Loneliness

[Droopy]

Ever look forward to going to work so that you would have the company of your co-workers? Have you ever gone to a restaurant to eat instead of eating at home so that you would be around people? That probably sounds pathetic, but it's the situation I'm in now. I have such a hard time meeting new people and making new friends that I've ended up leading a somewhat solitary lifestyle. I've tried looking into social groups around where I live, but I haven't found anything that will fit into my schedule. I work from 4pm to 2am. I tried starting a social group with an ad on craigslist, but nothing has come of it.

How do you deal with loneliness? I mean aside from prostitutes and dope. :)

[DemExpat]

1. If you are in a city or large town you could perhaps look into

a form of volunteer work for a few hours a week in the afternoon before work - something involving group activity/action. Or visiting in nursing homes/hospitals? Something appealing to you that would get you in contact and into relationships with others.
This might not specifically or directly help out with finding friends or a partner, but you never know, its by getting out in the world that you have a change of meeting someone IMO.

:hug:

DemEx

[Droopy]

3. I've thought of volunteering

But I was unable to find anything in my area that suited me. It seems like folks around here are pretty picky about who they want for a voluinteer. A lot of them want college students for internships and stuff like that. But I'll give it another search. Ain't like I'm doing anything better right now I guess.

[TZ]

2. I'm kind of lonely but I also feel uncomfortable with people

at times. I prefer the company of my cats, to be honest. Unconditional love from pets..you can't beat it if you ask me. Just last night both my cats were curled up next to me under the covers. I realize your lifestyle may not permit animals, but believe me pets can be very comforting
FYI- the thought of something hurting my cats is one of the few things that will provoke an emotional response in me these days.

[Droopy]

4. I would love to have a cat

And I think they can take care of themselves for a long period of time without me to look after them, like when I'm at work. Unfortunately, I live in a very small condo and I don't have a suitable place for a litter box. A dog is out of the question. I wouldn't be able to give a dog the kind of attention that they need.

[AZBlue]

7. Fish? Gerbil? Hamster?

Any pet has its benefits.

Also - have you tried meetup.com? I've found a HUGE variety of groups on there - for depression, for shared interests...anything you can think of. You could try starting one for those who work the 2nd shift - that way you'd all have similar schedules.

[hedgehog]

5. I understand your situation.

Onc Iwas out of high school, I didn't really know how to meet people. I'm married to a wonderful man, but I don't really know anyone that well. For me, the hardest part is feeling ashamed at not having a group of close friends.

[Larissa238]

6. I understand.

Sometimes it's hard when you live on your own and there is nobody. Even when I was in school I felt isolated. I am aware of how I am different from some people, and I don't like it. Then there are times when I want to be around other people because I just miss human contact, or I want to be somewhere other than home (I do live with another person now, but the borderline makes me feel lonely even when there are people near me).

As for pets, can you get a small fishbowl and have some little fish? Goldfish and betas are pretty to watch, don't take up much space, and easy to take care of. It's calming for me to watch my fish.

:hug:

and I second the volunteer thing. Maybe find a nursing home? Helping to make other people feel better always makes me feel better. :)

[Lorien]

8. I did really look forward to work when I worked at a film studio

which is now closed. Now I'm self employed and work at home. I live for phone calls from clients, which are sometimes the only calls I get all week. I spend too much time on DU out of loneliness . I also have cats, and they give me quite a bit of comfort. When I was down to one cat and he had to spend the night at the vet's the house was unbearably empty, so I know that I can't go pet free. I also have a relationship that I'm rather ashamed of; a man in my life who is both abusive and not single. I see him infrequently-and sometimes go for weeks without actually seeing him at all, just talking to him on the phone. I've been trying to get out of it, but it's been difficult for a number of reasons. He's not a good man, but like anyone, he's not entirely bad either. I'm certainly not in love with him, nor do I think that he cares for me in that way. He tries as best he can to be a decent friend, but it's not something that he excels at. He is the illusion of a companion and really nothing more.

I have a network of friends but they are spread all over the country. I rarely have face to face time with anyone. The thing is, we all need physical contact with other human beings-even just a hug. I remember I once went for four months without any face to face time with anyone other than a store clerk. I was driving down a toll road and stopped at a toll booth. I gave the young African American kid a dollar, and when he gave me my change the side of his hand brushed the inside of my palm. It was such a shock to my system that I burst into tears soon after pulling away from the toll booth. I realized that we can't remain islands unto ourselves forever-it just isn't good for our state of mental health. It was soon after that brief encounter that I got involved in the wrong relationship. I wish that I had some sage advice, but I'm searching as much as you are.

The groups I've joined are interested in achieving goals, not forming friendships.I think this is all symptomatic of our consumer culture; something is "good" if it leads to a tangible thing. People and relationships aren't valued because they take our time away from our work. Ken Burns is right; we live in a time where there exists a poverty of spirit. We don't connect, and I think that there are far more people like you and I then anyone out there cares to admit.

[CoffeeCat]

9. Have you thought about taking a class?

What about signing up for a class at a local college, university or community college?

You're here at DU, so you're interested in politics and the world. Maybe you could take
a political science class that is known for stimulating discussing.

You might not find a best friend there, but you would be around people and on a campus--which
is always interesting. Who knows, you might find friends or others who feel just as you do.

Wouldn't that be nice...real life DUers to commiserate with!