A friend of mine shot and killed himself Sunday afternoon

[Ezlivin]

My wife's business partner's husband left their house after a "discussion" over finances, went next door to the neighbor's house and shot himself with the neighbor's .357. (The neighbors had the house up for sale and were out of town.)

I've known this man for over 12 years. He was kind, compassionate, intelligent and a hard worker. But he was depressed after retiring from the airlines as a pilot and being unable to find meaningful work the last 5 years. He and his wife had burned through the $350K lump sum retirement over this time and were down to the last $10K and were going to have to sell their house.

Both my wife and I have been drained this week; I've hardly slept at all even though I fall into bed exhausted at the end of the day.

I was asked to speak at his memorial service yesterday to a group numbering about 75-100. I have to admit: I was extremely pissed off at "Bill" for doing this shit. He'd tried to commit suicide in February of 2006 via a Tylenol overdose. We all rallied around him and supported the hell out of him. He got into counseling, he started medication. But he went off his meds after a family emergency took him away from home; he ordered more when he was away but we're not sure he took it. So the story I'm sticking with is that he went of his meds and acted rashly.

Thank god his wife didn't find his body when she went next door to look after my wife suggested he may have gone there. Apparently she just gave the house a cursory examination (after all, who really wants to find a dead spouse) and left. When the police arrived they checked the house and found his body after it had laid there for about 24 hours.

This week has really, really sucked. I know that me and my wife will be able to go on (although my wife's business may now dissolve due to this; they were 50/50 partners), but I'm worried about Bill's widow. I think the best thing would be for her to get immediately involved with a suicide survivor's group. There are a few here in the D/FW area.

Can anyone provide me with the pros and cons of this? I want to continue to help but honestly I don't know exactly how she feels because it wasn't my spouse that acted in a mortally rash fashion.

[flamingyouth]

1. I'm so sorry to hear this.

It's so hard to lose a friend, especially like this. My condolences.

My husband killed himself three years ago this month just after we separated. It's hard to say what's best for his wife at this point, but I know that you and your wife will be a great source of support for her by being there for her. I was briefly involved with a local Survivors of Suicide group but I'm not really a "group" person so I only went a few times. The people are really wonderful, though. Survivors of Suicide also has a website and I posted there quite a bit.

Everyone's grief is so different. One thing I did was sort of bury myself in books because I love to read and I read about everything I could get my hands on about suicide. Judy Collins wrote an amazing book called "Sanity and Grace" following her son's suicide. I don't know if your friend likes to read, or if you think it would be comforting to her, but it was a great help to me.

I am very sorry for everyone's loss here. I will keep you in my thoughts. :hug:

[RevCheesehead]

2. Wow. I am so very sorry.

Situations like this leave most of us at a loss for words. Sometimes, just a hug or a listening ear is exactly what the family needs.

As to a support group; let her decide when she's ready to join one. She's got a lot to process, and she might not be ready yet to "share" with people she doesn't know.

[skater314159]

3. I am a chaplain...

in the D/FW area. Contact me if you guys or your friend's widow need some help/support. I'm here.

[onecent]

4. This is so sad. I'm so sorry for everyone involved.

This is beyond comprehension sometimes what our fucking gov't can do re retirements, pensions, etc.

I worked for Ford for 30 years and they are fucking us over (retireees) with benefits....

Amazing and the fucker bush************** doesn't give a shit.

Damn
Bless you

[easttexaslefty]

5. I believe a suicide survivors group helps

The group gives you a forum to talk about you grief and all the stages you will go through.Grief from suicide is so much more intense than any other type. there are also on-line support groups.I am so sorry for your wife's business partner.

[Irishonly]

6. My Sympathies

I am so sorry.