the 80's term co- dependant but.......

[jdots]

I think i figured out how it happens,now after 25 years of it never getting any better i realize that it may best to walk away from a marriage and someone i really love.I would likw to straighten it out but You people who have been devorced probably have more wisdom about this so i am asking you total strangers to bear with my lack of english skills while i tug on your coats with this one.
When My wife and i met i was sort of broken by coming to L.A. and not being able to score a band that was going anywhere or get studio work etc.I had become a small fish in a huge mean pond.We started off as me the looser,partner as winner,she is 9 years younger and had that hope where i had lost some along the way. So this co-dependant stuff may be about a couple starting off that way and getting used to it like a bad habit.
It's sad but i want to not be the looser,the one with the temper
problem and all the rest of the little deal that takes over lives.
Both of us deserve better and it's odd that we fell into this trap because we should be above it.
It must hurt to admit to defeat when love is supposed to conquere all.

[DemExpat]

1. Well, I happen to feel that everyone is to some degree

co-dependent.

Sometimes I see my relationship with my husband as really unhealthy and stuck in negative patterns - which it IS in some respects.
Other times I see it as soul mates together slugging it out in the world and in this life as best we can. Then it doesn't look so "bad".

We have helped each other survive through some tough times, and that is good.

What we cannot seem to do is to sit down and make decisions and goals together, and THIS makes the relationship seem stagnant and leading "nowhere"....

Need some of Dr. Phil's no nonsense tips to get us on a better track, I guess....lol!

Our 2 children are leaving home - it is time as they are 21 and 23 now, but this will open a new chapter in our relationship,
with outcome unknown! :-)

I am quite sure that at the end of my life I will see his companionship and our struggles as a positive learning experience, and I feel he sees it the same way.

But that urge to walk away.....I know this very well.

:hi:

DemEx

[jdots]

2. This is scary we have 2 girls/women ages 20 & 23

The stuff of this familly is like a mini series,the lifes and deaths the mid life crazys were crappy because I am 9 years older than my wife which is no big deal but sometimes you can drive a semi through that gap,wish we could have experienced that at the same time.I am kind of talking myself out of this union which is what people do,my soul says no but my mind says yes end it.
So much of all our depression is situational,we have a choice to be happy little germans or get very worried right now.It sure would be nice to tell people we love that we can all go through this together.but wowwy zowwy all of us are so scared shitless right now .All the answers are Dr. Phil simplistic but us dorky humans seem to be complex,stuborn and romantic than we can deal with.
Thanks so much for replying. peace,love & understanding

[DemExpat]

4. So we are at about the same crossroads....

:hi:


my soul says no but my mind says yes end it

Your heart probably says something different each moment, right?

And I agree, it is the fear and uncertainty that often drives us to look elsewhere for some happiness....

Is THAT all there is??????? IS this all I deserve???????
But what about THAT ecstasy I am missing out on?????????

Sometimes instead of expanding our view we need to look closer and simply address the issues at hand.

It DOES sound so simple, I believe that it actually IS that simple, but it is hard to do.....:crazy:

:hug:

DemEx

[Droopy]

3. Sorry to hear about that, jdots

I've never been married, but I've seen my parent's marriage dissolve. I watched my mom hang in there long after it was over. She tried her very best to fix things.

I guess the moral to the story is to try your best to make it work, but don't lose too much of your life to it if it looks like it's going nowhere. It's very sad to see a relationship come to an end.