how would you tell someone?

[mopinko]

i ran into a friend yesterday. not someone i am very close to, but someone who i like a lot, think a lot of. last time i talked to him, we discussed my daughter, and he confided that he was bp as well. he said that he felt he had finally gotten a grip, accepted his illness and was doing well. (this was a few months ago.)
well, i bumped into him yesterday, and he is FLYING! i suspect that his close friends know. and i presume they have tried to tell him. would it help or hurt for someone a little less close to tell him?
argh i feel so helpless. another friend is battling an alcohol problem. why, oh why, can't i clone myself?

[DemExpat]

1. One of my best friends is BP but now seems to have found

her balance after quite some years. In her manic phases she was intolerable to be around, but she would not listen - or could not take any advice in - so I don't really have an answer for you here mopinko.

In my friend's case I think it did help to let her know after she came down what her effect on us and her family was, but when she was flying she was truly deaf to any words on this.

DemEx

[mdmc]

2. "Hey, hows it goin? Yeah, yeah. Listen, not for nothing, but you seem

a little symptomatic today..."

See how it goes from there...

I find that one can broach a subject without coming down on someone like a ton of bricks.

Let me know if this approach works.

Peace and low stress...

[mopinko]

3. symptomatic. what a great way to put it.

i will have to track him down next week, after my show is over. i just hope he is not spending a lot of money. he was talking about a business idea that is way out of the realm of the possible. sigh.
thanks for that advice. i think it might be a good tack.

[mdmc]

4. Think of it in terms of checks and balances.

The director of a local service org is / has OCD (not sure of any other diagnosis). When he "goes off" his wife uses this term (symptomatic) to "check" his behavior. When she uses this term it forced him to evaluate if his idea is brilliant, or if his symptoms are getting the best of him. He has strong supports (outside of his wife and family) that he can bounce ideas off of and gain insight.

The trick is to do it in a way that offers the person a chance to reflect.

[mdmc]

5. ps-

It helps if you already have an honest relationship with the person.
I forgot to mention that it would be better to broach the subject (symptoms / symptomatic) when the symptoms are not really an issue. That way you can say, "Listen my friend. You seem okay right now, but sometimes it seems that your symptoms take over. Would it be okay for me to tell you when I think you are symptomatic?"

[mopinko]

6. he told me he was bp when he was feeling well.

i told him that i needed a lot of sleep, and he said he did, too. as a side effect of his meds. he told me he was bp, and we talked about my bp daughter, and his struggles. he said he had decided that he just had to stick to his meds, give up those highs, and stay stable. then i saw him the other day and he was so flying. i just don't want him to spend money he doesn't have. and of course, i don't want him to crash into a brick wall. i will talk to his friend who he said was in this business deal with him. he has helped the guy stay steady for a few years, and i think he might be backed into the corner with him. i dunno.
just seems like people are falling apart around me. another friend is going into rehab for alcohol. and then there is my kids...........

[mdmc]

7. do what you can my friend

Help yourself and those around you as much as you can, but also remember that we are all human and have limitations.

Keep your battery charged and hope for the best.

Peace and low stress.