Okay so my divorce should be official on Wednesday

[DaveJ]

I'm not sure if my experience is anything similar to what others have experienced. My wife's behavior finally went over the top, with drug abuse that caused a myriad of blatant abuse, so that others could finally see it, so that thankfully my dad paid for the divorce. Otherwise I'd still be trapped. I feel like I was sort of raped emotionally and financially for for 6 years.

So now I'm single, once called mildly depressed and schizophrenic by psychiatrists. Certainly a few DUers have been happy to point that out to me as well, and then go back to eating their Cheerios, despite my best attempt to assure them that I'm not trying to offend anyone with my observations.

Maybe I'm not fit to meet anyone ever again, after being through this experience, approaching 40 and being ruined in many ways, and slightly paranoid about the intentions of others who I come across.

Anyone else in the same boat? LOL

[EFerrari]

1. Not exactly but maybe in a similar canoe.

When we first separated, I did feel very strongly and painfully that I'd never meet anyone ever again and all the variations. Then after a little time, that subsided a little and the focus changed to other, nearer things like, what do I like to eat for dinner.

lol

Hang in. It gets different and sometimes, easier. :)

[Forkboy]

2. No, just swimming alongside.

Maybe I'm not fit to meet anyone ever again, after being through this experience, approaching 40 and being ruined in many ways, and slightly paranoid about the intentions of others who I come across.

I'm 41 and can definitely relate to that, and until just this year it really bothered me. I've just decided that I no longer want to put myself out there emotionally when I'll probably screw it up anyways. And even if I didn't screw it up I'm not sure a relationship is what I want anyways. I like being alone a lot as it is, and it's only about 10% of the time that I actually feel lonely. I'm not exactly Mr Social, so I won't even be anywhere I could meet someone, and besides, finding a woman who could even tolerate my music, let alone like it, is a billion to one shot anyways. :evilgrin:

You may travel a different road. I felt similar to this about a decade ago, and yet I ended up meeting and marrying someone awesome. Even now I've learned to never say never (my counselor has weened me off of absolutes lol). You probably already know to take things day by day. Just add this to the list. You may feel totally different down the line, or not. And either one is ok if you feel that's what best for you.

[qb]

3. I can relate to the emotional abuse, paranoia and financial ruin

My wife and I separated 2 years ago but decided to put off the actual divorce until we got some major financial issues resolved, but that never happened. I finally initiated the divorce and we're now in the middle of it. I'm 44 and finally feel free! Don't fret about your age... you're young! Enjoy being single for a while... maybe find a support group (men's issues, divorcing, etc.) It's not a substitute for friendship or a life partner, but you can get support without worrying about their intentions. After a while you'll be ready to take some risks and trust others.

[DaveJ]

4. Nice to meet you!

It sounds like you were actually able to have a conversation with your ex about finances. In my case, I could have an hour long conversation with Kim regarding cheeseburgers.... but if I mentioned one word about money she would freeze up. At first, I thought she had trouble with math, but eventually I realized she deliberately spent every dollar she could obtain from my bank account and had no intention of attending to things like bills.

I'm excited, tomorrow I am going to meet up with a divorce group, but they only meet once per month so I have to make a move quick. I have little opportunity to talk to anyone outside of my job. I tried talking to people on the DU in the Lounge, but I need someplace else. On the DU, if I say one word that is unacceptable, the bandwagon loads up, it's like a snowball, one person starts flaming then another and another. I need people who I can really talk to.

[qb]

5. My ex always made excuses for her spending... and promised to expand her business to cover the costs

It never happened. Congrats on finding a group.
I sent you a PM.