Lately, I've been having dreams that "relive" my worst times.

[zanne]

Beginning with early adulthood, every heartbreak, every sad and lonely time and every mourning period are all tangled up together in my dreams and I'm feeling them all at the same time. During the day I'm OK, but I'm afraid to fall asleep because those dreams will come back. (Oh, and of course, all the hard times are my fault).

Does this happen to you when your're depressed?

[Droopy]

1. Hi Zanne

That's why I'm in therapy right now, only my demons haunt me in my waking life. I hurt a lot of people and did some stupid things when I was suffering from my symptoms. Everything is okay now. I take medication and it has cleared my mind quite nicely. But I have to find a way to live with all of those hateful, stupid things I did. And it's not just a couple of incidents. We're talking about 10 years of fuckuppery.

I'm learning to like myself again and take care of myself. But I think it's going to be a long time. I'll let you know when I get it sorted out. Maybe you will first and can tell me. :)

[zanne]

2. The one thing I never thought of when I was in so much pain....

I never considered what my drinking did to other people in my life; I figured it was my problem alone. I was young and so stupid. I don't know if I've completely forgiven myself, but time has a way of blurring things.