Fat and fear

[undergroundpanther]

I got a question I am heavy,not huge but big. I really hate exercises, when i DO it I feel ok,I build muscle pretty fast.I just don't have endurance.

Anyways I find the more I think to myself Hey why don't I walk,move around..
I feel this panic.


When I was at a normal body weight I had several attempted rapes.I had strip club scouts out trying to offer me work I didn't want.I was talked to like a piece of meat I hated it. I was abused as a little kid too.When the first attempted rape as an adult happened to me I gained weight almost supernaturally fast.I was not in charge of my food intake as I was living in a place where you got what the served..But how in the hell can someone gain a pant size every week with no change in eating habits? It it all emotional defense?
Also I am transgender and exercises reminds me of the boobs that I hate,and also men tend to yell comments out of cars that are disgusting threatening or degrading.
I am scared for my health and scared of people and their ass holiness I fear I may be subjected to again if I lose weight..It's a catch 22.
I have joined and quit gyms..The ambivalence is difficult..

Any thoughts on this?

Since the attempts I have not been able to get my weight down that far again,instead I have yo yoed.

[Droopy]

1. I have a problem with exercising in public

If I were fit and lean I would probably be alright with it. But I'm a big fella with a big stomach and I really don't wish to be seen in public trying to sweat off my excess weight. I guess I might be a bit vain.

But recently I discovered the YMCA. They have everything I need there to get a good workout. Weights, cardio machines, track, and pool. The dues are based on my income. I had to pay $75 up front and $28 a month after that. I'm on pace to make $33,000 this year so as you can see the dues are reasonable. I was also made to feel comfortable and welcome by the staff at the Y.

That was 2.5 weeks ago. I workout every day and I've started eating a healthy diet of about 1700 calories a day that includes fruit, veggies, lean meat, and healthy cereal. I also take a multi-vitamin and a calcium supplement. My weight has fluctuated a bit, but right now I've been holding steady at 272 for the past couple of days and that's down from 277. I'd like to lose faster, but I think that the rate of loss is what's considered healthy.

I'm not sure what to tell you about the traumatic experiences you've been through. Maybe you could carry some pepper spray or one of those electric shock things to make yourself feel more comfortable. My sister carries a little bottle of pepper spray on her key ring and carries it until she feels that she is safe. For instance, if she is going to the mall she will park her car and then carry the key ring with the pepper spray in her hand until she is inside the mall.

[mopinko]

2. i love the y

for every big buff person, there is someone just getting started. i found lots of acceptance at mine.

[mopinko]

3. maybe you could focus on building strength

i have big boobs that i have hated all my life, too. you would think that is all there is to me sometimes. i am almost enjoying getting old, and not getting so much of that shit any more.
when i started trying to get in shape, although i lost some weight, i really focused on strength, because my bones are getting thin. i really enjoyed the empowerment of it. i have always been kinda strong for a "girl", but it was starting to fade fast with age and illness. it was a great feeling to get that back and then some.
i did lose it again as i got much sicker. but i am feeling well these days, and just enjoying things like long bike rides. i am thinking i want to get a y membership again. pumping iron is fun.

[patricia92243]

4. Sounds like a little counseling needs to be the first thing, then address

the weight problem.

If a person can't afford counseling, I have found books on certain personal problems to be very helpful - then there is the good ol' web - with a little work, I'm sure there are support groups to offer help. Sharing goes a long way toward healing.

Best of luck to you.

[vikegirl]

6. I agree with this advise.

And I feel for you. :pals: I hope you can work through your fear and learn to enjoy exercise like many of us do.

I Googled this article that may not be on-point with your situation, but it was interesting nonetheless: http://www.ediets.com/news/article.cfm/cmi_307804/cid_7

Good luck!

[Rainbowreflect]

5. I can relate to what you are going through.

I know my weight has a lot to do with my fear of some things that happened to me in my past. Abuse & rape can make you want to hide & being heavy can make you feel & others look at you as less sexual.

Get some counseling, join a group, talk to someone who can help you.

Then just worry about taking care of yourself.

:hug:

[4_Legs_Good]

7. How awful!

I can't tell you how much I think that sucks! I can't believe we still live in a society where someone who is fit is treated like a piece of meat. I think admiration and appreciation is fine (though that probably doesn't sound right), but hollaring from a car or gawking or lude gestures??? WTF is that all about?

The other horrors you mentioned are more than I can really speak to, other than that I know many people who have been subjected to them as well.

/shudder/

I wish we could live in a world where fit people would be respected for their hard work and dedication. That there's anyone on the planet that is afraid to be healthy or even "look good" just fills me with sorrow and despair.

Good luck! I wish I had some advice for you!

david

[flvegan]

8. Waayyy out of my league, but

do you have someone you can exercise with? You know, the whole "strength in numbers" thing also works with confidence.

Also, if you put muscle on pretty fast, methinks that the tendency to be taken advantage of would diminish. I really have no idea.