accepting my humanity, my human-ness, my weakness

[fizzgig]

i know that i'm not perfect, that none of us are, and yet i've always felt i've had to be. i have a hard time dealing with even the littlest mistakes, i feel like i can't even let myself make them.

when i do, you'd think i'd just strapped an innocent man to an electric chair and flipped the switch the way i react.

i beat myself up. relentlessly.

i worry at it, turning it over and over in my mind to the point of near obsession.

i know it's ok, i know it's part of being human and the world won't end

but i don't know how to stop

[DemExpat]

1. Yes, many of us deal with this difficulty.

I learned in psychotherapy how these thought patterns entered and stuck in my life. This can arise from interpersonal relationships at a very early age.

I realize that in a bigger picture, in this modern, interconnected world, anything and all that I do - in consumer and lifestyle choices - will possibly have some very negative, as well as possible positive effect on the world and other people.
I have decided not to constantly beat myself up about the possible and even likely negatives, and to do what I can to find balance between my needs, comfort and pleasure and being conscious of the impact of my choices.

Affirmations can sometimes help to "de-program" the programing of negative thoughts about ourselves and our choices/"mistakes". This book which I read and used in the 80's, introduced me to this powerful technique. "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain.
http://www.shaktigawain.com/booksandmore_title.php?ISBN=1-57731-229-5

I used it to be better able to accept and love myself despite the more negative early programming. It can feel silly and uncomfortable reading positive affirmations and doing them ourselves, but this is just the resistance at work IMO! It slowly crumbles with practice.

There are many other books and sites. If interested, Google around and look in bookstores for something that might appeal to you.

NLP is also a form of re-training our thoughts....
http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/negative_selftalk_nlp1.htm

All the best,

DemEx

[qb]

2. Unconditional Self-Acceptance

is the centerpiece of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT). I have been working on this with my therapist and it has helped me a lot. The goal is to identify your "irrational beliefs" (such as "I am not allowed to make mistakes") that lead to unhealthy emotions and behaviors. You then use rational arguments to dispute these beliefs and affirm that it's ok to be fallible. I guess this is kind of the flip-side, and a nice complement, to positive affirmations.

Here's a great self-evaluation / self-help site my therapist had me try out:

http://www.rational.org.nz/public/BeliefsQuestionnaire/welcome1.htm

You can also check your library for books by Albert Ellis.

[Ellen Forradalom]

3. Isn't it amazing

how we accept and even love the flaws in others but can't admit flaws or weakness in ourselves?

I keep telling myself that perfection has a price too high for me to pay.

[laylah]

4. We discussed this

before...you were born an old soul, add Daddy and his quest for perfection to the formula, the fact you always had to have "educational" toys (no clothes pins, wooden spoons, pots and pans for HIS daughter, although I broght them out when he was gone :P ), I was never allowed to "kootchy koo" with you and could only speak to you like an adult, you HAD to get straight A's, so on and so forth. I am not blaming your Dad, and I know you aren't either, however; you got the message at a very young age that nothing less than perfection would do. Well, as your MaMa, I am here to give you "permission" to be the flawed human bean that I love so very much. What's more important tho', is that you give yourself permission.

I don't know if you remember or not but I used to put sticky notes up all over the house with affirmations on them. Try that, it worked for me, but then, that is another story :silly:

I love my girl :loveya: