How do I help a friend?

[CoffeeCat]

A friend of mine recently lost her husband and her brother, in an airplane crash.

She has two young children, and she is also pregnant with their third child.

I hold this woman in very high regard, and I consider her a friend. However, we
are not extremely close. We both have different groups of friends, but we know
each other and talk weekly because we're on a committee together.

How do I best support her through this tragedy? I understand the pain she is in, but
I have never endured such a loss. I want to support her and help her any way I can.

She has a best friend and a close-knit circle of friends. How does someone, who is
not a really close friend, help out someone who has endured such a catastrophic tragedy?

Thank you for any thoughts or insight.

:hug:

[flamingyouth]

1. Gosh, friend, that is so devastating.

Almost seven years ago an acquaintance of mine lost her only two daughters in the crash of Alaska Airlines flight 261. We were just in shock and had no idea what to do. She is a doctor at a medical clinic where I served on the board. Even now, just thinking about and writing about it, tears come to my eyes. We all went to the memorial service, wrote cards, sent donations in their honor. And we were there for her when she needed us. Those kids were her life.

In recent years, I've gotten to know her better, actually. She and I share a common interest and take a lot of classes together. Sometimes I see her smile and it makes me so happy.

If you know one of her close friends, maybe ask one of them if you can help in any way. Maybe she could use some help around the house or with child care and her friends could use a break. Bless your heart for caring about her during this horrible, horrible time for her. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

2. Be a friend to her weeks after the funeral,

after everyone else has gone home, or back to their lives. Send her a card with a note similar to what you wrote.... "I've always held you in high esteem, and consider you a friend.." and offer to just be there for her. Since you're not really close, you could ask her to tell you about her husband. So many people are afraid to mention the deceased person, and - having been through it myself - I can assure you that one of the best things anyone could do would be to ask me to tell them about Mom.

Bless you for your compassionate heart.

[havocmom]

3. The Rev said it all - be there when others have gone

Listen, ask, tell her how you admire her. Let her see by your words and deeds that you mean it all.

I would add, there are lots of good reads about the stages of grief. Being somewhat educated about what it is likely your friend will go through at various times is a great way to come to her aid. It shows real kindness to take the time and think about the other. It shows their value in your eyes that you invested time in learning how to be of more help. Anything you learn will serve you well for the rest of your life too.

And I second the blessing for you and your compassionate heart.

[roguevalley]

4. Listen to her when she needs it. Just be a comfort.