my husband moved out today

[mzteris]

Relieved
Sad
Very Afraid
Mad

Not necessarily in that order of magnitude.

WTF. I mean WTF happened. It all seems so senseless. So pointless now. Such an f'ing waste. Life. Time. Down the drain. All those dreams, plans. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Now what.

[SeattleGirl]

1. I understand how you feel, mzteris.

But I also hope that some day, you will see some good in this relationship, especially that it shows you something good about yourself. I know right now, it may seem an impossibility, and I'm not trying to make light of what you are going through at all. It's just that in my POV, I can learn something from whatever comes my way. I just wish that pain wasn't part of the process.

:pals:

[mzteris]

2. thanks.

It's been a long time coming and not an unexpected thing.

I figured I'd be more relieved than anything else, though. I'm just surprised at how much it hurts.

[SPKrazy]

3. My friend Mzteris

:hug: I can't answer all your questions and I don't know what makes the heart do what it makes us do.

you are a good person though and I know this because I read your posts and have a 6th sense about these things.

So breathe and take it all one step at a time...

:grouphug:

take care of yourself, maybe even make sure you talk to someone about your meds too that you are taking.

bottom line, this is a shock to you and is going to affect you in that way.

I'm sorry to see this happen, and it also helps to see the other side of the fence in situations like this.

:hug:

[mzteris]

4. Thank you SPawkicker.

I try to be a good person but frequently and spectacularly fail on occasion.

Today was - weird. He's in one of his "up" moods so he's having a blast (and trying not to hard to pretend NOT to - "just trying to make best of it" blah blah blah.)

My younger son camped out over at his apt last night so they came back over here about 9 am. He cut the grass. Washed some of the windows(!wtf?) and did some other 'chores' while I took the older one to his Chinese class.

He left not long after we got back - but just called and wants to "come hang out at his place" and couldn't understand why I didn't think that would be sooooo fun. duh.

He's oh so optimistic about how it's all going to work out.

The $$ is going to magically appear to pay for TWO households now - though paying for one was difficult enough.

I know he's gonna crash soon and be all depressed (and blame me for every damn bit of it).

My older son (13) just "doesn't care" that he moved. "Doesn't care" about much of anything right now. I can't say as I blame him - but I'm a tad worried. I mean, it's not like depression doesn't run in the family, you know.

Anyway - thanks for the :hug: - back atcha :pals: I think I'm just sorta numb right now. Which is better than panic! or crying all the time.

[SPKrazy]

5. Well Sounds Like A Lot Not To Be Numb About

and just take care of yourself

the inviting you to his place sounds a bit strange but there is no behavior that fits the profile of a recently separated person.

What is the plan to pay for two households? I know that this has been a question in my household asked by me, as well as at least once by my wife. When I move out (assuming that I do) I do want her to be able to be employed and have a job and money before the attempt of paying for two households starts.

It might be time to talk to a lawyer as well to make sure you don't get screwn somehow in this, especially if he is not realistic about finances.

A 13 year old is probably not going to show his or her feelings much to parents. But acting out is a good possibility as well i would think

:hug:

:pals:

[ChairmanAgnostic]

6. may I suggest?

Keep a diary of events, and of things you need to do. Tape inside atty cards, or other important info. (organizing like that helps tremendously)

If you fear his return, get an order of protection. They cost nothing, and may save your life.

Take your time, but check out the local paper. There are free concerts, free events, free things around your area that you never did before, and maybe never considered. Pick something that you never did before, and make a date with yourself one day each week. DO NOT BREAK YOUR DATE. instead, make sure you get out of the house.

If there are financial worries, file for divorce and seek maintenance, alimony, what ever your state calls it.
if there are kids RUN, don't WALK to a lawyer. Get custody, and get child support.

Separation affects the mind physically. No matter how bad a creep someone was, that person took up a great deal of your life, your consciousness and your decision-making. His absence, no matter how good, will cause stress and confusion in your thought process. Be prepared for it.

There is a whole bunch other stuff, we can talk about, but PM me if you find the above helpful.