How hard is it to take a medical power of attorney away from Mom, who seems to have dementia?

[Liberty Belle]

I desperately need help.

Dad has Alzheimer's and is in a nursing home. Mom has his power of attorney but is making irrational decisions that I believe are harmful to his mental and physical well being.

She is showing clear signs of dementia. She is easily confused, forgets simple things, lost her car and couldn't remember how it got several blocks away, etc. She is becoming more and more irrational and has become obsessed with being in control even though that means making bad decisions that are hurtful to Dad and the rest of the family (such as insisting nobody can take him out of the home for outings or even Thanksgiving dinner, and recently, switching doctors to find one at the nursing home who would drug Dad up on psych drugs that are harmful for his particular form of dementia, Lewy Body syndrome), insisting that he be tied down to the wheelchair even though he can walk, shouting at anyone who disagrees and most recently, hitting and punching me when I summoned a physical therapist to help Dad get up and walk.

She has a bladder or kidney infection that went on for two weeks before she would allow an Urgent Care center to treat her. She refuses to see her regular doctor because he is insisting she get a full physical, and I think she's afraid he will report on her mental issues. Her mother had Alzheimer's, too. During the last doctor visit, she was rude to me in front of the doctor, raising her voice, interrupting, and saying things clearly not true (ie, Dad can't walk; he did, in front of the doctor).

She has ordered the doctors not to talk to me or other families members, invoking her power of attorney. The nursing home doctor won't return calls. Today Mom ordered me and my husband not to visit Dad anymore. It's obvious something has to be done to protect Dad from her obsessive over-protectiveness. She is afraid he will fall. In fact, the only flal he's had was untying himself and climbing out of the wheelchair she insists he stay in, when he doesn't want to and is perfectly capable of walking. I am scared he will flip over the whole wheelchair next, or that the home will force us to transfer him someplace worse because Mom is so difficult but makes the nurses think the problem is that Dad gets "wild." He is not. He just wants to get up, exercise, go to the bathroom, perfectly normal activities.

Dad says he wants to kill himself because he hates being in the nursing home. That was AFTER they put him on Zoloft, which makes him worse and more confused mentally. Now Mom's got him on tranquilzers too, even though they are dangerous for his condition.

I want so much to take him out for regular visits to my house, to get ice cream, etc. My husband and I feel comfortable handling him physically and mentally for short visits, but can't be full time caregivers as we have a 3-story home, a large dog, and both work outside the home long hours.

I don't have money for a costly court battle, as I'm supporting two kids in college.

I want to get her medical power of attorney taken away, or at least get some official intervention to help Dad, and make sure we can visit and get him away from that place for short outings.

If anyone has any ideas on where I can turn for help, please post here or better yet, email me at [e-mail]. I would also like to know anyplace I can file complaints to get this officially on record.

Mom needs help, too, and that's a whole different story, but she refuses to allow any doctor near her other than for the bladder infection.

Thanks.

[mopinko]

1. here in chicago we have

a good public guardian that handles these kinds of things. i just googled san diego's but the web site is not loading. they are under the county government. not sure if they can help you, but they should be able to point you in the right direction.
sorry that you are in this situation. it is so difficult. hope you can straighten things out. let us know how it goes.

[Liberty Belle]

2. Thank you, I will call County Medical Services and see if they can help.

[mopinko]

3. website still not loading

must be dead or something. this is the only concrete thing i found. i don't think it is in the health dept. here i think it is under the attorney general


Terms of Use
San Diego County Public Administrator Public Guardian
San Diego, CA 92101
[phone]

let us know.

[mdmc]

4. not sure my friend

perhaps your local mental hygiene legal assistance field office can help.

Peace and low stress my friend. Hope it all works out...

[grasswire]

5. aren't there protections for elder abuse?

I'm sure your situation is not unique, and I'm sure that once you are able to find the right agency, you'll find some sympathetic help. Sad, isn't it? My heart goes out to families in this kind of stress. Take good care of yourself.

[Quakerfriend]

6. I'm so sorry for what you are going thru, Liberty Belle. First of

all, I must tell you that often times when an elderly individual has a urinary tract infection they can experience significant changes in their mental status. This might explain some of your
mom's recent behavior. Also, she may have a 'chronic' UTI- not uncommon in the elderly, particularly if the individual has even mild glucose intolerance- again quite common as we get older.

On another note, it is AGAINST THE LAW to restrain anyone in a wheel chair- even if for the sole purpose of preventing them from falling or wandering off, for example.

Completely and utterly AGAINST THE LAW. I work in long term care, and this law can sometimes work against the patients. But, nonetheless, it is now the law.

With regards to your POA issues there are several things you could try. I know that just last year, in the state of PA, a law was passed allowing an individual's attorney (your Dad's in this case) to intervene on their behalf to protect them from being mistreated or from being taken advantage of financially, WITHOUT their express consent or, in your case, the ability to make decisions with mental clarity. But, I must warn you, it is tough to get a lawyer to do this. Atleast, it was in my mother's case.

Luckily, with my mother, we were able in one of hear, clear calm moments to convince her to let us help her and sign over POA. If this does not work, you can also try to speak to the social worker who takes care of your dad. She may not talk though since your mom has sent out the word that you cannot have anything to do with Dad.


My sisters and I went through doctors, the Office for the Aging, state and local judges, police, private detectives,the Dept. of Motor Vehicles, and you name it- to protect my mother from herself and the creeps who tried to take advantage of her. In the end, our local police were the ONLY ones who showed any real caring. They went way above and beyond to help- even calling me daily to check up on mom.

Anyway, good luck to you. Please, let us know how it all works out for you.;-)

[Critters2]

7. Find out if your state has a senior's ombudsman.

This person should be able to help with this. In Illinois, the best way to get this information is to go to a community seniors center. Most communities, even tiny towns, have these. Some have good professional staff, maybe even with a counselor on site. Others have volunteers who will have all the appropriate phone numbers and can point you in the right direction.

So, go to the nearest community seniors center.