i don't know where else to go with this...i feel safe here

[fizzgig]

i feel like i'm trying to take on too much emotionally right now. my boyfriend's baffled anger at why his boss doesn't respect him the way he should. why they don't give him the position he feels he deserves (and i feel he deserves, but i'm biased here). the fact that my roommate might get fired tomorrow.

i'm trying. i'm trying so hard right now to understand how they're feeling, but i'm battling my own shit right now. i'm trying to ensure that i will get my meds (i have no insurance and that's a goddamn frightening thing), that i can maintain the life i have, that i can get up in the morning and go through another day. i'm so discouraged right now because i can't find a job and i don't want to run out my unemployment, which is just about the only safety net i have right now. who on earth is going to hire me for a front desk position with my education and experience?

right now, aside from finding a job, my biggest challenge is getting through the pile of laundry, both left over from the move and what we've accumulated over the past two weeks. i had enough in me to get it started, but not to hang up the load of delicates or put the other load in the dryer.

i am having a hard time of letting go, of letting it roll off me. i want the core of my life to be okay. i don't want to worry about whether the whole of the rent will be covered in two weeks. i don't want to stress over whether i will find a job before my unemployment runs out. i want my boyfriend to be happy. i want both he and my roommate to feel secure. if they both had those, i would feel better

the weather is not helping. i like the fact that it's been raining and that it's cooler than it should be this time of year, but it's also making me lonely. it's making me sad, to be honest. i sit home, restless, trying to fill the time before my boyfriend comes home. i've been reading a lot, but it's not been enough to fill the time.

i am okay, i really am. at the core of things, i am happy. i am happier than i have been in a very long time, but i just want tomorrow to be easier.

[qb]

1. Taking care of someone else's feelings is exhausting. Take care of yourself...

offer supportive words to your bf & roommate but take care of yourself.
:hug:

[fizzgig]

2. i'm getting better about taking care of myself

there have been a lot of bubble baths recently and i've been splurging on good coffee.

it's been a bit harder the past few days because things went from bad to worse...my roommate got fired and my boyfriend is worried (more like depressed and grieving, actually) that he'll never be able to play his bass or guitar again because of an injury at work.

:hug:

[mopinko]

3. bubble baths are good.

i had to move home for a while after i divorced by first husband, and i spent a lot of time in the tub. don't know if you have ever seen the comic "sylvia" but she rules her world from the tub.

hope the bf makes a full recovery. it seems like they can fix anything these days. i have a spine problem that hosed up my right arm and hand for a while, and it was really tough. my right hand means a whole, freakin' lot to me. it was hard. pretty good now, tho. thanks to a good surgeon.

one more time- take care of yourself, FIRST.

[Cabcere]

4. Hey kagehime

I know I'm kind of late getting in on this, but I just saw this thread and wanted to let you know that I'm sending good vibes your way. :hug: You have always been such a sweet person to me (and everyone else) on the boards, and I really do hope things start looking up for you and your loved ones. :pals: Peace.

[fizzgig]

5. hey sweetie

i've missed seeing you around. how've you been doing lately?

things have gotten a bit better around here of late and my house isn't the pit of despair it was previously, but we still have our moments.

thank you for your thoughts :hug:

[undergroundpanther]

6. I wish the rat race would stop.

I wish the job seeking,finding,losing,round we go,game would cease,and all of us could have stable cores to our lives,we all deserve it,not just rich psychopaths. We all deserve to have a stable as possible healthy happy life,the necessities of life assured us,a degree of comfort and security and joy,wasn't that mutual supporting of each other and sharing the wealth created by all our skills put together with each other part of the reason we became"civilized" to begin with??.None of us asked to be here yet we are paying for every second we exist,giving what we cannot spare to some company or boss or someone else who is better off than we are. I hate it.This lie we all are conditioned to think we have to live this way and there is no way out of it..