So, am I not only an

[laylah]

alcoholic, I have mental health issues. I have tried the AA meetings, in good faith but cannot find a shrink that will work with me monetarily. I have great insurance, I just cannot afford the co-pays; and these docs don't want the $280 an hour my insurance pays, they want the whole $295.

There are those of you who have reached out to me before and I appreciate it. I guess I am just weak and choose to take the easy way out :shrug:

[elleng]

1. NOT weak.

Where are you located?

:hug:

[laylah]

2. hello elleng

i am in the quad cities area, on the illinois side. :hug: thanks for responding.

[Droopy]

3. Look at it this way, laylah

A twelve pack of cheap beer costs $10. A bottle of cheap wine costs $10. A fifth of cheap liquor costs $15. Are you getting my drift?

[mopinko]

4. you may be in a low spot now

the easy way looks easy right now, but you know it isn't the easy way. you know that the person you want to be gets harder and harder to find if you keep on this road. getting things back on track gets harder and harder. looking at yourself in the mirror gets harder and harder. the easy way is to get it right and keep it right. it is true you need to stay strong. but you are.

and droopy makes a good point.

[no name no slogan]

5. Try your county public assistance office

They may be able to refer you to a low-cost (or no-cost) counselor, or get you help so that you can afford the copays.

:hug:

[laylah]

6. Thank you all so very much,

and yes, Droopy, I get your drift :hug: Another reason, no excuse, but a true reason, is I have isolated myself so much since I left my kids, friends, husband, et al of 30 years, 8 years ago. I call it my menopausal moment. Forgiveness of self is what I need first and foremost, along with a good mental health doc, a sponsor, and AA.

:grouphug: You folks rock!

[mopinko]

7. if you regret cutting those ties, why don't you

retie them? i understand how hard it is. i have cut off my ties to my family. i can't really imagine going back. i do miss some of them, and wish there was more room to repair those particular ties. a couple of them i keep in touch with.
but i can imagine that a one or two of them might be struck on the road to damascus, and see what assholes they have been. if it were the right one or two, who did it the right way, maybe i could go home.

maybe your people are wishing that they could at least hear from you once in a while. write them a letter, one that you have no intention of sending. :shrug: that is my free advice from a complete stranger.
and :hug:

[laylah]

8. You are a dear.

:hug: When I say I have isolated myself I am referring to my new life, such that it is, back here in Illinois. I do keep in touch with my children, ex, best friend, etc., I just haven't found friends back here. I don't think I have had an intelligent conversation all this time, not meaning to sound like a snob but 'tis the truth.

I don't reach out, I am sure there are many good folks here, I just haven't given them a chance. I feel safer staying in my little house, when not working, and drinking like a freakin' idiot. The alcohol and the mental health issues overwhelm me. I really think I am broken beyond repair. "Pity party off"

Thanks again for responding and for your excellent suggestion.