We anted up for my sister's tombstone today

[skygazer]

My brother called, said he'd gone to the local monument place, the one where we got my mom's stone 30 years ago, and picked out a stone. They still had records of mom's (you gotta love small town family businesses) and so the inscriptions will be in the same type and size which is nice. He was going to just get a plain one and then he saw one with a carving of a kitty on it so he chose that - my sister's ashes are mixed with her beloved kitty so it seemed appropriate.

Some people don't deal with things well - I don't deal with them at all. I have this freakish ability to tuck things away within myself where I don't even look at them and there they stay until something like the thought of my sister beneath a stone with a kitty on it makes them rear their ugly heads.

Since she died in June, I've not thought about it, not really. It's there in a very disciplined, rational form, that recognizes the event but does not think about it in anything other than matter-of-fact terms. This is how I deal with everything - or rather, don't deal - and though I know it's probably not particularly healthy, it's unfortunately the only way I have of doing it because I'm bi-polar and don't do emotions well.

Every now and then, like today, with something as real and mundane and poignant as the thought of a marble kitty on her grave, I'm able to hit upon it as if with a glancing blow, which allows me to face it briefly, cry for perhaps ten seconds (lightly), and then bottle it all back up.

Christ, this ought to be in the Mental Health forum.

But really, everyone grieves in their own way. As strange as my way is, that's what I'm doing right now which is why I'm posting here. In my convoluted way, I guess I'm saying I'm sad today and could sure use a hug.

[RevCheesehead]

1. Skygazer, I'm so sorry for your loss.

You need a hug? No problem! :hug::hug::hug:

You're absolutely right - we all grieve in our own way, and we need to find the path that's best for us. My mom died in March, and the full impact didn't really hit me until a couple of weeks ago, when I sorted through her clothes. Grief comes and goes in cycles, and when the next wave comes, you just hang on tight and ride it out. In time, it does get less difficult to bear.

I think the best advice I can offer is to be patient with yourself. You'll know when to let it out, and when to keep it in. But don't expect that it's just over and that's it. The amount of grief is at least as much as how much you loved the person.

Again, my condolences. I'm glad that you came here - there are lots of really good people to help us get through it all.

[livetohike]

2. A day late on the hugs but here is a big one for you

:hug:

Please check in here whenever you need too. I lost my Dad on Nov. 8, 2004.

You will find little things reminding you of your sister and hopefully, those memories will make you smile.

[havocmom]

3. And a hug for this week too. Check ins around here are casual for me.

:hug: But know healing energy is sent your way.

Grief can sneak up and clobber us at the darnedest times. Always noticed that a few months after the loss of a loved one seems to be worse than right after the death.

Know we are here anytime you need to share or lean on us.

Know it's OK to be sad.

[roguevalley]

4. you will smile again. you will be able to live again. it will never be

the same but it will happen. four months and counting on my sweet dad and I am alive, feeling good most of the time and loving and missing him every day. you will be happy again, sweetie. just hang on. she is right beside you, loving you and helping you every minute of the day. don't forget, love never ends.