I really think I'm better off being alone.

[TZ]

I know I haven't posted here for awhile but some of you might have remembered my family issues..well I still don't talk to them for my own health.
Now I'm convinced that even friendships aren't particularly healthy for me. I get waaay too attached and of late, circumstances beyond my control have caused three good friendships to abruptly end..I can't take it..each one is more devastating than the last..The last person..was a very good, but mostly internet friend and for intense personal reasons has shut me out, and most likely won't contact me again. I was close..but shouldn't have taken this end so hard..in fact it was much worse for a very good friend of mine, and I feel guilty about burdening her with my grief when hers is sooo much worse for me.
I was okay a few years back when I became for all intents and purposes a loner/hermit. Can't say I was particularly happy..but I was content enough I suppose.
Now, it seems I just hang on too hard and either a) drive people away with my clinginess or b) get overly hurt when a friendship ends
I know I have attachment issues. Always have. I am not sure therapy is going to do much for me. I think I just have to keep my distance from most people--in order to keep my health.
And yes, I am on Lexapro but when big emotional traumatic things happen abruptly (like they did this week) it doesn't seem to help much.
To sum it up, I feel like people suck and I am better off with mostly the company of my cats.
I just needed to vent this here so I no longer burden my one really good friend right now..she needs me to be supporting her..not the other way around.

[Droopy]

1. I think you should do what you think is right for you

Given that you are of sound mind.

I've been alone for a long time, but I do have one friend that I see every once in a while beyond internet buddies. It's not too bad, but I do feel the need for human interaction at times and sometimes I can't get it. What I want now is a mate in life. I don't know how I'm going to manage it seeing as how my social life is somewhat dead as it is, but I'm trying. Thank god for internet dating websites. :)

I hope you get things sorted out. Maybe you are like me and don't need a whole lot of human contact, but just enough to have someone to talk to and hang out with every once in a while.

[mopinko]

2. i have had times, long times, when i felt the same.

unfortunately, it is hard to get away from your kids.
i haven't seen my extended family in a couple of years. not that i am pissed at them. not that i don't miss any of them. just that some of them are just too much to be around. too much work. too much grief. too hard to keep my shell intact. so, i live without the rest of them.
it's ok. it is easier this way.
i feel ya.

[Forkboy]

3. I feel the same way about me.

I'm pretty asocial anyways, just my nature, so being alone isn't always a bad thing. Most of the time I'm fine with being alone, but there are times when it does suck. But I have no urge to even try a relationship anymore. Two bad experiences in three years left me thinking it's just not worth it to put myself out there emotionally anymore. And with all my problems I doubt I'd find too many understanding partners anyways (not to mention that the music would drive them nuts).

I do have a couple of friends that I hang with occasionally, mainly for musical purposes (how many people out there even like the same whacked music I do? It's crucial to stick with the few that do ;) ) but overall I spend about 95% of my time alone. My father says every male in our family has been a loner, going at least back to my great Grandfather.

Here's a funny story. When I was a kid my dad and I went fishing a lot at a place in NH called Powwow Pond. On the far side of the lake there was a dirt road, so we went for a walk down it one day. Way down the trail in the middle of nowhere there was a silver Streamline camper with a mailbox beside it. The name on the mailbox was our last name. :rofl:

I think if you love someone then any "clingingness" isn't a problem, at least it's not for me, unless it comes with a lot of jealousy, because I've never cheated on anyone and never will. My ex-wife accused me of it and it hurt more than words can convey. I felt that if she actually believed that then she didn't know me at all, and that was a depressing realization.

I hope things look up for you soon. :hug: