Disturbing thing happened this morning

[YankeyMCC]

ever since my wife told me she wants a divorce I've felt anger. I'm not claiming to be a saint or even want to aspire to that, I'm only human. But I thought I could at least aspire and achieve a certain level of civility - maturity in my mind.

Although she has flung insults at me (mostly just the first night or two) and although I have cursed at her "F- u" a couple of times that first night only I never flung an insult at her even that first night. I didn't even think it.

A couple of times over the weeks a brief "stupid" popped into my mind, quickly suppressed.

But as I was getting dressed this morning and the memories of recent events flowed through my mind and thinking about the things she's said and done I said out loud "Stupid Bitch!"

It just came out almost from nowhere, I'm alone in the house this week (my son is at camp, she is with her parents) so no one heard but I did and it shocked me.

It is not going to be easy to get through this anger and that worries me.

[Qanisqineq]

1. it sounds like a pretty normal way to feel in your situation

and pretty normal to express it. Ever since I found out about my husband's affair (late February), he calls me "stupid bitch" or "c**t" or "whore" or "slut" on a regular basis. I keep thinking it should be me screaming these insults at him instead. I don't know why he's so angry at me.

I understand what the anger feels like and my anger worries me, too. I have been consumed by it for months and have developed ulcers and other health problems. Perhaps it is better to express it somewhere alone than to keep it bottled up. Call her names, punch pillows, cry. If I had a place to go to scream alone without neighbors hearing, I'd scream and call him all sorts of things.

[YankeyMCC]

2. The challenge -

Someone in the DU Lounge started a thread asking people what their saddest moment was.

My first thought was of the moment I realized I was not going to make it to the hospital before my Dad died.

But death is a finite, one time event, it was not easy fully adjusting to the dynamic absence of my Dad but it's a natural thing and I've adjusted and in fact grown from it.

And I've compared my feelings about the coming divorce to a death, it's a death of a living thing, the marriage. But it really is different not a finite one time event but something that changes your life just as dramatically in a continuous way. The "death of the marriage" is always there in a sense. Maybe I'm not making sense it's difficult to put it into words and covey these feelings.

[mrgorth]

3. My thing is that

people die. We're supposed to. We all do. Granted, young death sucks and stuff like that but we all have to die at some point. The adultery and the divorce are choices and, as you say, it's the gift that keeps on giving.