I'm so glad this group exists.

[RevCheesehead]

Tomorrow, it will be three weeks since my mom died. In a strange way, it doesn't seem possible that that much time has passed, because I've completely lost track of what day this is.

We got through the funeral OK, did the usual stuff in sending thank-you cards, notifying the lawyer, banks, etc. I even managed to get through my first couple of Sundays back in church (for those who wonder, yes, I am a pastor).

But since Saturday, I've had a horrible knot in my stomach that just won't go away. Also, I resent the hell out of having to go on with life as usual, and want to run away from the daily crap that just isn't that important.

I've been there for other people during the time of loss, and would probably tell them that these reactions are normal. But it sure feels different on the other side. I want to scream "OUCH" at the top of my lungs, and tell people to get a grip, and think about the things which matter in life.

But most of all, I really miss my mom.

[livetohike]

1. Hugs for you RevCheesehead

:hug: I'm sorry to hear you lost your Mom. I hope all the good memories you have of life with her will help ease the grief you feel.

Please check in here and let us know how you are doing.I lost my Dad in Nov. 2004 and while life seems a little easier right now I still cry when I think of him.

Things will get better - really they do.

[RevCheesehead]

2. Thank you, livetohike.

I've already added this group to My Forums. I appreciate your words of support, and know that I will be checking in here.

:hug:

[flamingyouth]

3. Welcome, Rev.

:hug:

[RevCheesehead]

4. thanks, flamingyouth

:hug:

[eleny]

5. Please accept my condolences

I didn't know that your mom died. I'm sorry for your loss.

In my own experience I've found that time helps and we know how slowly that can be. I tried to learn to expect the unexpected - for sadness to overtake me at unexpected times. And then there's the rest of the world going along as it does with no knowledge of our loss. If I'd hear someone laughing at the grocery, I'd want to tell them that something awful just happened to the world and that they should shut up and have respect. Of course you can't do that but it was very tempting. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

7. Thank you, eleny.

I had a few unexpected moments in church... but they were moments filled with joy, rather than sadness. But for me, the end result is the same: I end up in tears. God help me get through Holy Week and Easter. :hug:

[auntAgonist]

6. I'm still catching up on my groups .. I saw your thread

and feel so sad for you. I lost my mum in '97 and i still miss her terribly. i still want to pick up the phone and call her, she'd always say "Hi, whatcha doin'?" It's not easy and I have no magical cures for the pain you're going through. We are all so different in how we deal with loss/grief etc.

Cherish the fine memories you have of her, hold her dear in your heart. In this world she was just one, but she was all the world to you.



My condolences and heartfelt sympathy to you dear Rev.:hug:

:loveya:
kesha.

This song cheers me up some days...

We'll Meet Again.

Let's say goodbye with a smile, dear,
Just for a while, dear, we must part.
Don't let the parting upset you,
I'll not forget you, sweetheart.


We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when,
But I know we'll meet again, some sunny day.
Keep smiling through, just like you always do,
'Til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.

So will you please say hello to the folks that I know,
Tell them I won't be long.
They'll be happy to know that as you saw me go,
I was singing this song.

After the rain comes the rainbow,
You'll see the rain go, never fear,
We two can wait for tomorrow,
Goodbye to sorrow, my dear.

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when,
But I know we'll meet again, some sunny day.
Keep smiling through, just like you always do,
'Til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.

[RevCheesehead]

8. Thanks, kesha.

I don't understand my grief. I hardly cry. It's not in my mind constantly, and I wonder if I'm doing something wrong. Geez, I cried more when my cat died. But then again, maybe that grief for Roo was in part, a preparation for Mom's death. It's so confusing. :shrug:

[Grateful for Hope]

9. I don't think you are doing anything wrong at all

I think sometimes we unconsciously know how much grief we can handle at a given point in time, and, I think it can be quite normal to experience grief in bits and pieces.

I have had many losses over the last 10 years (my husband, my two closest friends, my mother, and recently, my step-father to suicide), but, the hardest for me was the loss of husband (1996). The only way I was able to deal with what was, to me, a devastating loss, was to experience my grief in compartmentalized pieces -- this allowed me to continue to work and continue to function in other areas of my life. As time went on, I was able to grieve more intensely, but it was a gradual process.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

[RevCheesehead]

10. That is really helpful to me, thanks!

yeah, I feel the "bits and pieces" thing. But I never thought that maybe I was protecting myself from overload. Now that you mention it, it makes perfect sense.

Wow. You've been through a lot, yourself. Blessings to you, and thank you for offering healing thru sharing your story with me. :hug:

[Grateful for Hope]

11. I wanted you to know that you are not alone.

:hug: :grouphug:

[prozacnation]

12. I'm sorry for your loss

I can imagine as a pastor in some ways it would be more difficult to deal with personal loss and grief. Perhaps people have different expectations of you, I'm just guessing. In any event I hope that you are able to take time for yourself and to grieve how you need to. I lost my Mom to cancer in '91 and it just sucks.

I won't offer you any advice, because I truly believe each person has to find what works for them. I do wish you well and I hope that you find some measure of peace in the days to come.

[RevCheesehead]

13. Thank you so much.

I really appreciate your words - especially about how people have different expectations from me.

Today I stopped at the cemetary for the first time since her funeral, and had a good long cry and conversation with Mom. I miss her so much.

Thanks again for your words of comfort. :hug:

[SPKrazy]

14. Thanks For Suggesting This Group Rev Cheesehead!

I appreciate it and your kind words

[mtnester]

15. Rev, once I went through the Griefshare program, I felt better

not perfect, but better. It is faith based, non-denominational and sadly, I am a REALLY lapsed Christian who discovered during the group that it not only helped me with mom's death, but brought me closer to my spiritual side as well. It took me more than a year and a half to finally admit to myself I was too miserable and was not going to get better without counseling after my mom died (her death anniversary is 9 days away so I am starting to get weird again).

Try Griefshare...you may want to have it for your members...here is the website
http://www.griefshare.org/

the folks on the video sometimes are a little corny in their desire to empathize, which was not really a problem but sometimes was topic for conversation, laced with giggles.

I found that I had to get group counseling in order to realize what I was going through was not abnormal, and it really, really helped me.

It may be a little too early, or not. Some of the folks in the Griefshare program had gone through it several times, and kept coming back because they felt they needed it and could help others in the group.

It gets worse, and it gets better...the first time you laugh is NOT a time for guilt..it is OK to do that. I wish I could tell you your grief will follow a path, but everyone grieves differently. Please just know it is OK to be sad, OK to be melancholy, however, if you feel at all it exceeds that, it is OK to admit that you may have some cyclical depression...do not ignore it.

My sympathies to you, and my wish for healing for you while figuring yourself out in the new and forever changed world without your mother.

[RevCheesehead]

16. Thank you so very much, mtnester

:hug: I appreciate your kindness and words of support.