I'm sinking into a really bad depressive phase

[Connonym]

About 6 weeks ago I switched antidepressants to a new one called Pristiq. As the old antidepressant (Prozac) has cleared my system I'm noticing that I'm sinking deeper and deeper into despair. My psychiatrist has been on vacation and I'm seeing him next week but in the meantime I'm having a really hard time carrying on. Work is suffering, I'm finding myself not caring about anything, not enjoying anything, sleeping constantly when I can and generally feeling like I want to just opt out on participating in life. I'm really scared because it's never been quite this bad before.

To make matters worse, I'm having a very difficult time financially. I had a steep drop in income over the past couple of years and I lost my house to foreclosure earlier this year. Every month my checking account ends up overdrawn. I spent some time as an inpatient at the hospital and not only lost income but now I've got some rather large (like about 4 months' worth of pay) hospital bills and they're threatening to fire me from my psychiatrist if I don't pay up. I feel like I don't have anyone in my real life that I can go to for support. My family is going through a lot of stressors with my mom recently being in a car accident and my older brother in the throes of a meth addiction. I don't feel I can burden them with my worries and I don't want to impose on my friends.

I've tried every freaking antidepressant out there over the past 25 years and I've either not gotten any benefit or the benefits wear off after time. The hospital psychiatrist suggested ECT but I'm afraid of losing memory (I'm already struggling with the depression causing inability to focus and memory loss). My personal psychiatrist says he feels this is not effective and he recommended investigating implanted vagus nerve stimulation (which the hospital psychiatrist claims is bullshit). I don't know anyone who has had either. I feel lost and hopeless and helpless.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this except I'm scared that I'm never going to get better. I'm not looking for advice (although if you have experience with ECT or VNS I would love to hear your story) but maybe a little reassurance, maybe some success stories to help me believe that healing or remission is possible. Am I doomed to feel this way forever?

[blueraven95]

1. hang in there

:hug:

I'm sending good thoughts your way. I know how tough it is to deal with the side effects of depression - like huge bills - and I think it's not fair that we as a society pile on all of these stresses for someone who is already depressed to deal with, either while they are still sick or as they are recovering.

I'm hoping things get better for you soon.

[elleng]

2. I will be thinking of you, Connonym,

forever; I'm with you.

[Droopy]

3. I understand where you are coming from

I've had 3 hospitalizations for mental illness and that's run me about $6000 total even though I had insurance. It was about $30,000 before my insurance paid their share. Stories like yours are why we desperately need a national health care program. It's not fair for people to be driven to bankruptcy over a health problem.

You say you'd like success stories. Well, I'm probably the craziest person on DU and I'm doing well these days. I still have a few things that I need to sort out, but I no longer hear voices and think people can read my mind. I no longer feel like I'm the lowest form of life on the face of the earth and that I'm some unevolved remnant from a time before man learned how to make fire. I no longer feel like I'm the only person on the planet that is holding everyone back from some kind of nirvana or utopia and everyone is just too saintly to kill me and get on with life.

Now days I just suffer from low self confidence, but I think that's understandable considering that I went through ten years of what I described in the previous paragraph. Perseverance, baby. I take some heavy duty meds now days, but I'm happy. PM me if you want to know more about my story. I wrote a 5000 word essay about it and I'll be happy to forward it to you if you supply me with an e-mail address. And always feel free to send me a pm here for any reason. I'm not on here every day, but if you send me a message it won't take too long for me to get back to you.

[mdmc]

5. thanks for checking in droops

peace and low stress

[LiberalEsto]

4. It sounds like a lot of issues piling up on you

and I think anyone would have some level of depression because of what you're going through. I wish you the best in getting better. I've had depression for many years and it sucks.

Is any doctor covering for your psychiatrist while he's on vacation? Can they prescribe something temporary for you?

Is there a county mental health association that can get you to a social worker who can help you through the bill issues?

This may seem like too much when you're depressed, but can you get outside and get some sunlight? It helps me. Also, what about taking a short walk?

I know when I'm depressed I don't feel like doing a damn thing except curling up under the covers. But maybe if you try just one of these steps, you'll feel like you've accomplished something, and then feel ready to try another.

Sorry for piling on the advice. Remember that we DUers are here for you.

[Tab]

6. Hold on

It is a situation that easily lends itself to depression, that's for sure.

As you undoubtedly know, finding the right anti-dep takes time - the problem is that it takes weeks to ramp up, and then you have to see if there are side effects, and then you may have to fiddle with the dosage, only to either find out it won't cut it or that it does, but it is a long, long process. Weeks to ramp, and weeks more to fiddle with the dosage, and then you may have to start all over again.

Hang in - maybe you can find another doctor temporarily and tell them what you've been on and see if they can suggest something - either a higher dose of something you're on, or something you haven't tried, or a higher dose of something you previously gave up on.

It's not easy. Our thoughts are with you.