Can I chat a minute? Bad day here. I need to get through to tonight.

[Paper Roses]

Two Easters without my better half. Almost two years since the stroke. I cannot cope.

I read this forum daily and it brings me comfort. I know I am with a large group of friends who have lost loved ones.

We used to make a big deal of Easter Baskets for our kids. Then for the Grandchildren. Not for religion, for fun.

To sum up today, I had a can of Progresso soup for dinner.
Listened to a special song, cried a lot.

The rest of the evening is of no import.

Hopefully one of these days things will be a little easier to cope with.

I have no use for this life. If I could be with my husband I would go in a minute. Since I am not a believer, that seems fruitless. Maybe tomorrow I'll paint a room or something. 45 years, gone.

This stinks.

[auntAgonist]

1. I'm so sorry that I didn't see this thread earlier today ..

I can't begin to imagine the pain you're feeling. I'm glad you're coming here to read and to vent though. Many people care for you and hope for only good things.

Your 45 years aren't gone, they are tucked far into your heart. You still have the wonderful memories of Easter and all the other special moments you shared.

Thank you for sharing this memory with me (us).

I hope tomorrow is better for you. Paint that room or something :) Cherish the memories.

:hug:
kesha.

[livetohike]

2. I hope this story helps Paper Roses

My Grandma was widowed in 1945 after 24 years of marriage. She never remarried and I never knew my Grandfather (I was born in 1952). My Grandma died in 1992 at age 92 - she was alone a long, long time. When I was mature enough to ask her how she coped all those years, she told me she was glad she had a memory to cherish the good times and even the hard times she went through with my Grandfather. She said he is alive in her memory and in her dreams. She was a religious person, but what she said has nothing to do with being religious. Yes, she believed she would see him again when she died, but what kept her going was keeping the memory of my Grandfather alive through telling us kids stories and mentioning things that reminded her of him.


The one religious thing she would say is that God left her on earth because her time was not finished here. All of us grandkids were glad to have her as long as we did. You are important to others, too Paper Roses. :hug:

[tango-tee]

3. Dear Paper Roses,

I've only recently found this group on DU, and have read what you have written on the death of your beloved husband.

How hard this must be for you! I know I can't find the words to bring solace to your soul and ease your pain. All I can offer are hugs coming straight from the heart, and the hope that you will feel free to call upon me whenever you need a shoulder to lean on.

[DollyM]

4. your last line says it all . . .

I remember after the death of our son, a friend who had been out of town at the time and couldn't make it to the funeral, approached me at a volunteer event where I was helping and just hugged me and said three words, "that really sucks!" I smiled and wondered if Hallmark had a sympathy card that said that! Losing someone you love to death isn't all pretty with angels and flowers and misty scenes with lone trees, it is ugly and painful and makes you feel insane. Maybe eventually you can deal with the misty trees but for a while, I just want a card that says "the death of your son really sucks and you and I both know it!"

[ceveritt]

5. No use for this life

Paper Roses:

I'm sorry I did not see your post until tonight. I don't know why I did not notice it earlier.

For what it is worth—which is precious damn little—I know exactly how you feel. May 30 was the two-year anniversary of my wife's death. She died in her sleep, right next to me. I still cannot talk about it. By that I mean I literally cannot speak of it. I can't make out intelligible sounds, because of the sobbing.

I too have no use for this life. I'll not bore you with details, or ask for pity. It's just that everything I've valued has been ripped away in the last few years. My wife's death was more than I could take.

All I can offer you is that, yes, eventually, things become the slightest bit easier to cope with. No, you have absolutely no reason to believe me right now. And the change is so horribly incremental and slow.

As I said, I know exactly what you are going through. Perhaps the shared experience is of some benefit.

If I could be with my wife, I would have already gone. I feel like a coward not to have done so already. I'm not a believer either. I miss her so, so terribly. She gave me a reason to live.

And now I'm not sure if I'm being any help or not. I'll just stop here. I wish the very best for you.

[Paper Roses]

6. Thank you so much for your kind and comforting words.

I'm sure your shock was as great as mine. It will be 2 years this Sunday the 27th.
I will go again to his grave Sunday and have a chat, maybe tell him the troubles I am having with the house, the grass is dying, I have carpenter bees, a few other things have gone wrong. Easy stuff in the scheme of things. I will also, most importantly, tell him that this is no life I lead without him.
I have also lost other things these past few years but I could survive those events.

The death of my husband of 45 years has left me with no spirit.

PM me if you would like to talk.

PR

[Name removed]

7. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[orleans]

8. ceveritt

you can pm (private message) someone by clicking on the little envelope after the number of posts they have which is after their name. you can pm private roses but she can't pm you--i just tried and i get a page that says you do not wish to receive private messages. you can change this in your user profile. then, when you go on the front page of du, you will see a red flashing message near the upper left of the page that will tell you that you have a private message from someone.

i am concerned that you have put your phone number on this post and that anyone on the internet can see it. please send paper roses a pm with your phone or redo your profile about accepting messages. in the meantime, i'm going to send this to a moderator and see if they can take your number out of the post (since an hour has passed and it's too late for you to change it.)

sorry to interfere, but i hope i'm doing the right thing.

and, for what it's worth, i wanted to send you a pm a while back because i realized if i posted to you it was past the two day point and you wouldn't see that someone had replied to you in your "my du" folder. and i couldn't pm you. i can't remember which post i wanted to reply to, but i think it would be great if you could accept pms in the future.

please take care.

[ceveritt]

9. @ orleans

1. Thank you for the information. Again, sorry to be so ignorant of some very basic things.

2. I've made the change(s) you suggested in my user profile. Now, I believe, anyone here can pm me.

3. I believe I've posted my phone number once before here at DU, and never got any sort of calls at all, good, bad or indifferent. Of anywhere on the Web, DU seemed the safest possible place to do such a thing. Having said that, I now figure I probably should not do such a thing anymore, and will not.

4. Your apology for so-called interfering: Please. I do not regard what you have done as any sort of interference. You were trying to help. I appreciate that. Yes, you absolutely did the right thing. Thank you kindly. I apologize for being so dense, and putting out information I apparently should not have. It is people such as yourself that make DU a fine and safe site, especially for nitwits such as myself.

5. If you still wish to send me a pm, please do. Again, that feature/function should now work.

6. Lastly, and one more time, Thank You for the information. Much obliged.

[orleans]

10. check your pms--i sent you a rather long, rambling one i'm afraid.

:shrug: couldn't help myself.

[ceveritt]

11. pm

I'll check it now.

No need to apologize. I'm flattered anyone would want to pm me.

I'll get back to you as soon as I can. I say that because I've not slept much in the last couple of days. I just returned from a disastrous week-long vacation, and have had overmuch on my alleged mind.

Thank you.